Fax party

new place

(why would there be a shirt hanging from the ceiling lamp?)

too close to home

It seems there's an entire theory in the alternative energy underground that the company i work for (i tend to never mention here the name of my current employer) is essentially responsible for undermining the development of hybrid, plug in hybrid and even pure electric vehicles in the U.S.

This new data is highly detrimental to the paradigm.

It all revolves around legal action taken by my company and it's parents to defend battery chemistry technology, allegedly copied by Panasonic and Toyota. Alliances with oil companies make the plot go 'round, supplying a ready-made antagonist and conspiracy. I am so very... confused and It will take much time to absorb and react to this new information.

I want to believe in the goodness. It's what makes the 10 hours days go by so quickly and what makes you want to spend the first warm day of the year thermally profiling a new heat management system for the '09 model because there is so much science to be done and so few people.

What's most important now is informing the overlords that the master plan has been revealed... No one is falling for the ruse of a small group of people driving hybrids and riding their bikes to work because it's the most rewarding job you can find in a place like Detroit. Then again, if i was the evil management and wanted to convince everyone i wasn't choking-out battery technology, I'd hire a bunch of idealistic fools too.

More science is needed.

Best

good


better

edit

edit: in reference to a previous post about threesomes...

I just realized the first line of my threesome tirade refers to "bullet scared strippers" as in strippers that are afraid of bullets, presumably coming from a gun. It was supposed to read "bullet scarred strippers" as in strippers sporting bullet scars which your finger-tips can identify quite readily, even when drunk.

This is only important not only because it adds a level of gritty realness and visualization, but also because it's a true story based on actual events.

(Support your local pole workers union)

part II

I once knew a man who refused to celebrate his alcoholism. Later in life, that very same man would request an “energy-generation-themed” sequel to my highly un-acclaimed synopsis on the state of alternative and non alternative transportation fuels; a valid request if every there was one. Especially considering the unofficial conclusion to my previous entry (the EV or PHEV) places the brunt of transportation energy needs on the national electric grid. Once again, I promise no fact checking, because that time is better spent in the VIP room, where I vowed to myself I would avoid for at least 3… 2 weeks.

--que “Workout Theme” from Rocky--

This one’s for Timbo. (Did anyone else know that in the originally planned version of the latest Rocky movie, Rocky was supposed to visit an HIV/Death bed stricken Ivan Drago in Russia? That would have made the movie 36% better)

Non renewables

Oil

Rundown: Seldom used to generate electricity, you may find a few smaller Diesel generators (think less than 100kW) used during rare high demand times, or maybe powering some Arctic outpost or some shit like that. As far as I know, it basically doesn’t exist in the modern electric utility.

Outlook: Save it for your gas-powered dildos and hedge trimmers: no one’s gonna use black gold to make megawatts.

Coal

Rundown: To domestic power generation, coal is like Dale Ernhart, The Super Bowl and that time in high school when that hot chick totally went down on you (man, you never again scored action like that... everything was so much better back then), all rolled into one. Coal is so cheap that the comparisons to your mother/sister/girlfriend practically write themselves. Likewise in both cases, it’s dirty as hell and many laws have been passed in an attempt (though often half-hearted) to outlaw its (and their) use. Depending on whose lies you believe, coal is said to account for something like 60% of our power generation and is so plentiful, it practically falls out of the earth. Or, you know, onto some minors. (Why wouldn’t they let those guys enjoy a cold beer after a long day in the mines?) Local laws, though often preventing the construction of new coal plants or requiring “clean coal” facilities, almost always allow for the continued operation of existing facilities, lest they drive the utilities out of business by mandating total replacement of existing infrastructure. The idea of clean coal is mysterious and as far as I’m concerned, bogus. It can be reformed into things like “coal gas” and such, but as we’ve already learned, when we turn a dirty fuel into a clean fuel, the equation of life dictates the “dirt” part still show up on the right side of the equation. That means carbon bi-products, the best disposal solution suggested thus far being “pump it into the ground?” Right...

