detroit xmas memoirs

Xmas has proved to be an infinite source of gossip-able goings on yet again.

Got me a torque wrench, box wrench set and tire iron, as well as some legos and a nerf sniper rifle. (watch your back nerf men who happen within 15-25 feet of my room)

Now to spend two weeks off work while laughing my way all the way to the bank.

In case you live in a box...

...and haven't seen this yet:



(watch out for dicks in that box)

This makes me laugh:

STATE SECRETS!!!
(why doesn't my celly work?)

should be studying

interesting take on life. (don't forget to hit "next" at the bottom of each page)

crazy bastard. Maybe someone here knows him.

look closely here and here from the latest shuttle mission. NASA is pro ipod.

Also, if you're this guy, you've probably got a lot of stories like this.

Gift Giving Ideas

There's an old saying that goes: You don't give a chef a cook book. (or then again, maybe i just made it up- hard to say exactly). Regardless, the theory is, if the gift recipient in question is a professional/hard core hobbiest at activity X, they likely have all the necessary required gear and are particularly picky when it comes to wares relating to said activity.

for example:
Nestorius: Don't bother buying him those aviator sun-glasses or spare propellers.
Chest: He'll choose his own implements of death based on a multi-point consideration of factors such as handiness, effectiveness, and self-urination-inducing-ness.
Munkey Stephens: Has plenty of antennas, military contracts and plush monkeys
Wildman: No need- He's married now and doesn't feel ways about things anyhow...

I think that's enough people for now and I've probably gotten myself into enough trouble anyhow. After making that list and reflecting on this group of misfits, I realized there's a glaring exception to this rule, which is professional drinkers would always appreciate more booze.

Consumers need to consume (it's an old saying, from way back, i suspect...)

Good luck with your missions.

Nerf Justice! (subtitle: i am your god now)

look here.

I asked for one of these months ago, when i first sauntered into a Toy's 'R Us one rare weekend with little do.

Trying to fill the hole in my soul, I bought each of my nieces and nephews one of these fuly auto, two clip, air powered death machines for Xmas. (...and there was a fire fight!)

Just picture three juveniles of justice stalking 'round the xmas tree the morning of the 25th. Their combined fire power will be equal to that of some smaller (less gun-friendly) nations. (assuming of course one nerf bullet were to equal one real bullet) The problem is i need something with which to defend myself; that's where the sniper rifle comes into play- It's time for their older, wiser uncle to teach them the worth of a single well placed nerf round. Of justice.

back to links

Also, Ann Coulter gets predictably served by a liberal media host.



I really want a Wii now, but refuse to wait or camp in any sort of line to get it.

Yesterday I informed my boss (in a much more civil manner than described here) that he can take my job and come the end of the working year, he can tuuuurn that sumbitch sideways, and he can shove it up his candy ass. (jabroni)



Today, he says to me: what if our company which we currently work for but you are contract while I am full time, were to offer you a full time position in our hybrid vehicle development program? Would you stay? (background: my boss has always known that my only reason for working where i work was the desperate hope that one day they'd convert me to a full time, i.e. non-contract employee and let me work on hybrid or electric cars. I've always made that known. But apparently when he told HIS boss about my departure, she was so gosh darned determined to keep me, she probably said "what does he want to stay?" And big boss man searched the depths of his cranial being and came to the conclusion that HEVs was for Mes. Bigger Boss Lady then decided she could make that happen and asked him to throw it back at me. Wow, that was a long "background") Anyway, I'm always shocked at the depths of planing and goings-on, like gears and mechanisms that are always churning just out of site. Anyway, it's all just idle talk right now, and as good an offer as it seems, it cant beat what i got lined up for the beginning of next year

Update

Doc says I'm suffering from allergies. The bad news, which no one came out and said but I inferred by reading between the lines of dialog is that you can't really treat allergies, just the symptoms. Incidently, what kind of young, attractive, female doctor wears knee-high black leather boots and a plaid skirt underneath her doctor's cloak, which ends somewhere well above her knees? At least well, you know, why waste it at the office...

On my way out I accepted a prescription but declined a super-dose shot to kick off the treatment, because I'm a big fat baby around needles. The doc then complained that i hadn't had a physical in something like a decade (apparently taking your shirt off and making the wind blow trough the tree-muscles doesn't pass as a physical anymore) and told me to come back. I'm going to consider it a second date.

It's not easy being green

Alas,

Here I am blogging at 9am. Turns out what was a small and uncoordinated invading force of head-cold insurgents, turned out to have a "flu-like" strike force of elite delta force solders when called in for back-up. The interesting twist (which there always is, otherwise why would you write about nothing?) is that i actually wanted to at work today so as to tender my resignation.

It's hard to feel guilty about things like "wasted energy and water" when the only place in the word you want to be is at the bottom of the tub while steaming, massaging water rains down from above, creating a steamy, jungle-esq, nasal-clearing utopia. That is until the water stops coming out warm. For some reason, it all very much reminded me of my 21st birthday.

