crying == laughing

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12808954/

this pretty much describes it all. A 150K truck (figure a million each with cost of guarding and delivering it) delivered to people who don't want or know what to with it. Best i can figure, there aren't even adequit descriptors to express what's going on over there.

I'd put a pay check on the chances of these trucks ending up filled with explosives and driven into some police recruitment office.

what. the. fuck.

another insight into neurotic behaviors

i spent a measurable amount of time today trying to explain to another engineer why i would try to rebuild an early 70's-design Fiat transmission, and yet refuse to change my own oil. He argument was pretty obviously based on money savings and the comfort of knowing some high school flunk out hadn't touched your $10,000 to $50,000 piece of equipment. My argument was why would i want to drive to the store (gas+time) buy oil (money+time) come home, jack up the car, change the oil (dirty+time) and then return the used product back to the store (gas+time) when i can pay marginally more money and be done in 20 minutes?

Better things i can do with my time:

-Train
-Pound my girl (Free transmission 4th-gear synchro if you remember where this phrase is from)
-Read
-Rebuild a transmission
-Eat
-Father my robot son

Later, i realized it wasn't just a time issue. The secondary effect is, i've already mastered the art of draining hot oil and replacing it with cold oil. There's no learning curve and thus, i feel like i'm failing to better myself with that particular task. Shit, i could be sitting in my room learning how to type with all the fingers.... you can't buy that.

of course, now the obvious question is, what am i doing wasting my time typing this? Recreation, mind you, in whatever form it takes, is never a waste of time.

time to go tie one on.

as always

Scott bringin the power.

I got bid'nes to attend. And i can't attend my bid'ness without no damn signal.

also, check out the fiat page on the side bar

who was that guy?

every few months or so some random item in life will remind me of one of the many people i used to know. It's odd to think about how many people i used to know, compared to those i still do. Last count i've gone through nearly a dozen jobs and half as many schools. How many phone numbers didnt get transferred over from the 4 cell phones i've owned?

and then, for example, i'll pick up a tool i used to use as a fire alarm tech and say to myself, "i wonder if jeff ever went back down south?"

i think the negative effect this is all having is, am i becoming less likely to accept new people into my life? sub-consciously, do i suspect they're all just extras in the sitcom of life and likely won't be around by next season?

i dont think i'm there yet.

what kind of hospital is this?

is it the natural gas that's giving me these ideas? because they're brilliant.

why no pinch?

i pinch

Berrenda,

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

shut your flaming face

You have started the CAT-BUN wars!!!

With a side of danger

bana-na-na-na-na

just in case

Anyone didn't see this link

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20060508/scahill.

no work today = no pay today

the plan for the transmission fell through (what kind of tranny shop only rebuilds domestic shit?), and at nearly the same time, a family member offered me use of his company's "shop" to use for parts cleaning and the like, should i want to in his words "truly have the car restoration expeience."

well fuck. I'm not sending it to the east coast for a $600 to $800 rebuild and i'm not buying some suspect tranny off the web for $500.

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Fuck everything, we're doing five blades.

What i'm trying to say it, clear off the work bench. there's a reason i played with legos for the first 24 years. I'll rebuild the tranny my damn self.



get me my tools.

thumbs up

i pulled my my tranny out of my own car in my own garage today. As nick says, that's like some sort of life accomplishment. I agree. but before i get too full of myself, i have to think back to the things people were doing with cars in the 60's.

the glory days indeed.

widen the divide

you guys remember Tony from Tech Ultimate? You remember his beard? You remember his dad?

Probably not, but you will now. At least until the next hilarious, must see, 30 second internet clip.

weekend update. on tuesday.

Saturday was work on car day. During the brief pre-electrical-tear-down drive around the block, the Fiat transmission managed to violently disassemble itself. We're talking tell-tale sound of metal hitting concrete and a walk down the street to retrieve debris. Apparently the first universal joint came apart and intersected with the linkage case. Hilarity ensued.

Transmission rebuild just trumped electrical rebuild with the left.



As a tactical response, I purchased a socket set capable of destroying a common man.



Also, in Detroit this week, a rapper from the shadey crew was capped in his dome and someone died when they called 911 and the operator accused them of pranking 911 and then some more people died. I had some links to the stories... but you know.

For Wildman...

{put's on Air Supply record, track 7}

What's that Hulkster? Well yes, it's is time to dump the contents of the camera phone and show everyone what a great time we're having here in Detroit!

I know just how to fake it
and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream.


Notorious sent a picture of some windmills
they're building where he's at. {sniff, sniff}
I smell Progress!

and...

wh- wh- wha- what? What's this? the Sophist is refueling a Hydrogen
powered fuel cell car??? Yes that is the DCX F-Cell and all the hotties
are flocking to it (because green makes chicks wet). In the background
you can see the hydrogen troll and his pointy red hat. It appears the
revolution is at hand... the sexy revolution!


The beating of my heart is a drum
And it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you.

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.

I've got to follow it 'cause ev'rything I know
Well it's nothing 'til I give it to you!!


Sometimes mother company lets me suckle from the teet of it's
test fleet. Finally the Sophist gets some respect on the roads
and from his neighbors in the form of a 2500HD, Solid axel, big-
balled, cock on wheels. I could have had the Sebring coupe, but
then i'd have kicked my own ass.

But then again, i've been inflicting enough pain on myself. No, i don't
think full marathons are for me; I'd like to be able to sprint from time
to time, as well. I like to think of myself more of a monster truck in the face of life, so maybe i'll do that 10-mile trail run coming up...
(shit, that 13th mile hurt)




Time now to put some work in on the Fizzle. Sure it ain't got much trunk
space for dead hookers, but the ability to attract said hookers (in a less
corpsey state) is greatly increased, thus making the live-to-dead hooker
conversion process much more efficient. Technology solves the world's
problems yet again.



Making love out of nothing at all.
Making love - out of nothing at all.


GapingVoid


Is it the natural gas that's giving me these great ideas? because they're brilliant...

bad day at work

Sophist so, you realize the war in the midle east is forever now, right?
Sophist Coworker Yes.
Sophist crude oil supply concerns:
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5612507/
Sophist crude oil countries have all the power:
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12085050/
Sophist war forever
Sophist (we're boned)
Sophist Coworker yes
Sophist noone knows what to do, because they're all fools
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12098678/
Sophist Coworker sigh
Sophist madness reigns... car companies desperate to sell more cars...
Sophist yeah, that'll work
Sophist stave off death for another quarter
Sophist reactive, not proactive
Sophist everything will be okay as long as we sell more cars this month
Sophist who really thinks this is going to magically heal itself?
Sophist Coworker Manufacturing guys.
Sophist sure. their whole life is based on economies of scale
Sophist if we could just build more, cheaper...
Sophist Coworker Then people will buy them because they have to.
Sophist Coworker Riiight.
Sophist sigh
Sophist Coworker I'm so frustrated with this country/job/way of thinking.
Sophist i'm not going to play the roll of dooms-day-sayer...
Sophist but things have the potential of gettign very bad indeed
Sophist Coworker Things have very big potential of getting very bad.
Sophist Coworker although, if you think about it, there hasn't been a major world conflict in 60 years or so.
Sophist no, not one in terms of "here is peace" and now "here is a major step function into war times 10"
Sophist instead it's slow and steady
Sophist ramping up
Sophist Coworker it's like the frog in the pot of boiling water.
Sophist you think of conflicts in historical terms, you think of what day they started and what day they ended...
Sophist there is no definition here
Sophist just escallation (sp?)
Sophist Coworker Yup.
Sophist there are a lot of theories about what it will be like when the oil supply starts to really pinch, as in the U.S. can't get what it wants
Sophist Coworker We'll flex our muscle.
Sophist Coworker Well, that largely depends on who is in charge, I guess.
Sophist a common theme is war (forever)
Sophist Coworker If we had a good leader. I mean really good
Sophist it won't matter, because people are going to put someone in charge that will do their biddiing
Sophist Coworker We could delay that for 50+ years
Sophist and their bidding is SUVs
Sophist Coworker Ok, you've turned into the doomsayer
Sophist hey man, bush got re-elected
Sophist had to be a reason
Sophist
Sophist and maybe that's why the Dems have no legs, too idealististic? i don't know
Sophist Coworker time will tell

i believe that you are ninja too

first, you can get an example of what i'm talking about right here

this one is pretty damn funny as well. Actually, i think it might be better.

ah hell, just check out the site.