Outlook: Everything having to do with clean coal is smoke and mirrors. Old facilities continue to pump mercury, sulfur, COX, solid pollutants and a slew of other junk into the air, while newer plants pump a portion of it into a box which is sold to third world countries and made into Ramon Noodles. Unfortunately, the US alone has enough to power itself for about 300 years.

Natural Gas

Rundown: Natural gas is the golden child of new utility capacity. This is because instead of building massive, large capacity coal or nuclear plants, they’re opting to add in smaller, cheaper increments, only fulfilling the needs of the immediate future. Nature gas is perfect for this because it’s relatively clean and unlike the others, efficient in small scales. (The large capital investment associated with carbon sequestering or nuclear containment require an equally large return on investment, making it uneconomical to build small nuclear/coal plants). Unfortunately, this gas which was once vented into the atmosphere for lack of a better purpose is now looked upon most favorably and without even arguing about how much of the stuff is left, we can’t deny that the supplying governments are unreliable at best.

Outlook: Tough to call and even harder to add wit to. Far cleaner than coal and other fossil fuels, it’s hard to come by and getting harder. Additionally, use of gas for heating is increasing demand big time. Also, this could be the Soviet Republic’s big ticket back into the major leagues.

Nuclear

Rundown: Nuclear energy is like an enigma wrapped up in misunderstanding and tucked into an "I-can't-quite-put-my-finger-on-it" shaped box. On one hand you have a basically limitless supply of energy and assuming nothing goes wrong, no waste that can't easily be dealt with. (if everyone was really honest with themselves, they'd realize that nuclear waste 40 miles below the surface ain't gonna hurt nobody). Of course, if something DOES go wrong, none of the above matters because your skin is boiling and your eyes are bleeding out. It falls somewhere between the guilty fossil fuels and the petunia smelling renewables.

Outlook: Depends who you vote for

Renewables

Wind

Rundown: The wind energy bubble came and went without many people noticing. Most cheap, viable, open windy farm land in the Midwest have been spoken for, though I’m not convinced the majority of it will never see the windmill it was purchased for. I think Europeans recognized electricity from wind as an elegant and simple solution long before the states did. Many people will say dumb things like “what if the wind stops blowing?” Those people have never been to the top of a tall building, off shore of a New England State or spent any time with Notorious’ sister/mother/girlfriend (I hear she blows AND sucks)

Outlook: Companies like GE and others are always building bigger windmills, the most recent of which can produce 5 megawatts when located offshore. This is enough to power about 5000 homes. I expect to see a lot more windmills, and in all honestly, they make me just a little randy.

Solar

Rundown: Believe it or not, the sun is predictable and action packed if you go to the right place. In fact, it's a pretty well known fact that something like 500 sq miles of solar panels located in the southwest would power the entire US. (look it up). And that calculation assumes your basic silicon cell of ~8% efficiency, where technologies like a dual axis-tracking, parabolic trough thermal system can convert solar thermal energy on the efficiency range of 40%. And since it's a thermal facility, instead of direct to electric, that thermal energy can be stored and distributed through out the 24 hour day.

Outlook: Facilities like the one described above have been operating in the southwest for 20 years, and though still operational... nothing similar has been built in the U.S. this millennium. What can I do?

The Others

Geo thermal

Rundown/Outlook: If you’re living in Iceland and a home-owner, pat yourself on the back friend, because Geo-Thermal Energy and nationalized health care are about the only things you got going for you in life.

Tidal

Rundown/Outlook: There’s a lot of water moving around out there and even if it moves just a little and very slowly, the ungodly mass makes it a viable energy source. However, I don’t have to throw myself head first into a man-on-man-on-man-on-rhino-on man orgy to know I’m not going to feel at home in that setting. Likewise, I don’t need direct experience with the sea to know those angry, salty, waters will make short work of any sort of power generating facility placed in its indignant depths. The point is, Joules Vern, time to go back to the Nautilus and play make-believe/touch yourself. This scenario seems unlikely.

Energy Storage

We all know god dammed well that as soon as I talk about renewable (and therefore perceived as unreliable) sources of energy, someone is going to pipe up about the inherent instability this system induces on the obviously fragile national electric grid. Allow me to piss on your face before you even open your mouth by exploring the wonderful world of large-scale, high power energy storage systems. (Back off man, I’m a scientist). There’s plenty of methods. Here’s two good ones.