But i digress.
Turns out if you weren't raised in south-eastern Michigan, you really have no reason to buy a Detroit car. I always knew this was basically true, but it was driven home again after talking to a friend who was looking for a new car. Turns out if your criteria for major life purchases include things like 1) resale value 2) safety 3) price and 4) fuel economy, then the big three have no place in your heart. In fact, said friend even had access to "employee discounts" (which, again, if you live here, you can get any of the major three at an "employee discount") and he still wasn't interested. In that case, who buys these cars? My theory is that the entire U.S. auto industry is supported for the most part by one major group: employees/family of the companies that make these cars

(i wish i could breath)

Munkey Stephens wuz here!

i can't feel feelings

I'm trying to type this as quickly as possible, as I've recently eaten some pills (allergy/sinus pills to be exact) and I can literally feel the detached head/slow-thought/drowsiness overtaking me. Damn my susceptibility to Benedryll.

But i digress. We saw the new Bond flick last night and i was impressed to see they managed to blend classic, Birtish, Bond-esq shenanigans with the old, leathery, tattered American background story of the hard-ass chief that won't let his (or her) men get the job done the way they seem fit. All that damn chief cares about is the mayor's breathing down his (or her) neck and the damn press always seems to have the perfect photo of police brutality. (God dammit Bond, get out of my office; you're off the case.) It might be late to announce this now, but I'm not going to worry about spoiling it for anyone, because i figure we see Bond movies for the shiny colors and not so much the plot twists.

Also i should mention, there's no nudity but there is at least one vague reference to mutual masturbation, not to mention a real torture scene- And I'm not just talking about some dude tying Bond up over a laser-powered toaster oven and watching while the bread ever so slowly darkens.

(I'm having a hard time typing... fingers... feel so sluggish.)

In all, I learned three things from this movie. 1) Always back your car into a parking spot because when the shit jumps off you don't want to have to be turning your ass around. 2) No matter how many push-ups and sit-ups they do, the British will always look goofy. And 3) Should you choose to patron a theater that sells beer, plan on leaving the flick at least twice to empty your bladder.

Speaking of beer, I've been spending my days at the Wayne State Library working on my 50 page term paper, and happen to run into one of my classmates. Since it was Saturday and i was in comfort mode, I was wearing an old tattered MTU shirt, which said classmate happen to comment on. The conversation went something like this:

a: So what was it like up there?
b: i like to think of it as a shared traumatic experience
a: it is true what the say about the girls?
b: you'd be surprised what you can accomplish without the distraction of women (cries a little inside)
a: so i guess if you're a real techy, you should be able to drink us all under the table, right? (motioning haphazardly to himself, his project-partner, the homeless guy next to them and about 8 foreign dudes)
b: let's rock this

As I looked out upon the corpses in the library that day, their hearts slowly beating their last beats as blood in their veins was displaced by alcohol, I realized something: People are going to look at me as half god, half alcoholic, half gay for the rest of my life, all based on my college of undergrad. And that's a lot of halfs.

Of course, on the other hand, you have different fingers. Neither of which can feel my face.

my sins

Grad school is the suxor. I'm sitting at the coffee shop absorbing free internets and working on whats quickly becoming a 10k word paper on the nature of absorbed hydrogen storage devices. Here's a little taste:

method of catalyst introduction has proven critical in hydrogen absorption and desorption rates. It is a universal practiced that all catalysts/hydride mixtures are combined under an atmosphere of argon to prevent poisoning from additives such as water to prevent oxidation of reactive materials. Initial catalytic doping performed by Bogdanovic, et al was carried out by recystallization of a solution suspended NaAlH₄ with soluble titanium compounds. This initial “wet doped” material, was hydrogen cycle-able at ~150 °C and much preferable to pure sodium aluminum hydride, seen in figure XXX below. However, by “dry doping” the alanate crystalline solid host by mechanically mixing a titanium catalyst proved to lower desorption activation temperature to ~120 °C [6]

I was so bore/desperate to avoid actual work, that I started reading my old blog entries from the 04's. I was pretty dissapointed to see that my work has devolved from this largely amusing and yet par for the day explosion of verbosity to what you've forced yourself to read for the last months; a hodgepodge of mediocre links and staccato ramblings, just barely on the happy side of "sentence fragment."

I shall do my best to amend this crime against the elite world of bloggers, never again forgetting the blogger's motto: When in doubt, show some celebrity cooter! (click for ginomous version)



(it should be noted that i am also acting as a responsible member of the internet community by hosting this picture my damn self after spending at LEAST 4 minutes searching it out, which we all know is life time in "teh internets" world. Damn bandwidth exceeders. Also, yay cooter.)

see title of blog

former struggler jon got me in to see this guy talk about his robot car.

What hath god wrought?

the inevitable

kramer.

so much to do

so little time.

Here's two stories that may
have slipped under your radar.

