Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Shopping while ill
My associate (that is, one of my many, many (and often anonymous) lovers) has left on business for the summer and as a going away present gave me her virus-born cold. (Kisses!)
Without drugs or food supplies, step one was to go out into the world and restock the wolf den. (I am a wolf pack of one now. HOOOWWWLLL!)
I've experienced this intriguing scenario before so I'm not sure why it always surprises me but when I'm stocking up on drugs my ability to make wise money decisions is completely felled. I start by pouring myself into the car and driving through the summer rain to Kroger, because i know if has a Starbucks kiosk and that's the only way I'm going to shake off the NyQuil fog long enough to operate the shopping cart. First (post Bucks) stop: the medicine isles. Immediately my weakened mental state comes into play; Sweet, enjoyable and laughable Ricola cough drops or dirty-deeds-done-dirt-cheap Halls? I take both. Also some pills to loosen phlegm. Then more NyQuil, enough to host a party of Bird Flu patients and also some Advil. Burt's Bees, mouth wash, toe of newt, ankle sling, wart remover, eye drops, what is this... pregnancy test? better throw it in... I'm like the fat man running the bonus round on 80's games show Super Market Spree.
Next the fruit, bananas and strawberries, everything else takes too much preparation. This is when i start making "outside the box" purchases. Freshly baked blueberry muffins? Lady if you take that last package i will LICK YOUR FACE TWO TIMES. I think she can see the virus coursing through the veins in my eyes.
Cereal: Two boxes in case it gets worse and i can't drive myself around later.
Oreos: these are always a 50/50 chance of finding their way into my cart based on an intricate algorithm that considers worldly pulses such as how i've felt the week previous, whether i'm up or down in the fitness battle and how the Asian stock market is responding to the tech sector. Today the tech sector is doing well. Two packs.
Cat food: Do i have a cat or really know anyone that does? No, but it's raining and maybe i'll pass on a stray on the way home... Better get two cans.
Yogurt, ice cream, 300 lunchables, a king's assortment of cheeses, fancy juices, canned soup, sewing needles for acupuncture, leaches, crackers, tissues, and... Potato chips. Never, since college, have i bought potato chips when shopping solely for myself. I'm now acting like a pregnant drug addict and what? they sell ping pong balls in the beer section now? I'm going to have to entertain myself for the next few months.
...
How did i spend $115 on groceries that fail to fill 1/3 of a Miata trunk?
BONUS SAVINGS TIME: There are ants coming out of my laptop. Is this really happening or did I mix NyQuil with DayQuil again?
Without drugs or food supplies, step one was to go out into the world and restock the wolf den. (I am a wolf pack of one now. HOOOWWWLLL!)
I've experienced this intriguing scenario before so I'm not sure why it always surprises me but when I'm stocking up on drugs my ability to make wise money decisions is completely felled. I start by pouring myself into the car and driving through the summer rain to Kroger, because i know if has a Starbucks kiosk and that's the only way I'm going to shake off the NyQuil fog long enough to operate the shopping cart. First (post Bucks) stop: the medicine isles. Immediately my weakened mental state comes into play; Sweet, enjoyable and laughable Ricola cough drops or dirty-deeds-done-dirt-cheap Halls? I take both. Also some pills to loosen phlegm. Then more NyQuil, enough to host a party of Bird Flu patients and also some Advil. Burt's Bees, mouth wash, toe of newt, ankle sling, wart remover, eye drops, what is this... pregnancy test? better throw it in... I'm like the fat man running the bonus round on 80's games show Super Market Spree.
Next the fruit, bananas and strawberries, everything else takes too much preparation. This is when i start making "outside the box" purchases. Freshly baked blueberry muffins? Lady if you take that last package i will LICK YOUR FACE TWO TIMES. I think she can see the virus coursing through the veins in my eyes.
Cereal: Two boxes in case it gets worse and i can't drive myself around later.
Oreos: these are always a 50/50 chance of finding their way into my cart based on an intricate algorithm that considers worldly pulses such as how i've felt the week previous, whether i'm up or down in the fitness battle and how the Asian stock market is responding to the tech sector. Today the tech sector is doing well. Two packs.