Battery

Rundown: I’m sure you all realize that 95% of the technology for chemical-based batteries was sorted out about a hundred years ago. That said, even though I hate the idea of being a traditionalist, my experience says the longest lasting methods are normally the soundest. For your typical large battery, the best advances of late have come in the area of energy density and minimizing environmental impact. The downfall continues to be the pesky high price ingredients.

Outlook: Did I mention that I work for a battery company and after two engineering jobs in the battery field would officially consider myself a battery expert? Betting against batteries is like betting against Rocky: you don’t do it lest you wake up with broken arms. Still, batteries aren't the best way to power a building when the sun goes down- They are, however, a great way to suck up some solar power to get to work and back in your PHEV.

Note: If you’ve heard of super capacitors or something of the like, they’re a lot like batteries but more fantastical. People have been promising them to be “just around the time corner” for the last 30 years. If you get me really drunk we can talk about fly wheel-based energy storage devices… People already use these things! (Google it bitches)

Water

Rundown/Outlook: Power demand is like a sin wave added to a constant value greater than one. If you got laid in high school and don't know what that means, it basically says demand goes up and down with a pretty constant pulse. The problem is your generating capacity needs to meet the highest peak, making for unnecessary power when the demand dips. Big pumped water storage tanks are a way to use energy when demand is low (pump water into a resevoir) and recover it when demand is high (let the water flow out a la hydro-station). It's simple and elegant here under a cover of clouds we see the Ludington pumped water storage facility that's been in effect since the 70's.

More proof that like Rocky, sequels are never as good as the original. That is all. There is no point and no conclusion because nothing has been finished. It's hard to fight the good fight and I am tired. Next week I'll tell you about this simple theory: The further you study a topic, the more jaded you become. If only science can save us...

disc

We all knew that the bee is made in this state, but who would claim to know that the sport itself (or various sports) had such deep roots in Michigan?

life kicks you when you're down

My threesome entry has received little acclaim. It appears people only talk about this stuff when they're drunk.



In the mean time, kidney stones + pneumonia =/ crazy delicious. I've never spent a night in the hospital, let alone done the doubled-over, writhing-strut of pain into the emergency room. It breaks down like this:

1) All data, though inconclusive, shows that I am still invincible, though highly susceptible to prolonged stabbing sensations in the kidney. It also helps to add a respiratory-based viral infection to take me down.

2) The pain-medicine drip makes all the problems go away.

3) Vicadin makes it hard to concentrate on the written word; 11 episodes of "Heros" proves it is the greatest show on TV, as it is based on superhero/comic book stuff with a villain that increases his powers by eating the brains of other people with powers.


I am so very sleepy now

Three's Company

I’ve compiled my list of all things threesomes. Of course you wonder, “How can the Sophist speak about threesomes, when he has never known one? Is he some kind of wizard?”

To this of course I would argue that all knowledge is intrinsically known and I must simply recollect what was already known, bitches.

Besides, it’s like a wise man once told me: “What can I do?”

Every work-a-day-warrior/bar-philosopher knows threesomes are becoming as common as apple pie and bullet scared strippers. I could prove this shift in modern Americana by searching a lot of online articles for magazines like Glamor and Cosmo and other such mind imploding materials with titles like “threesomes are the new black?” and “Should you share your guy?” but that would likely cause me long term damage. Instead I’ll illustrate the point by way of the “Three’s Company Enigma.”