This is Bob. He was a decent man and
we're not gonna bury him in the fucking
garden

In the mean time, i have found a renewed
vigor for the cause. I feel surrounded by
opportunity. I feel like raising a few hundred
thousand to finance a (viable, non-hippie
ridden) off-grid community to pedal to well
to do greens that don't have the time or
energy to live in a mountain. (fucking home-
work is always getting in the way of life.)

"If we don't have a proactive energy policy, we'll just end up using coal, then shale, then tar sands, and it will be a continually diminishing return, and eventually our civilization will collapse. But it doesn't have to end that way. We have a choice."

part 2

Nobody would touch the "enjoy anal sex" pills, (which i happened to think was quite funny) so I'm going to try again:

More found here.

it would seem the older we get, the freer and more explicit the the sexual details become.



http://www.gapingvoid.com/

mtu =/ wsu

2) October 2006 Campus Crime Summary:

ROBBERY: Five incidents of robbery or attempted robbery were reported during October 2006. The first occurred on October 10th at 8:00pm when a female student reported she was walking out of Science Hall when an unknown subject came up behind her. The subject suddenly grabbed at the students backpack. While struggling for control over the backpack, the student grabbed her pepper spray and sprayed the subject in the face. The subject let go of the back pack and started screaming from the effects of the pepper spray. The student ran to Parking Structure #2 and called police. A search of the area failed to locate the subject. The student was not injured and no property was taken. The subject is described as a black male in his 20's, 5'8", medium build, short natural hair, no facial hair, wearing a black shirt with 'WSU' written across the front.

The second incident occurred on October 14th on Antony Wayne Drive at W. Kirby at 11:35pm when a 19 year old male student reported that he was
approached him on foot. The subject suddenly ripped the Complainants Cartier brand prescription glasses off his face and fled on foot. The Complainant was not injured. He described at the subject as a black male, 19 years of age, 5'6" 149 lbs, wearing a black skull cap, black jacket and dark pants.

The third incident occurred on October 15th at 1:10am when an 18 year old male student stated he was about the enter the South Residence Hall when the below subject approached him from one side. The unknown subject suddenly ripped the victims gold chain from his neck, breaking the chain. The subject attempted to run off with the chain and was chased by the Complainant. The running subject was spotted by responding WSUPD Officers who caught and arrested him. The gold chain, valued at $1,000, was recovered and Complainant, who was not injured, later refused to prosecute the perpetrator for the robbery.

The fourth incident occurred on October 16th at 1:05pm at Trumbull and the Edsel Ford Service Drive. In that case, a male WSU student stated he was driving his 2005 Dodge Durango and was involved in a 'fender bender' accident with a 1993 Saturn. When he pulled to the curb, two make subjects got out of the Saturn and up to the Durango. The student rolled his window down to talk with the two subjects when the started punching him through the open window. The second subject ran to the passenger side and dragged the student from his vehicle while taking the students wallet and cell phone. The first subject jumped into the student Durango and attempted to drive away.
Witnesses called WSUPD and responding Officers arrived while the incident was still in progress. Officers subsequently arrested the 15 and 18 year old male subjects and charged them with attempted carjacking. Two female companions were also arrested when the attempted to interfere with the arrest of the two male subjects. The male student was not seriously injured.

The fifth incident occurred on October 26th at 12:30pm when WSUPD Officers on patrol spotted what appeared to be an "in-progress" fight in front of 4855 Fourth, WSU Engineering Technology building. During their on-scene investigation, the Officers learned that the WSU staff member was confronted by an unknown subject whom he recognized him from previous thefts from inside the building. The victim, a WSU staff member, struggled with the subject who was trying to flee on a bicycle. During the struggle, the subject displayed a lock blade knife and threatened to cut the victim if he didn't let him escape. WSUPD Officers arrested the subject and found a lock back knife in his possession, along with a calculator the subject was just taken from the building. Because the subject used a knife in this incident, he was charged with Robbery Armed. WSUPD Investigators submitted a warrant package to the Wayne County Prosecutors Office and later obtained a two count felony warrant char!
ging Robbery Armed and Habitual Offender - 4th Offense. The subject, who remains in the Wayne County Jail, is identified as Julius Lane Wilson, age 48 of Churchill street, Detroit. He has no WSU affiliation.

A sixth near campus robbery occurred on October 31, 2006 at 8:00pm when a male student reported he was walking on the Lodge Service Drive, near Warren when approx. 10 black males, in their mid teens approached him. As they walked past the student, one of the subjects reached out and grabbed the students prescription glasses off his face. The group of ten teens then ran northbound on the freeway service drive. The student was not injured.

BURGLARY: Nine incidents of Burglary, Attempted Burglary, or Entry without Force were reported during October. The campus building involved were: DeRoy Apartments, A/AB Building, the Towers (2 incidents), Student Center Building (2 incidents), South Residence Hall (2 incidents) and the University Psychiatric Center at 2761 E. Jefferson.

LARCENY: A total of forty-three (43) incidents of larceny (theft of unattended property) were reported during October 2006...almost twice as many as reported during August and September. Items left unattended (and later discovered missing) by their owners include wallets, cell phones, purses, text books and even laptop computers.