Cat food: Do i have a cat or really know anyone that does? No, but it's raining and maybe i'll pass on a stray on the way home... Better get two cans.
Yogurt, ice cream, 300 lunchables, a king's assortment of cheeses, fancy juices, canned soup, sewing needles for acupuncture, leaches, crackers, tissues, and... Potato chips. Never, since college, have i bought potato chips when shopping solely for myself. I'm now acting like a pregnant drug addict and what? they sell ping pong balls in the beer section now? I'm going to have to entertain myself for the next few months.
...
How did i spend $115 on groceries that fail to fill 1/3 of a Miata trunk?
BONUS SAVINGS TIME: There are ants coming out of my laptop. Is this really happening or did I mix NyQuil with DayQuil again?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
At lunch today
For lunch today I was seeking a peaceful, reflective setting with some soul and something captivating to gaze upon. As i work in the Xurbia of the midwest, this is almost unobtainable so I opted for the deli down the street.
I sat in the corner of the corner table with 3 other tables in my section. Slowly, each filled with a couple. The first was two business men wearing loafers and khakis, with blue button up shirts. The noisy one was spouting on about the bad business decisions that someone in the company by the name of Curt had made. Or maybe it was Curt that was going to finally straighten things out. Either way, this conversation continued to catch my attention even when i tried to focus away, due to the audio que. The 30-something noisy one was opinionated seemed to enjoy his own voice and I immediately labeled him as someone i would avoid in the office; weasely. He was speaking to a peer of equal rank but slightly older. He looked more distinguished, with some grey hair, and seemed more reflective and objective, but agreeable enough to keep the conversation moving. I had seen this situation play out in my own life too many times to be interested.
At the second table was a man and a woman, early to mid 30's, with sexual tension. She was a natural red-head with long, slightly curly hair wearing jeans and red flannel. She was naturally good looking but gave the impression of having been raised on a farm or maybe was a tom boy growing up, since her looks were almost entirely a result of good luck and he was way out of his league. He looked and sounded generic; khakis and tennis shoes, a zip up fleece and cookie-cutter haircut. He was slim and unathletic and mostly quiet while she was an engaging, full-bodied speaker. I'm pretty sure he knew he was out-classes too, as he spent the lunch with one hand on his drink and one hand in his pocket (while sitting down!) perhaps constantly searching for his next sentence fragment. They spoke of the other night in the bar, perhaps when the met? I think friends of friends. In the light of day he seemed to offer little, mostly sitting back, staring straight ahead while she was leaning forward and swaying in her chair with the inflection in her stories.
The third table was an older man with an early middle-aged woman. A father and Daughter, I think, or maybe even Grandfather. The old man looked old, weathered, grey and wrinkled. She was considerably younger, but still had his resemblance. They were catching up, but for maybe just a week's time; maybe this was a weekly lunch date? He was intriguingly vibrant for what appeared to be his age. It seems like most people (sometimes myself included, though not on purpose) talk to seniors with a slow and slightly condescending voice but she was almost absent of that (though she did speak a *little* slower and more staccato than seemed natural, she didn't have to dumb-down her vocabulary). They talked about so-and-so's new job and the overtime she wasn't receiving and what's-her-name's failed search through the obituaries for a lost friend. Throughout the conversation I was intrigued by how quickly his mind worked and hoped the same for myself in 60 years.
I sat in the corner of the corner table with 3 other tables in my section. Slowly, each filled with a couple. The first was two business men wearing loafers and khakis, with blue button up shirts. The noisy one was spouting on about the bad business decisions that someone in the company by the name of Curt had made. Or maybe it was Curt that was going to finally straighten things out. Either way, this conversation continued to catch my attention even when i tried to focus away, due to the audio que. The 30-something noisy one was opinionated seemed to enjoy his own voice and I immediately labeled him as someone i would avoid in the office; weasely. He was speaking to a peer of equal rank but slightly older. He looked more distinguished, with some grey hair, and seemed more reflective and objective, but agreeable enough to keep the conversation moving. I had seen this situation play out in my own life too many times to be interested.
