detroit xmas memoirs

Xmas has proved to be an infinite source of gossip-able goings on yet again.

Got me a torque wrench, box wrench set and tire iron, as well as some legos and a nerf sniper rifle. (watch your back nerf men who happen within 15-25 feet of my room)

Now to spend two weeks off work while laughing my way all the way to the bank.

In case you live in a box...

...and haven't seen this yet:



(watch out for dicks in that box)

This makes me laugh:

STATE SECRETS!!!
(why doesn't my celly work?)

should be studying

interesting take on life. (don't forget to hit "next" at the bottom of each page)

crazy bastard. Maybe someone here knows him.

look closely here and here from the latest shuttle mission. NASA is pro ipod.

Also, if you're this guy, you've probably got a lot of stories like this.

Gift Giving Ideas

There's an old saying that goes: You don't give a chef a cook book. (or then again, maybe i just made it up- hard to say exactly). Regardless, the theory is, if the gift recipient in question is a professional/hard core hobbiest at activity X, they likely have all the necessary required gear and are particularly picky when it comes to wares relating to said activity.

for example:
Nestorius: Don't bother buying him those aviator sun-glasses or spare propellers.
Chest: He'll choose his own implements of death based on a multi-point consideration of factors such as handiness, effectiveness, and self-urination-inducing-ness.
Munkey Stephens: Has plenty of antennas, military contracts and plush monkeys
Wildman: No need- He's married now and doesn't feel ways about things anyhow...

I think that's enough people for now and I've probably gotten myself into enough trouble anyhow. After making that list and reflecting on this group of misfits, I realized there's a glaring exception to this rule, which is professional drinkers would always appreciate more booze.

Consumers need to consume (it's an old saying, from way back, i suspect...)

Good luck with your missions.

Nerf Justice! (subtitle: i am your god now)

look here.

I asked for one of these months ago, when i first sauntered into a Toy's 'R Us one rare weekend with little do.

Trying to fill the hole in my soul, I bought each of my nieces and nephews one of these fuly auto, two clip, air powered death machines for Xmas. (...and there was a fire fight!)

Just picture three juveniles of justice stalking 'round the xmas tree the morning of the 25th. Their combined fire power will be equal to that of some smaller (less gun-friendly) nations. (assuming of course one nerf bullet were to equal one real bullet) The problem is i need something with which to defend myself; that's where the sniper rifle comes into play- It's time for their older, wiser uncle to teach them the worth of a single well placed nerf round. Of justice.

back to links

Also, Ann Coulter gets predictably served by a liberal media host.



I really want a Wii now, but refuse to wait or camp in any sort of line to get it.

Yesterday I informed my boss (in a much more civil manner than described here) that he can take my job and come the end of the working year, he can tuuuurn that sumbitch sideways, and he can shove it up his candy ass. (jabroni)



Today, he says to me: what if our company which we currently work for but you are contract while I am full time, were to offer you a full time position in our hybrid vehicle development program? Would you stay? (background: my boss has always known that my only reason for working where i work was the desperate hope that one day they'd convert me to a full time, i.e. non-contract employee and let me work on hybrid or electric cars. I've always made that known. But apparently when he told HIS boss about my departure, she was so gosh darned determined to keep me, she probably said "what does he want to stay?" And big boss man searched the depths of his cranial being and came to the conclusion that HEVs was for Mes. Bigger Boss Lady then decided she could make that happen and asked him to throw it back at me. Wow, that was a long "background") Anyway, I'm always shocked at the depths of planing and goings-on, like gears and mechanisms that are always churning just out of site. Anyway, it's all just idle talk right now, and as good an offer as it seems, it cant beat what i got lined up for the beginning of next year

Update

Doc says I'm suffering from allergies. The bad news, which no one came out and said but I inferred by reading between the lines of dialog is that you can't really treat allergies, just the symptoms. Incidently, what kind of young, attractive, female doctor wears knee-high black leather boots and a plaid skirt underneath her doctor's cloak, which ends somewhere well above her knees? At least well, you know, why waste it at the office...

On my way out I accepted a prescription but declined a super-dose shot to kick off the treatment, because I'm a big fat baby around needles. The doc then complained that i hadn't had a physical in something like a decade (apparently taking your shirt off and making the wind blow trough the tree-muscles doesn't pass as a physical anymore) and told me to come back. I'm going to consider it a second date.

It's not easy being green

Alas,

Here I am blogging at 9am. Turns out what was a small and uncoordinated invading force of head-cold insurgents, turned out to have a "flu-like" strike force of elite delta force solders when called in for back-up. The interesting twist (which there always is, otherwise why would you write about nothing?) is that i actually wanted to at work today so as to tender my resignation.