VEHICLE THEFT: Two vehicles were reported stolen from WSU parking facilities during October. On October 21st, a 2001 Chrysler Town and County mini van was reported stolen from WSU Lot UT at 4510 Cass. On October 26th, a 2000 Dodge Caravan mini van was discovered missing from 555 E. Canfield across from Scott Hall/Medical school.

Near campus vehicle thefts, from area streets, sky rocketed during October 2006 with twenty vehicles reported to WSUPD during October. This is almost twice the number of incidents as reported in "normal" previous months. These incident include:

I will now blow up your mind with content

you better god damned watch this first movie

for your next party

(more examples after the jump)

Short Answer: I got the job

Long answer: you have to read on as I wax philosophic on the turns of life. I can't help but think back to a drunken and oddly crystal clear conversation with MTU "The corpsier the Better" Kelly. We were discussing seemingly deep and extremely college-esq topics like the future and careers and I clearly remember proclaiming that I would forever be okay because I seem to blindly stumble ass-backward into a good situation every few years. Let's recap:

Today I was offered a job at a young, exciting, forward-thinking company doing work that both interests me and betters the world. And just for sowing up they wanna pay the shit out of me. To get it, I didn't really do anything overly exerting other than show up.

Deep into 2003 I had graduated college and had a shit job. Or no job. I filled my days by knowing on every night of the week which local bar sold beers for a dollar. Then I met a hot blond with short shorts.

In 2000 I was looking for a way to score some ends at college and decided to answer an ad for a photographer at the school paper. Other than having sex with playmates for money, It turned out to be the best possible job to ever have while attending college. (Caveat: I couldn't find anyone to pose for my attempt at making an entry in the playboy college photographer competition)

Knowing only that High school was totally lame and i didn't want to "sell out" to the University of Michigan (sorry Stos) I decided I'd move to the U.P. for 4.5 years for no good reason at all. Best no-good-reason-at-all-decision, ever.

Back to toady: I should point out that Eye of the Tiger was on the radio when i got into the car to drive to the interview for this job. Here's to stumbling ass backward into life. The High life.

And now back to your regularly scheduled elitist commentary on the state of the world:

could be a big deal

god dammit.

Today is UAW observed Veteran's Day, which seems to oddly coincide with opening day of hunting season. (translation = day off)

In wholly unrelated news, I'm waiting to hear the results of a job interview which could i think leave me very fulfilled and simultaneously "well to do." Now is the time to reflect on questions which could have been answered better.

do some

the lie within

It seems i may have been living lie for the last 26 years. A few weeks back when I was chatting with a salesman about firearms, upon hearing I rifled left-handed but live my life as a righty, he suggested i take the left hand/right hand test. It goes like this: make a diamond with your hands outstretched arm's length. Imagine you were about to perform a diamond-cutter a la Diamond Dallas Page. (if there's anyone around I would highly recommend concluding this test with an actual diamond cutter as the people around you would find this highly unexpected) Now line something up in the distance in that diamond area, such as a clock on the wall or picture and center it between your hands using both eyes open, as you would naturally. Next close one eye, and then the other, and with only one eye will the item still be visible. Which ever eye you can see it with is the dominant side of your brain, typically indicating your left handedness or right handedness. As you can guess by now, i could only see it with my left eye. Taken alone, the test doesn't mean a whole lot, but then consider guns, baseball bats and hockey sticks all seem to work better for me in a left and configuration. I started thinking about this again today and did a little internet search. this page has an interesting test for lefts/rights of which i seem to be predominantly left-brained. If i had more free time i would certainly try to convert my writing hand.

nothing has changed

Veteran's day.


not all is as it seems.

Ganked!

(found here.)

Thank you Chestocrates

"For men to plunge headlong into an undertaking of vast change, they must be intensely discontented yet not destitute, and they must have the feeling that by the possession of some potent doctrine, infallible leader or some new technique they have access to a source of irresistible power. They must also have an extravagant conception of the prospects and potentialities of the future. Finally, they must be wholly ignorant of the difficulties involved in their vast undertaking. Experience is a handicap."

-The True Believer

(a lot of things are like that... already, just on the unhappy side of the middle twenties, there are tasks and undertakings that though I managed once, I should never try again because of the unforeseen difficulties involved.) (I also think it's safe to assume most of these "undertakings" in life involve cars, women or sculpting of social-political landscape)

heads up:

We've entered that 1/12th of the year when it's okay to listen to the full length version of November Rain AND pretend we're Slash playing a solo outside the wedding chapel. Likewise, during this one month of the year, it's not frowned upon to be just a little weepy when you think of either a) the state of Axel Roses's career or b) that bitch from middle-school who never return your highly suggestive, yet appropriately playful notes in english class.

That bitch.

{look's away}

damn dust in my eye...

The Witch, the Goblin and the Mystery Soup.