See, when Three's Company first came out, everyone was begging the question, could it be possible that Jack might one day nail both Janet and Chrissy? Saner minds of the time, of course, reminded those fringe-of-society lunatics that Janet and Chrissy were in fact ladies and the chances of such a bumbling and clearly low-income Jack putting the love dart to those two foxes was like asking if reverse electron flow theory will every displace conventional current flow theory. (the answer is "no")

Were John Q. Network to break a show like that today there would be no zaney “what if” appeal, simply because the 18-25 crew would readily assume that the three of them had already tagged up sometime back in college and the issue was all worked out. Of course, Janet’s boyfriend at the time would have been allowed to video tape the whole thing, Chrissy would later turn out to be a full blown lesbian and jack was too high to recall the night’s events. (He passed out 10 minutes in and the ladies, championed by an enthusiastic yet oddly aggressive Chrissy had to continue without him,) But the underlying assumption would be obvious and people would turn off their sets in bitter fury knowing that Chrissy and Janet were WAY too old to make a mistake like that again.

If that’s not proof enough, let it be known that wikipedia features illustrated examples under its “threesome” listing. (think about it)



threesomes: it's science

With that established, eveone wants to know how to make it happen and after living though a lot of these threesome (the cool kind... and the un-cool kind) conversations, this is what I’ve gathered: There’s basically two ways honest guys like ourselves are going to seal the deal with two chicks; Either to find a girlfriend, acquaintance or some other form of “known” female that wants to experiment with you and another lady, or two, pull off the random, one-time, one-night hook up with two stunning (-ish, but we’ll get to that in a moment) ladies who know they’ll never have to listen to our theories on things like sci-fi, cars or electron theory the next morning and yet for some reason STILL feel a burning need to put our 21st digit between them. This of course assumes the people I associate with aren’t millionaires, willing to pay for two hookers or want to walk into a Detroit strip club with a pocket full of powder, the last of which seems to be the most effective way to pull this thing off. Just maybe not the easiest. (You’re not afraid of Cadillac-driving pimps named Elron, right?)

The chance of a random shag with two chicks is akin to a low probability analogy that I’m too tired to write (though history and drunken life-stories seem to prove it does happen). For that reason, most ambitious fellows gear their game around the “convince my current female of interest that we should share the beauty of our dirty mattress-dance.” The fact that i think most people forget are the concessions one will make when it comes to finding that lucky third contestant. For reasons which will remain unanswered, i will call this the "Greece-Syndrome," which can be a deadly, dangerous road when you're already dealing with numbers on the un-happy side of the 1 to 10 scale. But you can leave that part out when retelling the story at the bar.

So how come we’re not all elbows deep in flesh and holes? Could be Midwest states aren’t as hip as the coasts? Or is it because of the terrible and seemingly insurmountable threesome paradox that everyone (important (as in, ‘female’)) wants to be the mysterious and unknown third person. This is evident by the fact that everyone seems to know a person or two that actually “went through with” or “scammed” a threesome (whether one “goes through with” or happens to “scam” the threesome depends naturally on whether or not your underwear has a fly in the front). These tainted and adventurous sages always seem to revert to the “I should have gotten two people I didn’t know.” (unless, you know, they're strippers that do it for blow)

I’m not really sure what to add at this point. There’s probably a lot to be said for etiquette, safety and watching your wallet, but if you find yourself dealing with these issues, you have already reached the peak of the mountain and are simply making the climb down. I have decided that is my greatest contribution to the betterment of man and will now deal with the inevitable few who will ask the most obvious of questions. I'll begin:

Some will query “where did you get the free time to become such a masterful logitician?
To which I will answer “the bar (with your mom)”

And some will stand up and proclaim “shouldn’t two naïve and well-to-look-at lasses please assemble on the Sophist’s residence so this body of knowledge can be completed?” You enthusiastic few would be right.

Finally, some will ask, “but doesn’t H read this blog and will she not punch you in the eye with great fury?” You my fellows would be most right of all.

(all euphemisms provided by these people)

eidt: I forgot to mention the "Seduce two India-Exchange grad students who are cousins" to my list of ways these things go down. It's proven effective, but only if you're prepared to find yourself on the unfriendly side of an Indian Hit-squad. A lot was learned that summer. Maybe a little... Too much.


game face

I'm back bitches

After a cold and icy move-in, followed by a brief stint of flu-like symptoms, my possessions are nar'y out of the box. Regardless, I've got the wireless cancer waves of the internet pulsing through my apartment and I've had a lot of time to create. Stay tuned for my analysis of threesomes. In the mean time, enjoy this:

this article, though painful and obvious... still somehow seems worth it.

