Imagine a world where businessmen- No, car makers; CEOs, are over-the-top cartoonish figures. Characters issuing outlandish, turn-of-the-(20th)-century-esq challenges: "Come one, come all! Who can defeat me and my machine in the five-sided-fistagon?
This IS the world we live in!
I think it means that the European high-performance sedans are excellent, even superb cars, but quite possibly not ready for racing laps right out of the show-room. The CTS-V is not only quicker, but will, in totally untweaked, stock form, run hot laps at any race track until it runs out of fuel. Transmission oil and diff oil temps are stable, engine oil temp doesn't go up, brakes get a bit more pedal travel, but don't fade. The street tires get a tad greasy, but handling and control remain excellent. "May the best car win"! (It wins automatically if the competitors won't show up!)
And they didn't show up. (See the fall out here)
Here's a guy that would seem to have a pretty good understanding of 1) what it takes to fight a war and 2) what it is exactly the states have found themselves in the middle of. What did he do with all that vast and first hand knowledge? HE RAN THE FUCK AWAY because he didn't see any other options. (I know, i know, its left-biased news but the accounts of WTF is going on are pretty eye opening)
Also, in case you missed it, someone drove 15 tons of explosives up to a government building in Iraq this week. 15 tons! Try to wrap you brain around where and how a guy in a dessert with supposedly only a skeleton network of support pulls this shit off?
Finally, mark my words and write down the date because i WILL be these people some day.
Maybe tomorrow?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
just some silly
this reminds me of my old roommate Rob. I miss that guy.
I've been thinking a lot about cars. Even more so than usual. Also, considering I haven't reduced the amount I've been thinking about women, it must mean that my brain is working more than usual.
I almost had an opportunity to buy the Fiat back this week. By some freak stroke of non-luck, i found it posted on Craigslist, but about a week too late. I probably would have pulled the trigger on it and later dealt with the ramification of personal and financial matter.
What would i do with my perfectly set-up Fiat? Something awesome... If i had more moeny, something like this. Or maybe not. I could try this trick, but diesel really deserves a bigger home than a fiat. Maybe a nice Caddy diesel? We all know the fiat really deserves a turbo solstice engine... And i even know someone looking to unload one!
Also, let me drop you some knowledge: If you're going to build an electric car, be smart about it. This guy did it all wrong, even with the stupid money that was thrown at the project. really? An alternator?
And now, for the naked Miata porn:
see it here and some more of it over here!
(more here if you're into this kind of thing.)
(it's cars.)
I've been thinking a lot about cars. Even more so than usual. Also, considering I haven't reduced the amount I've been thinking about women, it must mean that my brain is working more than usual.
I almost had an opportunity to buy the Fiat back this week. By some freak stroke of non-luck, i found it posted on Craigslist, but about a week too late. I probably would have pulled the trigger on it and later dealt with the ramification of personal and financial matter.
What would i do with my perfectly set-up Fiat? Something awesome... If i had more moeny, something like this. Or maybe not. I could try this trick, but diesel really deserves a bigger home than a fiat. Maybe a nice Caddy diesel? We all know the fiat really deserves a turbo solstice engine... And i even know someone looking to unload one!
Also, let me drop you some knowledge: If you're going to build an electric car, be smart about it. This guy did it all wrong, even with the stupid money that was thrown at the project. really? An alternator?
And now, for the naked Miata porn:
see it here and some more of it over here!
(more here if you're into this kind of thing.)
(it's cars.)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
im still feeling car-tastic
From Jalopnik:
I believe in Horsepower, the Father almighty,
creator of fun and excitement.
I believe in Rear Wheel Drive, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Manual Transmission
and born of the Frenchman Panhard.
He suffered under Jean-Louis Périn,
invented, died, and was buried;
thankfully before the CVT.
The third day he was still dead
but his transmission lives on in Heaven
and is seated at the right hand of Horsepower the Father almighty.
From there he will come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Manual Transmission,
the holy WRC races,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of speeding tickets,
the resurrection of the classics,
and the hoon everlasting. Amen.
Finally... You want the action? Here's the god damned action right here. It makes my man pieces tingle just thinking about another go at it. Like Joey talking to an underage girl, "i'll see YOU in 2010."
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
check one off:
I have finally achieved another life-long (last 5 years) dream of appearing on the Jalopnik website.