Answer: Two Hours and Twenty Minutes

Question: What is, How long does it take the sophist to run a Half Marathon with a sprained ankle?

That is correct.

Points of interest. By mile 8 i was so hungry, i briefly considered eating a cat i saw wonder onto the course. Something was amiss in my race prep, because though i've never felt this hunger while training, my stomach was screaming for food during the race. I think a snickers bar would have shaved 10 minutes oiff my time.

My ankle was a distraction by mile 10ish.

The next step was supposed to be, well, run the full damn thing. I'm not so sure i'm convinced that devoting my entire physical prowess to running 26 miles is a good idea. I think for now i'll stick with 13 as my maximum distance of hustled foot travel, and i'll work on that time.




should've eaten more bananas and left my red hat at home.

ouch

Time to take a step back from the doom and gloom of reality and focus on the fluff of everyday life. The half marathon i was supposed to take part in April 1st is a big question mark right now, as i rolled and sprained my ankle playing basketball last Sunday. (I shouldn't have been playing that near to a marathon, but UNC needed me on guard and i couldn't let 'em down) Basically its fucked. That night it swelled nicely and a few days later the bruises appeared above the heal and at the shin.


Three days after. Note it should appear much "bonier."


One week after

Today i wrapped the hell out of it ad hit the treadmills. Yes, i too despise the treadmills, but since winter came back in the form of a slushly, wet, snowy, crap from the sky last night and today, the rat-wheel was what i had. I ran it, but it's sore.

Here's what's great about these pictures: on the first one, you can see in the background my "monkey's playing poker" boxer shorts that Holly got me. Chances are, unless i'm drunk, you're never gonna see those in person. In the second photo, you can see my freakish toes that are webbed between the 2nd and 3rd digit. Makes me a better swimmer and as far as i know, has never been documented on the internet.

See, this web site is like one of those discovery channel medical shows. Also, i learned that's it's very hard to manipulate photoshop so bruises will show up on film. I'm not sure why, but that's good information to have.

beat the drum

"I am more convinced than ever that we should all be prepared for the inevitable collapse of society." There no way to say that sentence without people looking at you oddly. It's not something you can talk about at work. Your family will not engage you in this conversation at Xmas. There's really no reason to think about it very much.

oh well, i'm sure everything will be fine. No need to buy a gun and leave the major urban areas.

Everyone should read "The end of Oil" by Paul Roberts. I also recommend "Crossing the Rubicon" by Michael C. Ruppert.

If you're really into it, try The Long Emergency, Blood and Oil, The Geography of Nowhere... there are other.

Soon i will send those of you on the list a DVD copy of "The end of Suburbia," but it may take some time to get those out. I'll also include some absurd animation that will help take the edge off the other material, and hopefully you'll want to kill yourself less.

quotes

quotes have been popular lately. here's one.

"Reality is that which continues to exist after i stop believing in it."
-Some guy

This would imply that even though I may not be mentally ill, if the world at large is mentally ill... then that is the reality. hmmm. this could be more true than we want to admit.

On the other hand, if we all stop believing in something like, say, numbers... well then numbers would be no more. See, there's a difference between numbers and quantities and we can make number just go away, because they're arbitrary like laws and morals. This is what the guy who sits across from me couldn't understand when i tried to explain that there are no absolutes. His argument was that as an engineer, i have to base my entire mental architecture on a system of absolutes that will continue to hold true under all circumstances. i.e, Math. Duality may include two sides, but your mental assignment of the word "two" is still up in the air. Besides, from a numbers-applications stand point, 50 is a lot closer to infinity than, say, 2, even though are numbers would have us believe otherwise. Consider i have a gun with 50 bullets and you have but 2 rounds. See: infinitely better.

The reason the older, roman system of numerals didn't hold up is because the Romans had no zero. The Arab system, on the other hand, had this key "nothing" number, allowing for a more complex type of math, which was algebra and eventually calculus.

what does it all mean? Reality is that which ceases to exist when i do?

"I bang my head against the wall because it feels good when i stop."

"What good is he if he can't beat Christos?"

i have finally (nearly) finished the total brake re-job on the Fiat. Like a tumor, i just pulled out stuff that was bad, until only good parts were left. This led me to replace the master cylinder, brake fluid reservoir and hoses, and several of the hard-lines that run under the car. Also, the pads, rotors and calipers and flex-lines where replaced on all four corners. The amazing thing is, not only was the system severely leaking fluid, the calipers were rusted frozen and the hand brake was nonexistent. The only way the car could have stopped during the brief drives loading and unloading it on the trailer, was through the friction of the seized calipers. On top of that, who ever re-assembled the brake calipers lat, did it completely wrong, and since i put back the way i found 'em, it took me several hours to figure out what the hell i was doing wrong. Oh, also the hard line into the master was cross-threaded, making that leak and rust as well.

The good news is, now i need only bleed the system and make/tighten the final line connection. Now i just need a friend to come help me out...

I don't know what the hell the guy who did the brakes was thinking, but surprisingly the rest of the car is in pretty decent shape. It's going to need a muffler, which i i'll probably just have done and then i can straighten out the Italian-electrical gremlins. But that's all regardless because once the brake system has been brought online, i can test drive it for the first time.

I have defeated the brakes. What's that Chong Li?

Chong Li: Very good. But brake not hit back!

I'm drunk, so bare with me

i just got back from the local sports team game that i watched from some supplier's ultra-plush suite, the ticket for which i got from my job. See, as an employee of Auto-maker X, supplier Y offered our group tickets to this suite as a way to say "thanks." This was the ultra pimp-yourself event; my boss and his boss and the supplier's and their bosses and everyone's jerking each other off while sporting that shit-eating grin, presumably as a way to make yourself more marketable.

A little background: I knew what this was going to be and told myself i wouldn't go... but for some reason i turned colors and agreed to the ticket. Basically EVERYONE i come into contact with from my job was there. In the end, i decided free booze and food was not to be turned down.

I spent a lot of time talking to the wives because the men folk were busy "talking shop" and "wanking each other"... (i was only given one ticket, so was there solo). Apparently a lot of these people have daughters that are my age, because when it was all said and done, had been offered two daughters and a place to live rent free from my various drunken babbling. (to any of my girlfriends that might read this: i graciously declined all offers, except the one to tag-team that one guy's wife while he video tapes; we're working out the copy-right ownership). All i had to mention was some combination of "Employee of auto maker X" and "grad student" and they were offering up partial nudes of their first born. I wish i had brought a prostitute to help pass the time. In the end, i particularly enjoyed the awkward conversations of filler b.s. i had with my boss's boss, whom i've met only once before, with priceless tags like "how's it going" and "great to see you again."

During the long, shockingly-warm walk back to my car, i resolved (while partly drunk) to give all the money in my wallet to a homeless person, but never had the fortitude to follow through. it seemed like it might be a good way to smite the corporate-wheel-greasing system. In all, several lessons were learned.

1) the suites at "local sports team" arena are all different. Some look like hotel rooms, other look like strip clubs. 97% of the people who populate them are corporate schmucks in bad shirts.

1) middle class greed beats white-guilt every time.

2) it's still okay to drive drunk in detroit. err... partly drunk.