What follows is a poorly formated attempt to describe just a small micro-chasm of the many events that took place this weekend. The hilarity lies not only in the story, but in an attempt to tell it via a corporate messenger program (think AOL-ish) that is ripe with naughty-word seeking bots that are hot for certain words. The more i explain the less funny it gets... (all that is needed to know is chicken dinner has previously been equated to sex)

Co-Worker (How many rounds have you fired, and how often have you cleaned it?)

Me 75 rounds between three of us in one weekend up north

Me cleaned it once during the weekend and once again after

Co-Worker Isn't cleaning the firearm a good time?

Me eh.. kind of a lot of work with such a long barrell

Co-Worker Wait. Isn't that what she said?

Me ZING!

Me (i can't believe i didn't even see that coming... i think i'm slipping)

Me so if i were to mention fried chicken dinner, you'd know what i meant, right?

Co-Worker probably. Let me think about it.

Me (stay with me)

Me if i were to add "non-traditional methods of engagement" would you have an idea?

Co-Worker Yes.

Me think... rear

Co-Worker Yes. I got ya loud and clear.

Me right

Me corporate-safe ingo

Me lingo

Me so we're at the party and it's about 2ish.. going real strong

Me the garage is the designated "cool off, relax, chill, smoking" area

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is there with me and my old housemate and my old housemate’s g/f and i think h and my housemate, etc...

Me the a for mentioned topic arises in conversation

Me still with me?

Co-Worker yes

Co-Worker (I'm not that dim)

Me i know-

Me it's cryptic

Me more history-

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) disappeared earlier for about 2 hours with My housemate's g/f's roommate

Me "the witch" we'll call her because of costume

Co-Worker right.

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) and former housemate’s g/f are debating the earlier topic

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is against

Me strongly

Me we're sitting and he has to stand to make his point

Me not ever has, not ever will

Me engage

Me she's like, you know, getting real graphic and medical with her explanation of why it works just fine, whatever

Co-Worker (shame)

Me (the witch was in the garage also)

Me later that night

Me the witch

Me she's like, i couldn't understand why he would say that

Me since, you know, earlier, that's what went on

Co-Worker ha ha ha

Me he just, you know, didn't know

Co-Worker (how can you not?)

Me she's like "i figured he was into it so i just rolled with it"

Me (how can you not, indeed)

Co-Worker That's hilarious.

Me so of course, morning after, we're like, "so, My friend from a far (primary Character)..."

Me about your tirade on certain acts...

Me To My friend from a far (primary Character)'s credit he took the joking at his expense quite well, admitting in his life of living such an error had likely occurred once or twice... Though i'm not sure how i feel about that since, ya know... whatever...

Me (note your earlier comment)

Co-Worker I digress: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW

Co-Worker although digress is the wrong word to use.

Co-Worker The strategy for eating fried chicken is completely different. Different methods must be used to ensure that you create the least food waste or mess.

Me you're saying... when you sit down to dine... you know what to expect based on what's on the plate?

Me and prepare accordingly?

Me but should you expect ribs and discover soup, you'd immediately recognize your fork is not working out so well?

Me (what?)

Co-Worker Yes, exactly.

Me well, i hate to say it...

Co-Worker Because soup is eaten and enjoyed in a completely different manner than ribs.

Co-Worker you can't rush into eating soup because often it's too warm.

Me but i think the real examination of "character" should be laid upon the witch

Me EXACTLY

Me that was the turn of phrase

Me we needed

Me whilst ribs can be enjoyed almost immediately

Co-Worker Exactly.

Co-Worker I agree we're judging the witch.

Me exactly

Me i mean... what's going on there?

Me where it's just like... you know, soup and ribs are interchangeable?

Co-Worker does she have soup every day and ribs every evening for dinner?

Me no- because here's the thing

Co-Worker Most people I know that aren't accustomed to soup on a regular basis throw up a fuss when it's delivered.

Me lol

Co-Worker "waiter, I didn't want soup!"

Me everybody wants soup

Me they just might not know it

Co-Worker They just don't know it.

Co-Worker Right.

Me how do you convince someone they want soup?

Me force feed them? haven't we moved beyond that?

Me (i'm not even sure if i have to apologize for that joke because it was so vague)

Me anyway- here's the thing

Me this whole engagement was predetermined because the witch hadn't had any type of chicken for some time.

Me and was pretty much a shoe-in for this dinner

Co-Worker Yikes.

Co-Worker Did the witch reflect someone who had eaten her fair share of meals (dual meanings here)

Me no to the literal and not sure to the metaphorical

Co-Worker So there wasn't a logical reason she hadn't had a chicken dinner in 1.5 years.

Me yeah, i'm not sure about that... odd since she sat down to dine with My friend from a far (primary Character) with no advance plans

Me clearly reservations aren't required at her restaurant

Co-Worker I guess not.

Me perhaps the world will never know the mystery of the witch, the goblin and the soup

Co-Worker Indeed.

Co-Worker IN a last point not to poke fun at the goblin yet hard to be avoided: perhaps the reason he didn't know is that the serving utensil was underwhelming and not effective at eating the fried chicken?