Here i am
Now i can focus all my energy on landing that threesome with a pornstar and a US Senator. (Non-devil's variety, and i'd settle for a Canadian cabinet member in a pinch)
Here i am
Now i can focus all my energy on landing that threesome with a pornstar and a US Senator. (Non-devil's variety, and i'd settle for a Canadian cabinet member in a pinch)
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
this is gonna be a long one
First, a retelling of the great race week. There was simply too much data to both communicate and comment on it, so I'll use the simplest, chronological method
Friday Sep 25: completely remove myself from the insanity of daily life, pack, drive to MI, work on car, arriving at Drunk Mike's house sometime near sunset. Though I've spent many days with the car, this is my first time meeting the Race Car, as it now has a full fledged racing roll cage. Spend the rest of the evening building a game plan. Agenda: turn a Celica with a roll cage into a proper race car, and power it all with beer.
Sat Sep 26: Work on car, but fist, shopping. Have tires mounted, buy parts, pick up tires, buy more parts and then the car. 10 hours worth of the car. All culminating with trying to install a set of tires on newly mounted wheels that do not fit the car. And then I drive home to Ohio.
Sun Sep 27: something happened here.. I can’t remember what but I was too busy to study, which is what i really needed to be doing.
Mon Sep 28: Work ½ day, Class ½ day, lab and chores. (that's right mutherfuckers, i have chores. Fuck you.
Tue Sep 29: Work all day and finally get some futile Study time. Listen to "Sweating Bullets" for old time sake.
Wed Sep 30: Take the exam and walk away convinced i have achieved total failure. Not in a dramatic "oh gosh, i did so Terrible," way, but in a literal "i didn't know what to do with those problems" way. This is sickening, considering how much I'm paying for grad school (perfectly good race-car money), but these thoughts are replaced by images of race-car glory.
Thur Oct 1: Pack an SUV to the roof, Drive, Arrive, meet Drunk Mike and the Physicist's Dad who has already set up camp. Mike presents us with our team t-shirts.
Fri Oct 2: RAIN! Terrible, terrible rain. And we're camping in the grass. Everything is wet. Buy canopies, paint the car, install padding, go through tech inspect and BS inspect, install some more lights and take some shake-down laps at night in the rain, which is a good way to make yourself comfortable with wheel to wheel racing in a real quick manner. In my spare time (20ish minutes) tape hood, draw chicken, cut It out, paint chicken, remove rest of tape.
Sat Oct 3: wake up to cold wetness and warm gruel. More painting, dash lights, trip to the parts store for misc and just before the race... DISASTER (#1) main disconnect switch feels like there’s gravel inside it. Cut it apart and find its internals in pieces. Drive to get a new piece, come back and install it just in time to make it to the green flag... Unfortunately at that point someone (who was obviously not there during tech) realizes our harness is installed wrong-ish. DISASTER (#2) Some people at this point curl up in the fetal position and wait sobbing for death. Realizing that righting this will require fabricating new harness brackets, that’s what I did. With a DeWalt grinder named Christina, my favorite 18V cordless drill and some scrap heavy-guage steal I just happen to pack with me, i decide to win one for the Gip'er. For a few moments it looked like the game was over before it had even began but we were running with the pack between 1 and 2 hours after the official 12-noon start. The car was tight and brakes were way oversized for the job. The cornering was impressive for all-season tires and it turns out tire-wear was absolute minimum. Stos and Johnny moto show up and high fives are exchanged, mostly to appease the mustache. Around 6pm, DISASTER (#3) Mike comes in and we notice the brake reservoir is empty. Turns out the brakes lines under body are rusted and decided to brake. We go to store, we patch, we brake another line, we patch again. 3 hours lost but return to the track by 9, never to break again.
Sun Oct 4:I am elected to pilot the car for the final laps and 4 aps into the final stint, I go off the track but keep it under control after losing it at 60. this is an immediate black flag typically punished by 30 minutes in the corner but I talk my way out of it, but i think the mustache did most of the talking. Celebratory beers are handed out and one set of brand new all season tires were only ~50% used up.
Mon Oct 5: Exam Back, 100%. Turns out I am good at everything.
A lot of people have been asking me "Hey Mr. Reynolds, what's it like to be in a 24 Hours of Lemons race?" I say "well young lady, it's a lot like this:"
Best tattoo ever? Yes
Finally, proof that cars trump women:
(I know, it's not true... silly Frenchmen)
************************************************
Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you - I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!
I hope this counts as a valid update. Stay tuned for pictures from the event, but be warned, other than some facial hair there's nothing too spectacular.
Friday Sep 25: completely remove myself from the insanity of daily life, pack, drive to MI, work on car, arriving at Drunk Mike's house sometime near sunset. Though I've spent many days with the car, this is my first time meeting the Race Car, as it now has a full fledged racing roll cage. Spend the rest of the evening building a game plan. Agenda: turn a Celica with a roll cage into a proper race car, and power it all with beer.