Did i mention that i kinda turned own a job offer earlier with supplier Y? yeah... it would have paid insane money, but i decided it wasn't worth it because i wouldn't have enjoyed the job. i'm not sure what the bigger self-lie was: the previous statement or the idea that i'll find something that *is* fulfilling. Anyway, i met the dude that they ended up giving that job to... I was like "have fun with all that, buddy." It was all oddly satisfying, in a "you screwed that chick that i turned down because i knew she has the hiv, kinda way."

i'm out.

this is very much how i feel about the Fiat.

Y'all need to open your ears up and soak this game up

Allow me to practice my sophist ways:

I have seen the future, my friends, and it doesn't live in a dog-forsaken cubicle. I may be the last to see the light, but my eyes are opening now... It's obvious that working for a giant corporation, sitting in a box under brain frying fluorescent lights and waiting patiently for death is a bad way to earn that 401K. But now those jobs are leaving, which is probably the best thing that could happen for a group of young (good looking), inventive (scrappy) and far-sighted (can hold our liquor) individuals such us. Master P says "Start a business"

Indeed Master P. Indeed.


We aint beefin like nah we on the positive vibe
But i still get the homocide squad on the side
See im holdin on to the steering wheel controllin the ride
And yall comin out a bumpin cuz i got it in drive


We need to come up with the good ideas and begin implementation of plan A. How can it be any riskier than working for the man? I've seen and heard about TOO many people that lose stupid jobs that they hated and end up crying in their beer over the whole deal.

It's time to start that race car school for strippers.

It's time to make a porno with an all Luara Branigan soundtrack.

It's time to start training for that race around the world.

Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take my self, you take my self control

indeed Laura Branigan. Indeed.

shout out

must... train... harder

scheduled to run this half marathon in April.

you think this is the kind of guy that would complain about a "bad day?"

oh yeah

Rob wants everyone to watch the internet video about 9/11 called 911-Loose Change. I agree. Just be ready to be very freaked out. In fact, i think notoreous could maybe offer some input about the feasibilities discussed with the aircraft?

update

I've been busy as hell. Fortunately, other than work, i've managed to pack my life full of things i WANT to be doing rather than those we're more ofthen than not forced to do. Mondays and Wednesday I put my time in at college, where i often see you mother... see... because she goes to college. Thursday has become weekly Risk night. However last night we also played this absolutley incredibe game Zombies! Finally, Friday is indoor unltimate night. Last week i managed to experienced the two greatest feelings in an ultimate game:

Picture this: You're on offense, and you cut deep and hard. I mean real deep, like a 75% length of the field cut and your defender is left picking up his socks. You look over your shoulder and see the disc coming in fast and high; If it's a bullet to the end zone, you're going to have to swing your head around, get your bearings and look straight up... and thats when you're in that moment, when you can't see the disc and you're running staright up and staring at the sky (or ceiling). But if you read it well before, you know it'll be coming into view over head. And then it does. and you catch it. and you are the champion of the world.

Now you're back on defense trying to stop the score in the end zone. The force is home side but the mark is weak and the the handler owns your teammate. The long, hooking throw is comming in from the away side, high, about to land right in your man's hands... your only option is to throw yoursef mercellesly into the air (you've only got one chance on the timing) and smack at the air with a long, outstretched finger. You half expect to cut throigh the air unchalleneged but then you feel the tell tale resistance of the plastic disc being angrilly re-directed off you finger tips, thus ensuring that you've prevented the score... and you're now free to fall uncontroled and broken to the floor, several feet below. Cheers ensue.

I love this game.

In fact, my job even managed to entertain me this week. I spent some tim ein the cold room, which is basically a big ass garage that's climate controled to the extreme. On this particular day, they had it dialed in at -40 degree farenheit... that's -40. To demonstrate the extreme of this temperature, someone took a cup of scalding water and thorugh it's contents into the air... it's instantly turned to white powder and came down as snow. Phase changes are awsome.

So, aside from these daily obligations, i'm still trying to put the Fiat in running order and keep the lady happy. Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge.

truth

thanks for the link, Rob

I need my pain; it's makes me who i am

there's been a lot of posting and replyin going on here, so i figured i'd keep the trend alive. I boughtthis computer from dell and am lying in bed typing on it right now. I'm sore as hell from ultimate last night: I owned a couple guys in the end zone with some mad catches and blocks... but they tend to end in spine jarring landings on one's side and/or head.

Side note: with this stupid laptop, i feel like tom hanks in "you've got mail."

I guess the event of note is, i didn't buy a mac this time. It's odd to have it worry about viruses again, not to mention the fact that i spent the first 8 hours of ownership re-installing windows to free myself of all the crap software they package on a new machine. (here's one for gnome: you gotta check out this program called acronis trueimage: it creates a partitioned image of your entire operating system and all drivers and applications so once you labor over getting your system set up perfectly, you always have a completely recoverable set-up from boot. There's other benfits, check it out.) living with a hacker is very nice.

Finally, i'd like to point more attention to "brokeback to the future." damn that was funny.

Oh yeah, this guy seems to have it all figured out. If you've ever heard his rant about how the purity of the Olympics has been lost and how every American thinkgs you're a failure if you don't bring home a gold, you'll more appreciate what happened last week.

the FUTURE Conan?

In honor of Notoreous' arrival on the interwebs, i would like to dedicate this link to him.

what is love?

I'm going to destroy you

"click"

today leaving work i saw a car try to ram another car off the road.

http://www.remtek.com/arms/glock/model/45/30/index.htm

smells like an old library...

Chestocrates got me thinking:

so i think i mentioned here the recent death of an aunt the the monumental amount of items she had in her house. Well, several months later, the greater share of these good have been sorted through, sold and distributed. As reward for my weekends spend cleaning and carrying, i acquired an old bookcase that once sat in my grandfather's office. He was a doctor in detroit and eventually gained a certain degree of notoriety as a public figure and sat on a few hospital boards. This particular oak case has twin glass doors and is about the most sexy piece of furniture i've ever seen, not to mention is hold twice as much as my home-made job. The man himself, i never did meet. They tell me he raised quite beautiful peacocks.

Along with the bookcase, i was free to have any book i could carry out of the place. There were, in my best guess, maybe 1000 or 2000 titles in all. Most of the paperback junk was sold for twenty five cents apiece, but it was the leagues of hardcovers and classics that caught my eyes. Almost ever book Vonnegut penned, some of them in first edition prints. Any "classic" author you could imagine was represented, such as Gore Vidal, Faulkner, Ryand, Fitzgerald... the list goes on. And it's not just one or two books, but every title that these authors had... not to mention the scores of books and people i'd never even heard of. Then there was the really obscure stuff; german texts from the turn of the century, an anti new-deal book called "the abundant life" (very intereting) and the book about the three guys who all think they're Jesus, to name a few. I ended up with maybe 50 books for myself, since i didn't want to be overly greedy. Some of these look to be worth some decent money and i'm sure there were a few gems that ended up being donated to various charities.

long coming

Now that i'm all back doing the college thing, i been busy.

First, i'm officially off my Mac high-horse; I ordered a PC-based Dell laptop. Sorry Mac, you would have made a nice laptop, but that would require the offset of a PC desktop.


Site attendance was up last month. I suspect is had something to do with Girls crushing cars. Also, for some probably ceepy reason, that picture of holly holding a bat with the "peed herself" caption has been highly searched and linked in UK search engines... They're probably using it in some weird scat site. awesome.

In case you didn't hear, there was a super bowl here last weekend. (how's this for a cellphone camera?? nice...)

Damn place was blowing up with people. We took these shuttles (buses) from the outer regions to get to the downtown area and it was just insane. These buses were surrounded by a sea of people and i couldn't help think in my mind, "this is what it will be like when the end comes and they're trying to evacuate an entire cities' population in a short time."




Text version of this website

mother?

Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town!
Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there!

There is a GOD! and he loves us... How else can i explain these girls crushing cars?