At the second table was a man and a woman, early to mid 30's, with sexual tension. She was a natural red-head with long, slightly curly hair wearing jeans and red flannel. She was naturally good looking but gave the impression of having been raised on a farm or maybe was a tom boy growing up, since her looks were almost entirely a result of good luck and he was way out of his league. He looked and sounded generic; khakis and tennis shoes, a zip up fleece and cookie-cutter haircut. He was slim and unathletic and mostly quiet while she was an engaging, full-bodied speaker. I'm pretty sure he knew he was out-classes too, as he spent the lunch with one hand on his drink and one hand in his pocket (while sitting down!) perhaps constantly searching for his next sentence fragment. They spoke of the other night in the bar, perhaps when the met? I think friends of friends. In the light of day he seemed to offer little, mostly sitting back, staring straight ahead while she was leaning forward and swaying in her chair with the inflection in her stories.
The third table was an older man with an early middle-aged woman. A father and Daughter, I think, or maybe even Grandfather. The old man looked old, weathered, grey and wrinkled. She was considerably younger, but still had his resemblance. They were catching up, but for maybe just a week's time; maybe this was a weekly lunch date? He was intriguingly vibrant for what appeared to be his age. It seems like most people (sometimes myself included, though not on purpose) talk to seniors with a slow and slightly condescending voice but she was almost absent of that (though she did speak a *little* slower and more staccato than seemed natural, she didn't have to dumb-down her vocabulary). They talked about so-and-so's new job and the overtime she wasn't receiving and what's-her-name's failed search through the obituaries for a lost friend. Throughout the conversation I was intrigued by how quickly his mind worked and hoped the same for myself in 60 years.
Monday, May 03, 2010
Last weekend i attended another wedding. Mostly it was like the others: fancy shoes -> god -> drinks -> food -> drinks -> dancing -> drinks -> {memory not found} -> how did i end up back at my hotel room?
I love weddings.
One noteworthy part was when the non-denominational Christian preacher started quoting the move Rocky, setting the scene up and describing the conversation from each character's point:
Paulie: [talking about Adrian, his sister] You like her?
Rocky: Sure, I like her.
Paulie: What's the attraction?
Rocky: I dunno... she fills gaps.
Paulie: What's 'gaps'?
Rocky: I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.
Of course the movie, being more true to life than his sermon, has three additional lines that were left un-said:
Paulie: Are you ballin' her?
Rocky: Hey!
[punches Paulie in the shoulder]
Rocky: You don't talk dirty about your sister!
The real Conan
Last week i found the most awesomest car for sale at a super low price and then the guy decided he wanted to keep it.
...sigh...
Arizona: I'm strangely in love with the idea of states making their own crazy laws about issues that they find regionally important. Maybe i WANT a state in the union where it's legal to walk around with no pants. Just sayin'. For every Arizona there will probably be a "live free or die" state and the pendulum always swings. I'm more concerned about this idea of a homogeneous country the man keeps peddling.
Finally, another of the few remaining good pieces is lost
I love weddings.
One noteworthy part was when the non-denominational Christian preacher started quoting the move Rocky, setting the scene up and describing the conversation from each character's point:
Paulie: [talking about Adrian, his sister] You like her?
Rocky: Sure, I like her.
Paulie: What's the attraction?
Rocky: I dunno... she fills gaps.
Paulie: What's 'gaps'?
Rocky: I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.
Of course the movie, being more true to life than his sermon, has three additional lines that were left un-said:
Paulie: Are you ballin' her?
Rocky: Hey!
[punches Paulie in the shoulder]
Rocky: You don't talk dirty about your sister!
The real Conan
Last week i found the most awesomest car for sale at a super low price and then the guy decided he wanted to keep it.
...sigh...
Arizona: I'm strangely in love with the idea of states making their own crazy laws about issues that they find regionally important. Maybe i WANT a state in the union where it's legal to walk around with no pants. Just sayin'. For every Arizona there will probably be a "live free or die" state and the pendulum always swings. I'm more concerned about this idea of a homogeneous country the man keeps peddling.
Finally, another of the few remaining good pieces is lost
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