Me hmmm... i hate to think that was the case

Me i think the goblin would have much lower self esteem if he were vastly under equipped to enjoy a fine meal

Me I'm not saying i have direct knowledge of what's in the picnic basket

Me but i've heard stories that would seem to indicate otherwise

Me I'll ask the witch

Me (through other people)

Co-Worker Right, often times the degradation of the quality of meal would require either a large piece of chicken or a small fork.

Me right

Me (knife)

Co-Worker Again, I place the onus of the blame on the witch.

Me wait!

Me perhaps there was second shooter?

Me in the bushes

Co-Worker yes.

Me i can't believe i didn't think of that

Me of course the witch should know how many people are at the table

Co-Worker Yes.

Me this conversation has made my monday much better

Co-Worker heh.

Co-Worker I'm not looking forward to my night.

Me no soup for you?

Co-Worker She's still laid out with fever and cough and sore throat.

Co-Worker Plus I have about 5 hours of homework to do.

Me boo

Co-Worker Agreed.

Me speaking of which, (witch?) i have to go to class

Co-Worker Enjoy. Watch out for the fried chicken. It's delicious.

Me all i hear in my head when i read that is the Dave Chappelle joke about fried chicken (literal)

Co-Worker Agreed.

Co-Worker "Turns out I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken"

Me I may blog this conversation

Me should certain parties agree to it

Me with names removed

Co-Worker Of course.

Me it might win me a prize of some type

Co-Worker perhaps a fried chicken dinner?

Me perhaps

Me i'll call the witch

Me solve the mytery of the soup

Me (old man Jenkins?)

Co-Worker yes

Me (he would have gotten away with it, too... if not for the meddling kids)

Co-Worker Thank you Wayne's World.

Me no, thank YOU, My friend from a far (primary Character)

Co-Worker indeed.

Me catch you tomorrow

Co-Worker likely.

damn that smelled good

mean gene

Gene.

campus watch

To All Wayne State University Students, Staff and Faculty,

In This Issue:

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats
2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats:

- Crimes Reported on the Wayne State University Campus -

September 2006 Jan-Sept. 2006 Jan-Sept. 2005

Homicide 0 0 0

Forcible Sex Offenses 3 7 2

Non-Forcible Sex Offenses 0 0 0

Robbery 0 5 7

Aggravated Assault 2 7 3

Burglary 9 71 87

Larceny 24 321 345

Vehicle Theft 3 21 22

Arson 0 1 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary:

FORCIBLE SEX OFFENSES: Three incidents of forcible fondlings were reported on September 12, 2006. All three incidents were perpetrated by the same non-WSU subjects who were arrested by WSUPD and subsequently charged by the Wayne County Prosecutors Office.
The first incident occurred at The Towers at approximately 12 midnight when the three subjects knocked on a residents door. The three female room occupants answered the door. The three male subjects walked in and asked, "Did anyone order some strippers?". The three female occupants thought the incident was a prank and replied, "No". At that point, one of the male subjects fondled two of the female residents. The subjects then left the room when two RA's approached due to the loud noises. None of the female students was injured.
While WSUPD Officers were investigating this incident, a second similar incident was reported at the South Residence Hall. In this second incident, a female resident reported she heard a knock at her door and when she opened it, three unknown males quickly entered without her permission. The subjects demanded the resident go downstairs to the front desk and sign them "in" as guests. The student refused and one of the subjects fondled her before leaving her room. The student was not injured.
Officers at the Towers scene were advised of this second incident at South Hall and responded. On their arrival at South Hall they spotted one of the subjects outside the building. A foot chase ensued and the subject was apprehended. Officers then began an area search, locating the second subject inside a nearby vehicle. The third subject was later found inside a gas station at Woodward and E. Palmer.
All three subjects were arrested and charged with Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct. The South Hall complainant refused to prosecute and no charges were brought against any of the subjects for the South Hall incident. Two Complainants from the first incident at the Towers did prosecute and subsequently identified their assailants. These subjects have been bound over for trial on Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct charges. Their cases are proceeding through the Wayne County Court system.
Two of the arrested subjects have no WSU affiliation. The third subject is a former WSU student with no current connection to WSU.
All WSU Housing residents are reminded to never open your door to anyone you do not know. Always look through the peep hole and ask who the person is. If you do not know the person, keep your door closed/locked and call the front desk and/or WSUPD at 577-2222

AGGRAVATED ASSAULT: On September 17, 2006, at approximately 1:00 am, a resident of South Hall reported that he and his girlfriend had just left South Hall when they were assaulted by four males sitting in front of the South Residence Hall. The victims state they were walking across Anthony Wayne Drive and had reached the grass median, when the female was hit in the back with a thrown rock. The male student immediately turned around to see who had thrown the rock when he was struck in the face and shoulder with four thrown rocks. At that point four male subjects, sitting on the 'knee wall' in front of the South Residence Hall scattered in different directions. An area search failed to locate these subjects. The male student and his girlfriend were not seriously injured.
A formal crime prevention recommendation has been made to remove the landscape rocks surrounding Ghafari and South Residence Halls.