It's hard to feel guilty about things like "wasted energy and water" when the only place in the word you want to be is at the bottom of the tub while steaming, massaging water rains down from above, creating a steamy, jungle-esq, nasal-clearing utopia. That is until the water stops coming out warm. For some reason, it all very much reminded me of my 21st birthday.

But i digress.
Turns out if you weren't raised in south-eastern Michigan, you really have no reason to buy a Detroit car. I always knew this was basically true, but it was driven home again after talking to a friend who was looking for a new car. Turns out if your criteria for major life purchases include things like 1) resale value 2) safety 3) price and 4) fuel economy, then the big three have no place in your heart. In fact, said friend even had access to "employee discounts" (which, again, if you live here, you can get any of the major three at an "employee discount") and he still wasn't interested. In that case, who buys these cars? My theory is that the entire U.S. auto industry is supported for the most part by one major group: employees/family of the companies that make these cars

(i wish i could breath)

Munkey Stephens wuz here!

i can't feel feelings

I'm trying to type this as quickly as possible, as I've recently eaten some pills (allergy/sinus pills to be exact) and I can literally feel the detached head/slow-thought/drowsiness overtaking me. Damn my susceptibility to Benedryll.

But i digress. We saw the new Bond flick last night and i was impressed to see they managed to blend classic, Birtish, Bond-esq shenanigans with the old, leathery, tattered American background story of the hard-ass chief that won't let his (or her) men get the job done the way they seem fit. All that damn chief cares about is the mayor's breathing down his (or her) neck and the damn press always seems to have the perfect photo of police brutality. (God dammit Bond, get out of my office; you're off the case.) It might be late to announce this now, but I'm not going to worry about spoiling it for anyone, because i figure we see Bond movies for the shiny colors and not so much the plot twists.

Also i should mention, there's no nudity but there is at least one vague reference to mutual masturbation, not to mention a real torture scene- And I'm not just talking about some dude tying Bond up over a laser-powered toaster oven and watching while the bread ever so slowly darkens.

(I'm having a hard time typing... fingers... feel so sluggish.)

In all, I learned three things from this movie. 1) Always back your car into a parking spot because when the shit jumps off you don't want to have to be turning your ass around. 2) No matter how many push-ups and sit-ups they do, the British will always look goofy. And 3) Should you choose to patron a theater that sells beer, plan on leaving the flick at least twice to empty your bladder.

Speaking of beer, I've been spending my days at the Wayne State Library working on my 50 page term paper, and happen to run into one of my classmates. Since it was Saturday and i was in comfort mode, I was wearing an old tattered MTU shirt, which said classmate happen to comment on. The conversation went something like this:

a: So what was it like up there?
b: i like to think of it as a shared traumatic experience
a: it is true what the say about the girls?
b: you'd be surprised what you can accomplish without the distraction of women (cries a little inside)
a: so i guess if you're a real techy, you should be able to drink us all under the table, right? (motioning haphazardly to himself, his project-partner, the homeless guy next to them and about 8 foreign dudes)
b: let's rock this

As I looked out upon the corpses in the library that day, their hearts slowly beating their last beats as blood in their veins was displaced by alcohol, I realized something: People are going to look at me as half god, half alcoholic, half gay for the rest of my life, all based on my college of undergrad. And that's a lot of halfs.

Of course, on the other hand, you have different fingers. Neither of which can feel my face.

my sins

Grad school is the suxor. I'm sitting at the coffee shop absorbing free internets and working on whats quickly becoming a 10k word paper on the nature of absorbed hydrogen storage devices. Here's a little taste:

method of catalyst introduction has proven critical in hydrogen absorption and desorption rates. It is a universal practiced that all catalysts/hydride mixtures are combined under an atmosphere of argon to prevent poisoning from additives such as water to prevent oxidation of reactive materials. Initial catalytic doping performed by Bogdanovic, et al was carried out by recystallization of a solution suspended NaAlH₄ with soluble titanium compounds. This initial “wet doped” material, was hydrogen cycle-able at ~150 °C and much preferable to pure sodium aluminum hydride, seen in figure XXX below. However, by “dry doping” the alanate crystalline solid host by mechanically mixing a titanium catalyst proved to lower desorption activation temperature to ~120 °C [6]

I was so bore/desperate to avoid actual work, that I started reading my old blog entries from the 04's. I was pretty dissapointed to see that my work has devolved from this largely amusing and yet par for the day explosion of verbosity to what you've forced yourself to read for the last months; a hodgepodge of mediocre links and staccato ramblings, just barely on the happy side of "sentence fragment."

I shall do my best to amend this crime against the elite world of bloggers, never again forgetting the blogger's motto: When in doubt, show some celebrity cooter! (click for ginomous version)



(it should be noted that i am also acting as a responsible member of the internet community by hosting this picture my damn self after spending at LEAST 4 minutes searching it out, which we all know is life time in "teh internets" world. Damn bandwidth exceeders. Also, yay cooter.)