Sat Sep 26: Work on car, but fist, shopping. Have tires mounted, buy parts, pick up tires, buy more parts and then the car. 10 hours worth of the car. All culminating with trying to install a set of tires on newly mounted wheels that do not fit the car. And then I drive home to Ohio.
Sun Sep 27: something happened here.. I can’t remember what but I was too busy to study, which is what i really needed to be doing.
Mon Sep 28: Work ½ day, Class ½ day, lab and chores. (that's right mutherfuckers, i have chores. Fuck you.
Tue Sep 29: Work all day and finally get some futile Study time. Listen to "Sweating Bullets" for old time sake.
Wed Sep 30: Take the exam and walk away convinced i have achieved total failure. Not in a dramatic "oh gosh, i did so Terrible," way, but in a literal "i didn't know what to do with those problems" way. This is sickening, considering how much I'm paying for grad school (perfectly good race-car money), but these thoughts are replaced by images of race-car glory.
Thur Oct 1: Pack an SUV to the roof, Drive, Arrive, meet Drunk Mike and the Physicist's Dad who has already set up camp. Mike presents us with our team t-shirts.
Fri Oct 2: RAIN! Terrible, terrible rain. And we're camping in the grass. Everything is wet. Buy canopies, paint the car, install padding, go through tech inspect and BS inspect, install some more lights and take some shake-down laps at night in the rain, which is a good way to make yourself comfortable with wheel to wheel racing in a real quick manner. In my spare time (20ish minutes) tape hood, draw chicken, cut It out, paint chicken, remove rest of tape.
Sat Oct 3: wake up to cold wetness and warm gruel. More painting, dash lights, trip to the parts store for misc and just before the race... DISASTER (#1) main disconnect switch feels like there’s gravel inside it. Cut it apart and find its internals in pieces. Drive to get a new piece, come back and install it just in time to make it to the green flag... Unfortunately at that point someone (who was obviously not there during tech) realizes our harness is installed wrong-ish. DISASTER (#2) Some people at this point curl up in the fetal position and wait sobbing for death. Realizing that righting this will require fabricating new harness brackets, that’s what I did. With a DeWalt grinder named Christina, my favorite 18V cordless drill and some scrap heavy-guage steal I just happen to pack with me, i decide to win one for the Gip'er. For a few moments it looked like the game was over before it had even began but we were running with the pack between 1 and 2 hours after the official 12-noon start. The car was tight and brakes were way oversized for the job. The cornering was impressive for all-season tires and it turns out tire-wear was absolute minimum. Stos and Johnny moto show up and high fives are exchanged, mostly to appease the mustache. Around 6pm, DISASTER (#3) Mike comes in and we notice the brake reservoir is empty. Turns out the brakes lines under body are rusted and decided to brake. We go to store, we patch, we brake another line, we patch again. 3 hours lost but return to the track by 9, never to break again.
Sun Oct 4:I am elected to pilot the car for the final laps and 4 aps into the final stint, I go off the track but keep it under control after losing it at 60. this is an immediate black flag typically punished by 30 minutes in the corner but I talk my way out of it, but i think the mustache did most of the talking. Celebratory beers are handed out and one set of brand new all season tires were only ~50% used up.
Mon Oct 5: Exam Back, 100%. Turns out I am good at everything.
A lot of people have been asking me "Hey Mr. Reynolds, what's it like to be in a 24 Hours of Lemons race?" I say "well young lady, it's a lot like this:"
ALMS: Patron Highcroft Petit Le Mans Rebuild from GrandTouringPrototype.com on Vimeo.
Best tattoo ever? Yes
Finally, proof that cars trump women:
(I know, it's not true... silly Frenchmen)
Sid: You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it's a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It's about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man's struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man. You've got Maverick, all right? He's on the edge, man. He's right on the fucking line, all right? And you've got Iceman, and all his crew. They're gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they're saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she's heterosexuality. She's saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They're saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what's going on throughout that whole movie... He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they're going to have sex, you know, they're just kind of sitting back, he's takin' a shower and everything. They don't have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She's like, "What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?" Next scene, next scene you see her, she's in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She's got the cap on, she's got the aviator glasses, she's wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy's going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I'll do that through subterfuge, I'm gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you - I'm gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she's like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right? All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they're beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it's over, and they fucking land, and Iceman's been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he's got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They're all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" And what does Maverick say? "You can ride mine!" Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin' A, man!
I hope this counts as a valid update. Stay tuned for pictures from the event, but be warned, other than some facial hair there's nothing too spectacular.
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