What the sweet hell is going on on this internet? Who are these people??? Heather, you sweet-vixen, car-crushing, self proclaimed revolutionary and seeker of enlightenment...

could it be? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? We find these freakish things on the interwebs and we crap ourselves a little then we take a shower and forget about the whole ordeal, but didn't you see? all those car-crushing bio's said they were from michigan. MICHIGAN, DAMMIT!

THIS JUNK YARD IS 15 MILES FROM MY HOUSE. (scroll down for map) Ypsilanti, WHY, Ypsilanti??

...so tired...
...so defeated...

super ball's in detroit this year. that's the home of robocop

--meatwad

I love it: such a simple idea and yet so important. After five days of labor we set two aside and redefine ourselves. Two days to remember that we are not merely corporate cogs, but instead are Fiat mechanics and marathon men, professional drinkers and amateur dancers (or could it be the other way around?), body builders, recreational readers, hackers, music aficionados and of course, sweet, sweet love makers.

Five plus two, repeat until desired results are reached.

(of course, I guess the theory is we’re always working towards a job that makes those five days feel like an extended weekend. But until I can find a job that changes every day, lets me use my hands and my mind, involves lots of sweet, sweet lovin and has greats benefits, I’ll be relying on the weekends for my satisfaction.)

this weekend is particularly crazy round these parts do to el supero bollo (thank you three years of spanish)

i can't help but quote this ESPN blog: If you love burned-out brick buildings, this is the city for you; I have to believe Detroit leads the nation in low-rent housing that's been devastated by combustion. And this raises a question I had never considered until today: What (or who) is causing all of these fires?

My initial assumption was that these places were torched on purpose, probably for slumlord insurance purposes. However, a friend who lives here claims this carnage is usually caused by squatters; a building gets abandoned, it becomes occupied by rap-battling hobos, the hobos start a fire inside a garbage can for warmth, and fiery chaos eventually ensues. This makes sense (sort of), but the sheer number of these burned-out houses makes me imagine an explanation that's far more sinister. Is some supercriminal traveling around the city, randomly burning everything he sees for pleasure? This town truly needs a RoboCop.

we've all got secrets

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10927526/ I however would like to take credit for the idea of using sept 11 to fake your own death

here we go again

a lot of automotive folk found out monday that they were getting canned in the short future; it was news that one couldn't escape for three days in these parts, and now has sipped into obscurity along with the fact that sweden has vowed to be completely fossil fuel free by 2020. (google it; i don't have the energy to link)

Well now i must break my short lived vow of not trying to figure things out in a public forum-type setting. As the voice of the masses carries so far, i couldn't block out the common themed cries about "fat cat auto execs" that take million dollar bonuses while the company is "selling out the working man."

[sigh]

no one ever mentions that the "working man" in this case can easily make upwards of 100K a year with OT. I think people are afraid to state the obvious, which is these jobs are based on a legacy of low-skilled people performing repetitive tasks for what probably amounts to some 5 hours a day. Do you understand what i'm saying? Sure, maybe half those workers are real "hands on type" people, but the other half aren't even familiar with basic hand tools, which wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so god damned cocky about their jobs and such.

Likewise, why should anybody, executive or otherwise, volunteer self inflicted pay cuts at company A, when company B, C and D are paying the going rate for the work they're qualified for? I think the red-states will agree with me when i say nothing's more american than leaving a perfectly good job for one that pays slightly more money.

I've decided that when i look out onto the city of detroit, it's not unlike staring at one of those 3D posters. If you focus too closely, you'll go insane trying to count the squiggles. If you let things get to hazy, you might as well be in a drunken stupor. You have to find just the right amount of focus. (of course, those 3D posters never worked for me and i suspect everyone who claims to see the sail boat is a lying fuck)

Being a battery engineer, today i stopped a finished car going out the plant door, so i could use it to test-run a battery charger. When i opened the hood, i noticed that the screws meant to hold in one of the head lights were sitting in the holes but completely unfastened. The freakin light could have fallen off the car at any time. I asked the repair guy if he was going to report it and he said "what's the point?"

What's the point indeed

worms in my brain get them out

As mentioned, i have very limited internet access at work; almost completely utilitarian in nature, we get sites like Map-quest, weather.com and one that was just recently added, MSNBC. At first i thought it would be nice to have a ready internet distraction during the all too frequent down times and when i can't stand another piece of alternative energy literature without incurring the onset of seizures. But like most grand ideas, (most notably, the idea of "a stripper wife") this was not as great as it would seem.

Look, the problem is i have too much time, enough to read every article MSNBC has published in a week. It's too much and at the same time not enough... first i start on a national level. these articles about the war, they just don't mean anything by themselves, like looking at a mural through a pin-hole. See, today, i read about John Walker Lindh. He was a freedom fighter, see and he was fighting against the northern alliance with a team the U.S. supported back when john first went into the bush. Then things changed and everyone switched sides. They say he thought he was being rescued by U.S. forces when they picked him up; boy was he wrong. But then again, did he start the prison riot that killed that CIA official? One story with so many perspectives. things aren't going as well as some would like you to believe. A lot of people die but a lot of people don't; they just get blown up and put back together.

There was another article; it was about famous football players who get killed in the war by friendly fire and normal people who get the same thing. It told us about letters home that say they were heros and how many unfriendlies were killed by that person and the way to keep up moral is to keep FF on the DL. It was here because i saved it and now it's gone forever even though MSNBC keeps articles online for months after they're published. And then i wonder if i ever even read that article and think quietly "is anyone keeping track of this?"

See, the average person would never have time to read all this crap everyday, but then when you do, it's like a curse. Right, here's the problem: we weren't there and we'll never really know what happened. In fact, even if we were there, we'd only know what happened from our side of the room and that doesn't tell you a damn thing about what the other guy saw let lone why those people where doing that thing they may or may not have done. Does it make any sense? It's like when you ask for someone's opinion and they try to see things from your perspective but they can't because your perspective is built off a lifetime of experience that can never be fully understood even by you, let alone the guy in the cube across from you who just disappeared one day because his "legal issues" caught up with him and his wife thought the judge was going to go in the guy's favor especially with the baby involved but it didn't work out that way and no-one every saw him after that. Too much but not enough. I think his name was Ron because that's the person people ask for now when they walk by his desk two or three times and say "didn't ron sit over here?" and i say who?

i think i'm going to take a little time off to work on my car.

once more for the crowd

In case you haven't figured it out, MSN is one of the few websites i have access to at work. I don't know why they choose this.

Anyway, turns out americans are the sober, photo snapping snitches of the space party: see for yourself

Also, keep your enemies closer, as they say.

hope for the future

my seven (is he seven?) maybe eight year old nephew just got a little pet rat and very little white pet mouse. he named the rat "lieutenant Magma" and the much smaller mouse "tiny."

genius, pure genius.

reality pulls us back in

sometimes i hate online news sources because they can amend articles and then you have no proof of the original content. for example, this article about Ray Nagen originally didn't elude to any controversy surrounding the New Orleans Mayor and simply quoted his racist comments as fact. Thinking it was pretty funny, i planned to post it here. Of course, now that one person somewhere had an original thought and realized this guy's a dick, MSN jumped on board for the big win.

Also, everyone should read this article about friendly fire. It should ellicite some kind of response, even if you are dead inside.

crazy old man

I miss the old guy at work. He was a retired employee of "company X" that came back as a contractor (basically like me) to fill some time, make some money and offer some expertise. I don't really know a lot of people where i work because i only actually do work with a few of them. Also, as we all know, engineers don't make very exciting friends, and i'm surrounded by hard-core desk-jocky engineer types. Frank, as he was appropriately named, was not only a constant presence, but also a good guy with which to discuss the nothings that you discuss to fill the day. Unfortunately, as of the first of this year, he is re-retired.