I've not seen this movie, know nothing about it and can't even comprehend what it could be about. But kind of want to see it now. And yet don't. (not the bees!)

Lastly, this product advertised in this seemingly lesbian Erotic film is quite ninja in nature... yet still so very disturbing.

before they could kill him they had to create him

The big move north is upon me. It could be a while before i can get back to my regular schedule of spotty and half-hearted content. These decently narrated pictures should hold over all of you.

(note: all cell phone pics. wee technology)


a while back i went to a DJ battle in a dark, DARK underground basement club in the D where an acquaintance did battle with another Detroit DJ. Each man brought $500 and a crate of records. Roommate and I were told to be there "in case the guy didn't pay" (here's another quote: "if something happens, don't cut the guy- just rough him up") Considering this was smack in the middle of the strangest weekend of my life, i was pretty un-phased by this request. Even though i reckon myself a lover more than fighter there was no way i was going to miss seeing the outcome. (Acquaintance won, all debts were paid... i guess. I was pretty drunk by then and had spent some time in a goth bar in between... Who was that guy?)



When the car was dead I got an 07 charger w/1500 miles as a rental. It had the small engine but looked sharp.



I am SO ready for Fiat driving season.

not an addict

been reading this HILARIOUS list.

Dick sharpener, Framazama, Finger warmer,Hairy Checkbook, Wizard's Sleeve, Panty Hamster, and Mrs. Sphincter's Next Door Neighbor all featured.

A
Abyss, The
Afro clam
Almeja
Axe wound

B
Bacon strip
Badly wrapped kebab
Bajingo
Bald man in a boat
BAP (Bad Ass Pussy)
Bologna curtains
Baloney sandwich
Bearded clam
Bearded taco
Beaver
Beaver Cleaver
Beefgina
Beef curtain
Beef garage
Beef jacket
Bermuda triangle
Biff
Biffen
Birdy
Birth cannon
Bitchcake
Bizzle
Black cat with its throat cut
Black hole Of Calcunta
Blood tap
Blurt
Bone hone
Bone yard
Boogina
Bottomless pit
Box
Box lunch at the Y
Boy in the boat
Breakfast
Breakfast of champions
Buhgina
Bulldog's lip
Bunny
Bush

C
Cake
Camel hoof
Camel toe
Camp coochie
Catcher's mitt
Catfish
Cathedral
Cathouse
Cauliflower
Cave
Cha-cha
Chia pet
Chocha
Choochi snorcher
Chopped ham
Chuff
Chumino
Clam
Clamato fountain
Clamburger
Clodge
Clown's pocket
Cock cave
Cock cozy
Cock garage
Cock holster
Cock milk
Cock pit
Cock pocket
Cock sheath
Cock socket
Cock tub
Cockwash
Cod canal
Concha
Conill
Cooch
Coochie
Cookie
Coon
Coonie
Coont
Cootch
Cooter
Cooz(e)
Cradle of filth
Creamery, The
Crotch cobbler
Crotch mackerel
Crotch taco
Cum bucket
Cum canal
Cum catcher
Cum dumpster
Cum target
Cunny
Cunt
Cunti

D
Dank diner
Delta of Venus
Dent
Dick dent
Dick depot
Dick dock
Dick drive
Dick holster
Dick sharpener
Dick shed
Dick's crib
Dicky Dino
Dirty cumpie
Ditch
Divit
DNA dumpster
DNA slurpee machine
Dripping slit
Droog
Dyke snack

E
Easy bake oven
Everlasting Gobstuffer

F
Fadge
Fandango
Fertile delta, The
Festering wound
Filthy hatchet wound
Finger warmer
Fish factory
Fish fanny
Fish hole
Fish pie
Fish taco
Flaming lips
Flange
Flesh curtains
Flesh flute case
Flesh tuxedo
Flesh wallet
Flesh wound
Flounder, The
Flower
Fluff
Fluffy sausage wallet
Fluttering love wallet
Foo foo
Foof
Foofy bird
Fortune nookie
Foster home of Peter the Orphan
Foufoune
Four-lipped man eater
Framazama
French poodle
Front-butt
Frothing gash
Fuck hole
Fuffle
Fun bun
Fun tunnel
Fur pie
Furback turtle
Furburger
Furby
Furry horse collar
Furry front bottom
Fuzz box
Fuzzy cup
Fuzzy lap flounder
Fuzzy puddle
Fuzzy taco