BURGLARY: Eight (8) incidents of Burglary, Attempted Burglary or Entry Without Force were reported during September 2006. The locations involved were the Engineering building (2 incidents), Old Main (2 incidents), The Towers and South Hall (see Sex Offenses above), Ghafari Hall and the parking booth at WSU Lot 13.

LARCENY: Twenty-four incidents of larceny (the theft of unattended property) were reported during September 2006. The building with the highest rate of larceny, during September 2006, was the Adamany Undergraduate Library with 4 incidents.

VEHICLE THEFT: Three vehicles were reported stolen from WSU parking facilities during September. On September 5th, a 1995 Geo Prism was reported missing from the third level of Parking Structure #3. On September 10th, a 1997 Mercury Grand Marquis was found missing from WSU Lot 30 at the Football Field. On September 12th, a 2000 Chevrolet Monte Carlo was reported stolen from level three of Parking Structure # 2.

Near campus vehicle thefts reported to WSUPD, during September, include:

Sept. 3rd Third and Prentis 1985 Toyota 4 dr
Sept. 6th Anthony Wayne N/O Warren 1998 Plymouth Voyager Mini Van
Sept. 11th Warren at S/B Lodge SD 2000 Jeep
Sept. 12th Third S/O Prentis 1999 Chrysler Cirrus 4 dr
Sept. 13th Cass at Prentis 2002 Dodge Ram Pick Up
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 2002 Lincoln Town Car
Sept. 16th Palmer E/o Brush 1998 Jeep Cherokee 4 dr
Sept. 18th Warren E/O Trumbull 1995 Dodge Spirit 4 dr
Sept. 19th W. Forest at Second 1998 Chevrolet Malibu 4 dr
Sept. 21st Lot at 80 E. Hancock 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 23rd Canfield W/O Cass 2002 Dodge Stratus 4 dr
Sept. 25th Kirby W/O Woodward 2003 Chevrolet Cavalier 4 dr

grrrr

Who's your Tiger?

Also, i can't believe this is still active. Note the people who were interviewed. Someone wasn't trying very hard.

we're all beautiful inside

only some of us are getting laid on the outside

everyday i'm hustlin

I have finally managed to lasso enough free time to update the world on my exciting life, full of fast cars and faster women. See, the problem with grad school is its trickiness. You don’t realize how much times its thieving away, (thieving like a drunken tooth fairy) until you try to do the things you used to do- like take random weekend trips up north, following by another trip to your buddy Wildman’s wedding. Then, when you return from your second weekend away from home, it requires 72 hours of fevered rushing around before you get to enjoy a meal sitting down or indulge in more than 4 hours sleep.

The good news is, Wildman’s wedding (open house, technically) was a hella good time. As every gathering involving two or more Tech alum, this mini-carnival featured ungodly amounts of booze, exaggerated accounts of the trails walked since graduation, a fair amount of remembering the past, some ogling of (but little direct contact with) the ladies, inter-dimensional portals, mad dance moves and some food that was probably really good but really just there to hold down the booze.

The weekend began and ended for the Pelvic Queen and I with a 10 hour drive. Of course the dreadful road home is never as bright when you don’t have that “I took the day off work and slept in and now I’m gonna drive a great distance for a good time” feeling you get when you’re first packing up the car.

It seems futile to account the events in detail, since if you were there, you were there; If you weren’t but you’re reading this, you’ve partied with us before and know what to expect; If you fall into a mysterious third category, you’re invited to our Halloween party- it’ll be kicking. The only part that should be noted is the whole, you know, Detroit Tigers sweeping the Oakland A’s to take the MLB pennant (and even make the play-offs) for the first time since 1984. Of course I had a ticket to game 4 which I had to turn down for the out of state events. And of course my friends made a point to call, text and scream loudly as often as they could to remind me of one simple thing: They were enjoying the city wide celebration nearly as much as they were enjoying rubbing it in that I wasn’t there. I’m sure Magglio’s walk off home run at the bottom of the ninth with the score tied and two outs won’t go down as the greatest moment in Detroit sports history. And the story about my roommates walking down Woodward with a giant Tiger’s flag, though based on actual events, was not all it was cracked up to be. I'm sure of it.

Zero to Ten round up:

Typing of The Dead: 9

Typing this account: 3

Al’s Sister: 8 (9 if she were single)

Chestocrate’s sister: Almost legal

My date: 10 (awww…)

Dan and Al: 10

Winona: 7 in actuality (10 in my memories of college)

Chicago Expressways: 2

Dirty dancing in front of someone else’s family: 7

Tiger’s clinching World Series: 10

$700-$2,500/ticket: 0

we're all fucked

Russia
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175630/site/newsweek/


Iraq:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15176583/site/newsweek/


That other country over there:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14729436/


Korea:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175633/site/newsweek/


Africa:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8489368


domestic:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15012088/


The only logical answer is to buy a shotty and stock up on 3 inchers

that's a hell of a nod

i've been polluting the net for near'y 10 years now. (mtu in 98 meant mp3s, 200k speeds and icq were the norm, while having a CD burner could be a source of income)

this has to be one of the top ten things i've ever seen, especially considering the other items from the list were likely lost in a drinking binge.

this is it.