Since we were both contract workers for the worst engineering group in the company (leadership-wise) we had (or "have" in my case) a lot of empty time to fill. When we got bored, we'd wonder around our huge engineering complex, discussing for the most part, cars. I can say without a doubt that he had some degree of experience with every aspect of automotive design and manufacture. Also, he was a former supervisor, so it made me feel a little better when he agreed that our immediate higher-up was a useless mass and most of the industry is not as we live it. If it hadn't been for this old guy, i would have learned very little in the past 6 months. Worse, the bit that i picked up on my own was the real trivial stuff, like "how to fill out form Z" or "where to request access A." You know, the type of stuff that the losers above would ask me to do as my part in the cogs of the corporate gear system. Even still they pretty much leave me to fend for myself on that info. Frank, on the other-hand, was preaching the good stuff; how to get ahead in the business, how to interact with the factory workers, ways to subvert, side-step or weasel around the system. He could talk to angry plant/quality/whoever managers and tell them not what they wanted to hear, but what he need to say in a way they'd want to hear it.

we would often find ourselves working at one of the many local assembly plants and end up walking the lines. He had such a wealth of knowledge it's just spill out. Then, when the topic of work wore out, we'd turn to the topic of cars in general. He was working on an old MG... i can't remember the year. He'd offer advice for the Fiat and even go as far as offer up use of his son's car hoist, should the need arise. Sure, occasionally he'd forget what topic he was speaking on and would require a reminder and yes, it was pretty hard to interject my own thoughts once he got rolling, but what can you do?

My old guy emailed me the other from Florida. He said the weather was wonderful and he saw a bobcat from his patio. He asked for an update on my current job prospect, which he was advising me about (still outstanding) and mentioned that he hasn't had a chance to go fishing yet, but you better god damned believe he's gonna. (the last bit were my words, not his)

the boob icon is broken :(

I love listening to Car Talk on public radio. Here's a great fan letter i found on the website.

a tech quiz

which of the following rumors is true:

a) high-tower quit his lucrative engineering job in alaska to return to tech to get a teacher's certificate in order to return to a remote city in alaska to be a teacher.

b) the wildman set a wedding date for his fall minneapolis wedding which will take place in a park.

Skelert, you're exempt from answering.

from the 313

this quite hilarious internet video oddly reminds me of my time spent in the U.P. last month.

Also, you guys have to check out the FBI's wanted lists. There's like the crazy lookin dudes you'd expect, but then's the the international man of mystery and the ex-military guy who probably joined the A-team... we should take bets on who of us will end up there.

Finally, i'm shocked at how much good content MSN has. And i can access it from work. this article deals with Lions and their thirst for human blood. Can you even imagine fighting a lion?


(Keep hitting refresh)

Eat your vegetables. Except Broccoli.

this is a pretty good article about diet vs. vitamin supplements.

this is a pretty creepy article about what happens when you light things on fire that are still alive.

I hate Detroit

it's funny too, because my last three roommates all loved this hell hole. Rapper and celebrity Obie Trice was shot last week on a Detroit freeway. I drive on that Detroit freeway. Then again, lots of people do. Then again some more, lots of people get shot.

Grey. Dead. Broke. Burned. like a rotting pirate ship long abandoned. It's not that the city is COMPLETELY devoid of all culture and entertainment... it's just that one has to work so hard to seek out such devices. Also, no offense to, uh, anyone, but the people around here ("here" being "the northern midwest") aren't exactly as a whole... attractive.

Unfortunately, or conveniently, this is really the only place were i can become a master of two trades I'm loving: autos and alternative energy. Today at work i sat in a million dollar car; one of only 60 that will ever be made, it's the first "consumer" fuel cell vehicle. From the outside, it was basically a compact with a fancy pant job and freakishly high curb weight. sadly, there's only two applicable gas stations in michigan, with no plans for additional. I'll avoid rambling on about the state of the industry and the technology and all that.

Monday i start classes: "Hydrogen Infrastructure and Alternative Energy Transportation." It's been exactly three years since i've been involved in any sort of scholastic program and i'm hoping it won't be too hard to clean the rust off the ol' gears. I think i'm excited. hopefully i won't get shot.

...damn i'm itchy for a tattoo...

update: this guy knows what i'm saying. Even if it is from a few years back. So basically Imagine this, but with time to get worse.

my online impersonation of an angry new englander

you ever wonder how much energy your TV uses when it's "turned off?" (i'll save you the medical mumbo-jumbo, it's probably between 10 and 25 watts.)

you want to see a lot of f'in pictures and videos of aircraft compliments of NASA?

eh?

you down with one of the best online sources for alt energy resources?

you know anything about the new hybrid tax laws ya punk?

(i should sleep now...)

let me check my notes, reprise

A poem for the new year, written by former detroit-blogger rob, inspired by the engineer's life.

A slave ship for stupid
white people of course,
opposed to smart indians
in Delhi; job outsourced.
Engineers aren't queers
so rest your fears,
of them surfing at work
gay porn.


But i digress. on a side note and AS an engineer (engineer of machines, engineer of men, engineer of funk), this year I hope everyone can learn to see the beauty of functionality.

let's do a round up:

astro-tourists? no.
flying cars? maybe after i get the fiat running.
meals in a pill? nay.
peace on earth/goodwill towards folks? negative.
ultra-efficient fuel-sipping cars? only in a honda press-release.

looks like we haven't caught up to the future yet. but then again, my cell-phone has a 3D graphics card and simultaneously can radiate microwaves deeper into my skull than any before, so we must be doing something right.

I'm Batman

this will be my final entry of the year. I hope it meets the standard that i have set in the past 12 months.

In case you missed it.

I try not to dwell on world events, but It could be argued that the shit pretty much jumped off this year. I, for one, have a hard time remembering last week, so for my sake and yours, we'll recap the highlights. For you the viewer, i will scientifically rank the importance of these events, in this, the last of the year's "of 10" ranking game.

-Tsunami becomes a household word. A quarter of a million brown people get "a very bad feeling about this" before they and everything they know are taken away by a wall of liquid death. Stupid American news insists on first reporting number of American dead. U.S. response: could that happen to us?/10

-Indian Earth quake kills nearly 100,000. No one has any more info on this. Didn't "those brown people" just have a tsunami? me: what the hells going on?/10 U.S. BOR-ING!/10

-A hurricane proves how close society is to calapsing at any given moment. This event is memorialized by the rape, murder and random gun fire that follow. Neighboring towns close their borders to refugees with a makeshift wall of shotguns and redneck cops. Gas goes to 3$/gal and i wait with baited breath for gun fire to erupt in my neighborhood. The revolution never comes. In the end, though saddened by he misery, I can't help thinking, this is why I don't love below sea level. Also, the used car market is flooded with flooded cars. (carfax.com your used car purchases for the next 3 years). Finally, news reports inevitably interview locals who draw obvious connections to the "t-sue-naa-mi" that recently wrecked residents of the Indian ocean, even though the number dead from Katrina was about 0.01% the number dead from wall of liquid death.
Army Corp of Engineers: "I told you"/10

-The big Cheese bites the big enchilada. (the pope is dead.) Worry not, little little camper, for in no time a replacement old man who is completely out of touch with reality is ushered in to replace the hat diva of yore. me: 0/10.

-Civil unrest in France. i'm still not sure this even happened. Me: [null]/10

-Michael Jackson wears pajamas to court. Why is it that i can go from sweat pants and wife beater to full suit in less than 3 minutes when the Raging Cajun is in town, but MJ's team of freak herders can't wrastle that man-boy into a pair of slacks? If the world had ended that day, i would not have cared. me -6/10.

-1000's of U.S. soldiers die in Middle East. 10,000's of other people die of the same disease. Thankfully, the fighting ended months ago. As a result, Iraq has an election. I don't know how i feel about this anymore. Numb, i suppose.

