links!

ever want proof that a six-shooter is a poor choice for zombie protection?

play this game .

guess that's it for the "links" promised in the title. screw it, i'm tired.

nerds

if you have any experience with "online gaming" you'll appreciate the hell out of this slightly large video of a some live gaming action.

LEEROY!

i don't know a damned thing about world of warcraft, but i know funny.

if i hit the switch i can make the ass drop

I have another interview with one of the big three this week for an engineering position. I don't know how i came to be so obsessed with cars and the auto industry, but i'm pretty sure i will not be happy until i've weaseled my way into a position that allows me to completely surround myself with cars, specifically their design. I think it might have a direct correlation with the habit of always looking for used cars of interest when i'm out; who else would just *happen* to know that there's a '97 bmw 850r with 11,000 miles for sale, askin $4700 O.B.O. (blue book retail 6500, i could work him down to $4300) just down the road from a cherry 1989 Cadillac Brougham with a mere 101,000 miles for $3400. That car ain't even broken in.

Here's a few stories that make my point... my senior year of college a bunch of companies were in town for the career fair recruiting and they had their respective products on display on campus. Caterpillar for example had heavy equipment to show and GM, among other cars had their newly released Hummer H2 on proud display. On my way to class i was distracted by this beast and had to stop to catch a gander. As I'm squatting down behind this thing, inspecting the underbody, some fellow comes up and starts small talk about the new truck. "Pretty impressive," he begins, opening the door to my ranting. "I don't know, i'm not too impressed with the ground clearance. That rear axle looks like it was ripped off a suburban." He pauses to take this in for a moment, while i continue "those foot steps would hang up pretty easy, i figure..." Well. as it turns out, he was the guy who designed that axle... surprisingly, i didn't get a job with GM that year. Or ever after.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. the most exiting event of the week was when i was passed by an EV-1 going east bound on I-696. two things kept me up for three nights after this event. First of all, the EV-1 was an electric vehicle leased only by GM to an exclusive group of customers in predominately warm, southern states. This little electric bitch, toted by the majority of the press "too little too early" passed me going about 80. The second thing is, these little guys made big news a few months ago when they were all crushed while celebrity protesters stood by. Well, there's a least one left and it's terrorizing work vans in detroit.

nerd out,
Curt

the funny

a guy walks into his bed room one night while his wife is lying there in bed, and under the guys arm is a sheep. The guy looks up and says, "You see dear, this is the pig i'm fucking when you're not around." The wife is a little shocked at this, but has the sense to realize something's wrong and replies "That's not a pig, that's a sheep..."

The guy says "I wasn't talking to you."

show me your light sabor

now that i've seen the new Starwars movie, i feel i should fulfill my roll as internet blogger and offer a review of the flick.

(warning, some spoiling may ensue)

The Bad: Not every fuckin sentence uttered by Yoda was meant to be delivered in reverse prose. Fuck, man, it was like my brain wanted to explode every time Yoda opened his mouth. Furthering the perversion, the computer generated Yoda simply does not look right. Not even close.

The Good: A return to the roots of sexy spaceships in action packed, sci-fi-tastic battles. Don't get it twisted, this was no Hoth battle scene... but the opening sequence was pretty good.

The Bad: Why is everything so cleanly computer generated? The whole fucking universe is shinier than Samuel Jackson's freshly waxed dome. I miss the dark sets; the grimy X-wings with blaster marks, the dingy Millennium Falcon's interior and dirty cross-dressing bars where Solo hung out.

The Good: over all, this movie kicked the first two right in the jimmy. Lucas should have made only this last one, since it's really the one part of the story that relates directly to the other three. Screw those other two.

For a good review that makes mine look like it was written by 3rd graders with head traumas, check out this piece by the New Yorker.

length for no particular reason other than boredom

I spent the other day working in a medium sized office building in downtown detroit. My coworker "e" (previously mentioned in a few entries here) said he used to work at an electro-plating plant just a few blocks away. It was his first job here when he first moved to the detroit area four years ago. If you're not familiar with the electro-plating process, it involves dipping metal components into various acid and chemical bathes, and then running high voltages through the liquid to form a chemical plating over the metal. Basically, think chrome. It's not a very pleasant process to be around, and any undesirable manufacturing process is magnified in suckitude when it's taking place in a dilapidated factory in Detroit's industrial section. Ed (or Easy-E as i like to call him) began telling stories of when the acid tended splash on his arms because the rubber gloves were so short and how certain chemicals would "make him high" because he had only a filter to protect him from the fumes and not a respirator. Easy Said he was commissioned with cutting up the empty 55 gallon chemical drums, which often had residual liquids in them, for easier disposal. Furthermore, he claimed his fellow workers, "the big black guys," would take his lunch and often made fun of his size and speech. The whole experience came to a head one particular evening when his ride home failed to materialize. See, Easy worked the evening shift. or the day shift. or both if they told him to. And on this particular early morning as he got out of work, he said in his broken english, he was forced to make his way to the bus stop to try to get home. Before he made it, a large women approached him and tried very persistently to sell him her body or some crack. (imagine poor ed now, trying dearly to accurately represent the deep voice of this immense women, in his own broken style of speech, "Hey you want buy my pussy?" he said while grabbing his crotch.) Easy-E fled from the women and took refuge in the most well lit area he could. it just so happened that his ride, the brother in law, did show up and edwin was safe for another night.

trying to digest the story i had just heard, while simultaneously dragging out the day's assignment to a full 8 hours, i made my way down to the parking garage for a bit of a wonder. The building housed mostly law firms so the garage attendant was also the valet. It was afternoon now and the morning rush had given way to the lull until the afternoon rush. It was one of the first warm days of spring and I found the attendant just outside the entrance to the garage, leaning back in an old chair, absorbing the sun's rays. He kept referring to it as "being on the beach" INitially i assumed he was making conversation, lamenting what a pleasure it would be to actually be sitting on a warm beach at that particular moment. but as he continued, i realized he really did believe (or at least imagine) he was sitting on a beach. He didn't go to and from the guard booth to park or retrieve cars, he walked to and fro the beech. Likewise, he admired the birds picking crumbs, sparrows i think they were, and how with a little squinting, you could see the long beaks and colorful feathers they flaunted. yes... the feathers... i think i'll enjoy my stay at the beach.

hmmmmm

at some point during the Detroit Tiger's game last night, probably around beer 6 or 7, Jon's women initiated a fresh conversation thread: She turned to me and with the straightest of face, asked "what if you had to choose between a fat, tight chick, or a super hot chick that was blown out?"

Damn. i need another beer. (merry cinco de mayo)

i see...

we don't need the taco jon's monkey to tell us it's not supposed to snow in May. not ever. especially not two days in a row.

well, you know what they say: april snow bring may snow.

"first i took away his weapon; both of them."

i learned four things in Wisconsin this past weekend.

1) shooting guns is fun.
2) sin city is possibly the best movie ever made.
3) a slipknot show is likely the most hard rocking experience i'll ever have.
4) there's some crazy stuff that goes down in a Bristol, WI gentleman's club.

sensory over load...