(note: like all great things, this link contains nudity)

more science!

this is pretty creepy

Who knew they were already weeding people out with these genetic tests at birth? (should i even bother screaming gatica?) And how much longer will the american people stand by, before they demand the scientist cut me down in my prime, to extract the highly sought after "schlongus maximus" gene?

explained

marmaduke is dying.

very funny

mountain of a man

a little over the top, but good points all the same. Theslate.com has another, slightly more balanced opinion.

btw, clinton's hand's are bigger than walace's head. i would watch out if i were he.

Good use of descriptives

"The devil came here yesterday. He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world. In this very spot it smells like sulfur still."

—Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, speaking at the United Nations General Assembly, alluding to President George W. Bush’s appearance before the body the day before.

banksy

e'rybody knows that i do for my hood

My first activity of today brought me to a middle-school age city-league football game that my nephew was playing in (lost 8 - 18) As i walked, alone with my thoughts, to my car, i realized something was odd in the parking lot. There in that completely full high-school lot was not a single foreign-made automobile, as best i could see. The school was in Taylor, perhaps the most blue-collar city of a blue-collar metropolis. I also noticed that the back of the lot was filled with the work trucks, while the full-size sedans dominated the front of the lot; this I concluded was a result of the fathers- Their pick-ups, vans and a hodgepodge of trucks with ladders, tools and various company emblems on their doors and fenders- parking in the rear, arriving after the mother's and children had come to set up and prepare for the game. Exactly as my brother and his family had.

g-g-g- g unit

This week Ford announced they would cut 1/3 of their white-collar work force, offering buy-outs to some and chopping what's needed after that. What you won't hear in the media is about the average white-collar employee age at ford is several years younger than GM, which is why this round of cuts will be particularly painful compared to GM's. 14,000 professionals will be moving on with lives. Meanwhile, back at the struggle, every street-block (of ~15 houses) has at least 2 or 3 homes for sale. Multiply that by what's easily a hundred blocks in my neighborhood and you can start to understand what's happening here. See, while the white-collars predominately occupy the northern suburbs, here in the south-side, we're surrounded by the factory workers. Every one of the 75,000 union employees, many of whom who've been working erratic schedules, such as one week mandatory vacation per month, will be offered a retirement package, in an attempt to align the number of workers with what's needed to run a company with several fewer manufacturing plants.

Every day i'm hustling

There is a saying that says, "As Detroit goes, so goes the country." The feeling here... is off. Something is very off.

safety is an illusion

It is no measure of health to be sane in an insane society.

-- Krishnamurti

that's what she said

Sounds like the latest struggle party was crazier than all previously noted events. (i may have been in bed, passed out from a combination of some hopps-based liquid and the exhaustion of physical acts not mentioned in your god's book, to witness the alleged "breast suckling" that went on between the women of the party. whatever, i guess.) Here's the moral: bring cheap plasatic beads with you everywhere you go in life. And your dick.

"Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind."
--Sorates

Crikey!

the devil is in the details.

reminds me of an old issue of Christ Puncher

Also, Steve is dead.

On The Edge; that's where it all happens

So concludes both the summer and the week of free stuff: a party at the House of the Struggle. (tonight, food starts at 7)

This week some guy picked me off the annals of the internet and offered up a free fiat transmission and engine for a 79 spider (wait a minute- i have a 79 fiat spider) all I had to do was drive out and lug it home. Fast forward two days and my former ass-smacking roommate (still smacking asses, no longer a roommate) is leaving for NY and offers me his car for free. Same deal as before- pick it up and it's mine. Stos and I spent the evening in front of old Tigers Stadium on Michigan Ave in Detroit, trying to bring a Black '87 lincoln Continental to life. Picture the old college caddy, in black, with more graffiti. Later, we would run into the owner of the house that was "storing" the car in it's street. He would report, "my neighbor warned me that two white guys and a crack head were pushing the lincoln down the street."

Did i mention we paid a bum fifty cents to help us push it to the corner gas station? Because we did. After a drive back to the struggle, here's the tally: Brakes are shit, some lights are busted from a hit n' run and there's a huge exhaust leak from the emissions system. Also, it leaks power steering fluid. All the power steering fluid. And smells like it's on fire. But it's still got huge potential as a cruise. I'll be sure to post pictures of us in front of the stadium jumping the car.

Lastly, we can't forget the craziness that was last weekend. Remind me to tell you the story of the fabricated i-pod cable and how it earned us a free show. Best told in person, it's a moral about how engineer's skills can be handy in these alcohol fueled social situations.

Now we get to tonight. There's a chill in the air and the sun is hiding out, so our baby oil wrestling mat may not come into use. However, the slip-n-slide can still be set up down the main hall leading to my room. That’s where it all happens. On the edge.