-"Tear'rists" bomb British public transportation. Can we even FEEL shock anymore? me: I still wish we had public transportation/10

-A guy is shot for running off a plane suspiciously. Some claim the man made bomb threats, while most maintain the word "bomb" was never uttered. Events are made more disturbing by the fact that almost every citizen agrees the man had it coming, thus proving The idea of living in fear has firmly been rooted into our society,
me: 9/10

-I get a well-paying job that requires little actual work and even fewer original thoughts. I slip into a coma of boredom and fill my days writing absurd blog postings. To dull the pain, i buy a 1979 Fiat Spider and fulfill one life-long dream, that of having a fun, second car. In order to combat the inevitable death of my brain, i enroll in grad school, thus fulfilling a second life-long goal, actively participating in the official study of alternative energy technology; A science for a future. My cynicism is briefly sidelined.
me: 6/10

There was some other stuf... a slew of airplane incidents, some political deaths (both national and local, figurative and literal), and some of us finally become a member of Steve Job's I-Pod nation. ( i feel so urban and silhouette-ie) So in conclusion, just in case you forgot, this year sucked bad for a lot of people. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But then again, if you're going to study Alternative energy technologies you gotta have some hope for the future.

to the victor go the spoils

today the Fiat and I locked heads in the first of what will surely be on ongoing series of epic battles. Today's war was waged when i decided it was time she released hold on those dreaded security lock lugs. Have you ever tried to remove the lugs of a wheel with nothing more than a series of large wrenches and own guts? I'm here to tell you child, it ain't a pretty sight. The first two, whom i have affectionately named Skip and Skipper, were worked off with some industrial grade penetrating oil and the biting teeth of my adjustable wrench ("dogs" as they honestly and appropriately call this tool in the electrical trade.)

Skip's older sister Veronica is a bitch. Fortunately, I was able to take my Dremel tool to her face and make me a fine surface for my wrench, ol' bitey, to grab onto. She was third to die. That left Sedgwick. Sedqwick, i determined, is the older, molesting uncle of the first three lugs and wasn't leaving his home with out fight. I'll spare you all the details of the final extraction, the same way a doctor leaves out the part were he was standing on the table, cracking your gran-pappy's rib-cage. But i will say, before the job was done, my knuckles were mangled, my borrowed pipe wrench was warm and RoboCop 2 had been quoted at least once.



"You're coming with me, Cain."

today's day

White guys rapping is funny. I offer this movie from SNL as proof.

interesting:

About 15 minutes a day, of my total daily internet usage, is spent looking at new material. Inevitably, i always seem to find things like this. Who makes this stuff? And how much of it am i missing?

Fiat update:

Finally spent some quality time with the Fiat in my newly heated garage. Here's what i found:

The good: I found the clutch inspection plate that my tranny was missing, in my pile o' parts. Now i just need to find the four bolts that hold it on.

The bad: The wheels have locking lugs on them and neither I nor the guy i bought it from has the key to get them off. Any ideas how to go about this? (and i don;t have dynamite, so don't even ask)

The ugly: this car has an alarm system on it. No shit, just like the Caddy did. It's disabled because the battery is out... but i found these two remotes in the parts pile that looked like garage door openers... no joke, they're huge. Well then i find a black box in the glove box that's the heart of the alarm, tied into a motion detector. this thing is straight out of the 80's... very retro. I shall be sure to cut it out as soon as i get the wheels off.

Locking lugs AND an alarm on a 79 Fiat? somebody was a little paranoid.

more fo the same

For some reason, today, my memory neurons were firing images of an old train i used to have growing up. It was this big ass train that we used to set up around the base of our holiday tree. It was an old school engine about the size of my steal current steel-toe boots. There were 4 cars that it towed, including a caboose that had it's own lights inside and took it's own batteries. The train itself took about a million batteries and ran and made noises and even made real smoke from it's smoke stack. (you had to put house-hold oil in this little compartment and the damn thing burned it or something... smelt like a real train.) There's no way they're making trains now that smoke!

Anyway, this thing had so many lights and bells and whistles it looked liked like a freakin space ship at night coming around that tree. I still remember the joy i would get from taking one of the lesser ornaments and setting it on the track as the train came round and taking mental bets to see if the ornament would derail the train or if the cow-brush equipped engine would crush the ornament... or some combination there off.


Howard Stern is playing best of episodes all this week before Xmas and i caught part of one today on my way to work; it was one with Sam Kenison as the guest.

Sam Kenison was one of the funniest muthas of the modern era (rivaled only by aristotle's timeless classic "fake spear through the head" routine). [sigh] such a genius... rumor is he gained his tremendous delivery skills as a preacher but then fell from the church. Sam has been dead for over 10 years and i still can't freakin believe it. The worst part is, his material has moved into near total obscurity. His stand up is too "real" for regular TV and too old for premium channels. And the few songs/tv spots/movies that he appeared in have all gone by the way side. In fact, i can't even find much in the illegal MP3 web. Why sam? WHY!!?


Finally, i will leave you with a quote from my current favorite blogger, Latigo Flint:

Where do the female whitewater rafting guides go, with their tight cutoff jeans and sunscreened noses, when the first days of winter roll so dreary and cruel?

Back to heaven I reckon, where they do pass the time with granola and sit-ups until sunshine and joy does call them once more to the shore.

continuing with our theme...

not even drunk

back from canada

okay, look. Some things should never, EVER, EVER be combined. Calculus and hot Chicks who think they're comedians is a good exmaple of this rule.

I wish i had invented this.

update:

1) sickness (of body) has finaly been defeated. Returning to training is hard... snow is cold and hurts. Must not be made soft by tastey holiday treats.

b) am now oficially enrolled in WSU Alternate Engergy Technology program. (WSUAETP or "wi-sue-ept" as i am now coining).

iii) today at work i saw a trash container full of brand new high output alternators in one of the shops. appearantly, they're cleaning house and these were no longer of use. Of course, the MAN says i can't take them home because he's affraid i'll sell them as new. Do you know what you can do with a 150 Amp alternator? put a prop on it and make it into a wind-generator (see bullet "b"). Or hook an electric motor up to it and use it as a welder... the possibilities are endless... and there must have been 100 of these things, some still in the boxes. This is why auto companies fail.

(add to list of things to do with those alternators: sell them as new)

F.I.A.T.

Fix It Again, Tony!

no pics yet

I will now recite the story of the Fiat. It all began when my housemate Jon let me drive his Miata, a light, two-seat convertible that was like a E-drop on wheels. It was then that i resigned to look for a fun, cheap car that i could love and wrench through the few warm months of the year.

The search was an easy one; sit back and see what comes my way. There were some misses, for sure, but then i found the red, 1979 fiat spider roadster. It was on E-bay and i watched it not make the reserve and fall into obscurity. Knowing my time had come, I made a move to contact the seller and arrange a viewing. Since it was located in Butt-nowhere michigan in the middle of winter, i could low-ball him. Because he had several vehicles on his property and the Law was coming down on him, he was desperate to sell. The car also included several boxes of spare parts, plus things like extra doors, windshield, tranny, which though i had little interest in, might be useful in recovering some money when it comes time for me to peddle them.

I talked it over with my person Fiat consultant and religious guide, Notorious. Turns out he has the exact same car of the the exact same year. We discussed the nuances of owning such a vehicle and the total package worth of the particular car in question. The consensus was, it was a good deal and would be a fun ride.

I made the seller an offer which turned out to be nearly 20% lower than his desperate E-bay reserve, and then i waited. After some time, he took the bait. (Of course, should the car say, explode, this story shall forever be re-told as "I took the bait") The car was mine... but now what?

Since the recently re-worked transmission had no gear oil in it, it could only be driven for short distances. Also, the brakes were needy. So it would have to be trailer-towed for the 100+ mile trip home. The seller was sounding remorseful on his
decision to go low and was threatening that more prospects were coming by and he would have to take any higher offers. (having conceded mentally this was a good use of money (HA!), and getting used to the idea of the car being mine, i was getting a little nervous about losing it) I told him i'd be there Friday with a trailer and cash, i just didn't realize how hard those are to come-by.

There's a big chunk of the story that involves me spending hours on the phone finding the cheapest way to transport the vehicle, arranging schedules and trying desperately to release the funds from my account and put them into cold-cash form. I wouldn't bother you with details... But i will say, there's a line in the movie Serenity that goes a little something to the effect of " You can know all the math in the 'Verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens." On the long trip back, housemate Jon and I discussed the adventure on our hand-radios and decided the seller, based on wardrobe and location, must have been a member of the arian nation (well, probably not... but maybe). So in essence, we rescued the Fiat from a racist strong hold, and delivered it into a loving house and a fine garage.

But in the end, the hardest part about this whole experience is the nay-sayers, the nonbelievers and the anti-italian-car clowns; Those who refuse to let the dream live and instead chose to stomp it down with their short, wide feet that almost certainly smell of cabbage. Why, why, WHY! they would cry... If i have to explain it to you in a rust colored picture of oil leaks and top-down excitement, then you'll never understand. They can't taint a wonderful idea that almost certainly cannot fail... I mean what could go wrong now?

...

(The Original E-Bay posting... not sure how long it will be up)

Suprise, Suprise.

I would like to continue my musing about cars. Specifically, our cars. It costs a lot of damn money to own a car and that sucks. Figure, for a new car and a 5 year loan, you're not going to get away at less than $300 a month. And at that price, we're talking a plastic egg with a 4-banger. Now add insurance: Some of you may pay as little as a hundred a month, but as i am not both over 25 and "squeaky clean" in the records department, i pay a little more. Then, for shits, throw in gas at $20 a week (i'll be generous). You now pay $425 a month for a shitty car. (i'm more in the 600 range for an orange car.) that's 15 to 20 dollars a day just to own and operate your car. We're not talking upkeep here folks... figure a grand a year easily, averaged over the life of the car. This is why, in the future, I will work to ensure i can walk or bike to work.

Or, if you lived in Europe you could ride the tube for about a buck a day. But who really believes in public transportation anyway?

Also, it looks like Grad School finally got around to accepting me, so I if understand the cryptic email asking me to register for classes, i'll be starting the "Alternative Energy Technology" program at Wayne Statue U. in January.

word

the old days

this student group in Texas reminds me of my brief period spent at the Gonzo news organization, Christ Puncher. Though i must admit, the work being done nowis leagues ahead of the back-door operation of days past.

Side note: Serenity came to the dollar show here and i checked it out. That movie is bad ass: Like a western in space. Plenty of one-liners too. I give it several raised body parts.

black magic

this is unholy.

(there really is a green dot... cover half the screen. The disappearing thing, i can't explain.)

for those who understand cars...

...and those who don't

this jeep is bad.

this jeep is good.

ahem

WAKE UP AMERICA!!
[que patriotic music]

this is your reality
******
your unfavorable backgrounds and hobos are gone
your ass is flatter and your stomach less repulsive
your custom generated features are better lit
your titties are bigger and symmetrical
your skin is less wrinkled and ragged
your weathered tats are gone
******

smart-funny

This is about the funniest video i've seen on the internet this year.

If you dig, you can see the first 4 episodes here.

Did i mention that today i drove to Toledo and back in a work vehicle? Interesting thing, this particular truck was an pre-production "export" model, which meant the steering wheel was on the right. It was crazy. The hard part as trying to shift and change radio stations with my left hand. The harder part was trying to keep the right wheels out of the center of the lane. The rewarding part was when truckers and such would look over and get that Kramer-esq freaked out look their face.

no talent ass-clowns

having both a) lived in a snowy hell where cars get stuck daily and b) worked in the auto industry... this clip is pretty darn funny.

Training update:

Nearly a week of training lost to sickness with no end in sight. Seems the bird flu came early this year. Also, the family-filled weekend of buffet-oriented entertainment, probably didn't help my cardio situation.

can't get... "no easy way out..." out of head... must workout... in Siberian barn...

i feel like the guy on the right

chicks dig the fury rats

i don't know what the hell is going on.

this seems pretty legit

You will go to jail for: You claimed sex toys as a business expense on your tax forms Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

assignment of worth

My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

those crazy germans pt II

to think, this car is having problems getting into the US because of "safety regulations".

more drabble

I have been inspired to return to my roots. well, pseudo roots, that include a college career full of running. Shit, i took a class in the damn sport (or whatever you want to call) so technically the art or pastime or whatnot of running partially earned me a bachelor's degree. Inspired partly by chestocrates and the Wildman in their ventures, and partly by my growing, daily dependance on alcohol, i've decided to begin training for a marathon. The marathon specifics, i have not yet decided, but i done figured i should be good and ready by the summer, with autumn being my fallback date.

Things may not go well. It wouldn't be the first time i grew bored and just gave up (anyone want to buy that damn guitar?) but i've been putting in a lot of foot-time lately, and though I will not completely adopt a full training schedule until the first of the year, i'm feeling good about this. Plus, as my shoulders have always been my greatest source of anatomical failure, my legs as best as i can recall, have never failed me.

So that's that. I think Ultimate-Patimus will be my "kinda" training partner. We may run a few 10 or 5ks here and there in the mean time. Now where's the beer?

this should entertain youse.
this could be fake, but it makes me think of Chestocrates.

LINKS!

first, yes, Bush is an idiot. Who cares? He wins. He will always win. If you disagree with him you are a minority and should realize that your people are on the losing team.

Second, well, there is no second.

I'm going to sleep

like a sailor without a boat

when did this new "flag" option show up, allowing you to flag blogs with questionable content?

and why doesn't spell check recognize "blog?"

(computer: learn spelling)

well at least that's settled. i need a boat.

oh my

(i wrote this post a few days ago at work, but with the recent re-election of "the man" i feel it's eve more appropriate)

Today as I was pulling into Company X parking lot I saw a man in a suit standing next to his brand new Car. This was a new car that had just recently been released to the public and it was shiny and sleek and hip and modern and all the things a new car should be to appeal to the masses. (It's been selling very well) And the guy himself looked modern and hip and clean and proud and all the things a guy should look to succeed and present himself as so. But then I looked beyond him and saw he and his car were alone in a parking lot of cracked concrete and faded paint, littered with debris. The dreary lot was surrounded by a rusty fence crowned with broken barbed wire, keeping out the derelicts that reside in the burned out hulks, but failing to restrain the overgrown foliage and unkempt lawns. And the further I expanded my field of vision, the dirtier and uglier and more destitute the whole picture became.

That's when I realized I was staring at a perfect picture of Detroit. And I was about to hit a parked car. I avoided the parked car but the collision of contrast left a stain on my brain.

"Fuck the G-rides, I want the machines that are building them"
-Rage Against The Machine

fun time

Ant City

for sale
(with pics)

join up

why everyone is wrong and the whole system is fucked:

Just when i thought i had thoroughly acquainted myself with all the biases levied against a contract worker in a major corporation, i am yet again shocked at my shirt sightedness. Today i discovered that company X has a very nice, large, brand new health club nestled deep in the bowels of the building, featuring expansive spaces and decedent equipment. Further more, even during what should be peak work out hours (lunch time) the facility was nearly completely empty. (i can not help but theorize this has something to with living in Michigan and working with lazy, professional fatties)

Step off that tread mill good man, you sir can walk the streets of the city and lift rocks for endurance. But don't lift car parts, for as an engineer and a non-union member, you shall be cast to the depths of hell.

Of course, i never would have even found the facility if my co-worker and i had goals and tasks with which to fill our day. But, as he put it, this is the most low-tech, un-fulfilling, directionless position i've ever had. And he retired from company X after 30 years of service, coming back as contract, i guess, to make his life a little less boring. guess we both lose.

I have officially given up on Company X and begin anew my search for fulfillment through employment. Also, i will stop whiney now. about work. but watch out for my trash talk about everything else.

all i hear is white noise

Holly and I went to the U2 concert last night and it kicked the Llama's ass. House-mate's and I dominated the concert in a way only experienced, college grads like us could. Housemate Stos managed to get his full name displayed on the band's crazy stage-effects generator right in the middle of the show, but sadly he was there with his mother and not able to impress any women. (you'll have to talk to him about the details, i'm in a hurry)

Also, former house-mate and recently-retired-blogger rob used the opportunity of the concert to surprise, and i suspect locally seduce, long term female Steph.

Holly and i on the other hand made our mark by standing freakishly close to the stage the whole time. I made up some diagrams at work today to show what went down. However, since i'm now out of work and on "Curt-time" I won't go into detailed explanation. But i will mention this: we were close enough to Bono to see that he has freakishly stubby fingers that i suspect, smell like cabbage.





Note: on the close up of the stage, its actually Larry who plays drums, not Adam. Also, Larry never smiles. In fact, he looks as if he hates the whole crowd.

windy

mother nature's a bitch.

proof.

more proof.

and this is just silly.

sing and dance and screw

She came from Greece,
she had a thirst for knowledge.
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College.
That's where I caught her eye.

She told me that her Dad was loaded.
I said, in that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola.
She said fine, and in thirty seconds time she said,

I want to live like common people.
I want to do whatever common people do.
I want to sleep with common people.
I want to sleep with common people, like you.

Well, what else could I do?
I said, I'll see what I can do.

I took her to a supermarket.
I don't know why, but I had to
start it somewhere, so it started there.

I said, pretend you've got no money.
She just laughed, and said
oh you're so funny. I said, yeah?
Well, I can't see anyone else smiling in here.

Are you sure you want to live like common people?
You want to see whatever common people see?
You want to sleep with common people?
You want to sleep with common people, like me?
But, she didn't understand,

[Jackson]
She just smiled and held my hand.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
When you're lying in bed at night
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.

[Shatner]
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw

[Jackson and Shatner]
because there's nothing else to do.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Sing along with the common people.
Sing along, and it might just get you thru.'

[Chorus]
Laugh along with the common people.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Laugh along, even though they're laughing at you

[Shatner]
and the stupid things that you do
'cause you think that poor is cool.

[Jackson]
Like a dog lying in a corner,
they'll bite you and never warn you.
Look out.

[Shatner]
They'll tear your insides out
'cause everybody hates a tourist.

[Jackson]
'Cause Everybody hates a tourist,
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh.

[Shatner]
Yeah, and the chip stains' grease
will come out in the bath.

[Shatner and Jackson]
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go.

You're amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright,
while you can only wonder why.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
'Cause When you're lying in bed at night

[Shatner]
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.


You'll never live like common people

[Shatner and Jackson]
You'll never do what common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do.

[Chorus]
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.

judge me

my appreciation for articles like this and the people who right them will forever prevent me from becoming "a sophisticate" or "refined" because deep down inside, i just want to drive a fast car and listen to loud music.

Let's see what's in the news today!

Compliments of the Detroit Free Press, On Guard for 174 years...

Delphi Declares Bankruptcy; A major automotive supplier and employer of unionized workers says "yo, yo, yo, i gots no dough!" This move would never work for an actual manufacturer of vehicles because it would destroy customer loyalty and faith in the product. Who wants to buy a car from a company that you can't be sure will be around in 3 years? It seems one sided to blame the union workers and their outrageous wages... but we will anyway.

Something about an earthquake somewhere... Another 40K dead... What is that for last two years? about a quarter million dead from weather, world wide?

Local news: (not even front page here)

Detroit Zoo Faces Uncertain Future; The auto industry takes a dive and Michigan follows. And when you've got the most depressed major city in a state with the highest unemployment...

Fire Bomb Hits house of Ecorse Mayoral Candidate; yeah, this happened about 5 miles from my house. There's more stuff, but i don't much have the energy or desire anymore. Time to check out the comics.

"where as profound hatred can can feel transfiguring, sadness just sits there"

an american revolution

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29453

just because i found this too painful to read, you all may appreciate it

again, from the top

I'm sitting at my desk listening to two co-workers talk about Phil Collins and Elton John. (I don't have outside internet access, so i'll type this up and post it later). These guys in the Cubes next to me can't be much more than few years older that I am, but they're both married and at least one has kids. They've come to the agreement that Phil Collins is just great, but the Indian guy can't convince the White guy that Elton John is equally good. He's Siting examples such as Benny and the Jets that should prove Mr. John has a beautiful voice. Meanwhile, the white guy is using counter example's of the bigger hits like Candle in the Wind and Daniel's Song, saying that even those songs, although moving, cannot make up for what he considers to be an "unlikable" voice.

In the time it has taken me to type the above paragraph, the conversation has shifted to one guy telling the other guy how great the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" is. The second guy hasn't seen it, but in an attempt to demonstrate his recognition of the topic, has started listing other Julia Roberts movies that he HAS in fact seen.

I'm gonna go see the Omelet Chef and drown reality in fried omelet goodness.


Update: Several Hours later... Cube partner to the other side is talking to some chick on the phone. I know, because when a guy is talking to a chick, and trying a little to hard, you can tell. In fact, his "guy-ness" signal is turned up so high, i can nary resist the urge to punch him in the face. Anyway, he keeps talking about how he can't be any fun when "she's around" and he can't be himself or he gets into trouble. I can only assume he's talking about his wife. In the time it has taken to type THIS paragraph, the conversation has shifted to how long it will take until the girl on the other end of the line finds a new boyfriend. Thankfully, something of extreme inappropriateness has come up and now he speaks in a hushed whisper, and i am free to fantasize about sailing boats.

"I'm smiling all the time. that doesn't mean a goddamned thing except i think people who go around solemn faced and quoting the bible are full of shit"
-Former Detroit Mayor, Coleman Young

stuffs

I've just finished reading Lee Iacocca's Biography from 1984. Given my current line of work and fair interest in the auto industry, i figured it would be an appropriate read; also, it was free.

The two new pieces of inforamtion that were gathered are as follows: First, Henry Ford the II, (grandson of old man Ford) was as insane as his Grand-pappy. In fact, the whole Ford Clan were ravign maniacs that lived a life of wealth, racism, isolationism and did i mention un-godly wealth? All in the city and surrounding burbs of Detroit. In fact, all the executives Lee talks about, up to a hundred perhaps in each of the big three, are worth millions of dollars each. And all of that money resides within miles of the poorest major metropolis of the United States... Detroit.

Time for a Crime Spree!

Second, the problems that were destroying America economically in the 80s are the same problems that we're dealing with today. Here we are again dealing with a ballooning deficit, living at the mercy of the countries that supply us oil and unfair importation laws that give outside countries the upper hand. Of course, some problems never went away, such as union workers demanding too much money, lack or pride or drive in US workers and

I'll be the first to admit that correlation of variables does not imply causality; just because a bunch of Republicans were running the country then and there's a bunch of republicans running the place now, i'm sure there's no reason to jump to conclusions. Of course, it like my boy Iacocca always said, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, chances are, it's a duck. But what do i know? I'm just simple boy from the midwest

also, Nature's Enemies: snakes and Crocks

I'm a knife

Knifin' Around!

cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, nnnnmmm-cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut,

Do you take, those, intelligence drugs?

I don't NEED intelligence drugs, okay, Tom? Because i don't know what they are. Okay Tom? But i will put anything in my mouth that is given to me, whether it's supposed to be there or not, okay tom?

whatch'all do'in?

Ya'll? Where'd you learn to talk like that?

Hatiesburg...