G
Gange
Gap
Gaper
Gaping hole
Garage of love
Gash
Gator grip
Gina
Ginch
Giner
Giney
Gingerbread
Gleaming mound of Venus
Glory hole
Glory road
Gnash
God's master plan
Golden gully
Goldmine
Goo pot
Gooey man trap
Gouge
Grand Canyon
Gravy boat
Grilled cheese
Growler
Gutted hampster
Gutted rabbit
Gynie

H
Haddock pasty
Hair pie
Hairy beaver
Hairy bike rack
Hairy checkbook
Hairy cherry
Hairy clam
Hairy cream pie
Hairy harmonica
Hairy hatchet wound
Hairy headache
Hairy Manilow
Hairy Mary
Hairy scar
Hairy taco
Hamburger
Ham sandwich
Hatchet wound
Heart-shaped box
Her
Hey nonny nonny
Hidey hole
Hina
Hinge
Hole
Home plate
Honeyhole
Honeypot
Hoo-ha
Hoo-hoo
Hooch
Hoon
Hootch
Hootchie
Hootchie pop
Horizontal fishcake
Hot Box
Hot pocket
Hot quivering love-purse
Hotdog bun
Hummer hole

I
Illnana
In hole, The

J
Jack in the box
Jack Nastyface
Jellyroll
Jizz receptacle
Juice box

K
Kini
Kit-Kat
Kitty
Knob gobbler
Knots landing
Koo koo
Kookooyumyumpoon
Kooter
Kunt

L
Labbe
Landing strip
Lap flounder
Lips that never speak
Lobster claw
Lotus flower
Love muscle
Love muffin
Love pudding
Love tunnel
Lower lips

M
Man's ruin
Map of Tasmania (Tasi)
Meal ticket
Meat curtains
Meat grinder
Meat muffin
Meat napkin
Meat slipper
Meat wallet
Meatloaf
Mejillon
Miffy
Minge
Minnie's pearl
Miss Pussy
Missile silo
Moan pie
Momma's silk purse
Mommy button
Money box
Money maker
Monkey
Mooch
Moose knuckle, The
Moose's lip
Mother Theresa
Motherload
Mound
Mrs. Sphincter's next door neighbor
Mucker
Muckhole
Mud flaps
Muff
Muff monster
Muffhole
Muffin
Muffler
Muffy
Munch box
Mushy mushy
Mutton chops
Mutton flaps

N
Na-na
Na-ner na-ner pudding
Nappy canoe
Nappy dugout
Nethermeats
Ninja slipper
Nipper
Nookie
Nooner

O
Oak tree planter
Old bacon strip
Old Mother Hubbard
Old toothless
Oonie
Orchid boat
Organ grinder
Otter's pocket
Oval office
Oyster taco

P
Panocha
Panty hamster
Passion flower
Patona
Peach
Peach fish
Pearl pit
Pecan Pattie
Pecker-snot repository
Pee bug
Peeper
Pelt
Penis holster
Penis penitentiary
Penis piranha
Penis pocket
PenisStation, The
Peter pleaser
Peter's punching bag
Phat rabbit
Pink brownie cake
Pink canoe
Pink lipped custard sucker
Pink lips
Pink palace
Pink panda
Pink petaled posie
Pink pie
Pink pit of pleasure
Pink stink
Pink taco
Pinkly stinkly
Pish
Piss curtains
Piss flaps
Plewie
Po-po
Pocketbook
Poke hole
Pookie
Poon
Poonani
Poontang
Poontang pie
Pootnanny
Pork danglies
Poosazi
Pooter
Pootie poo
Pootietang
Pooty poo
Postage stamp (you lick it, you stick it, you send it on its way)
Pot holder
Prayer muffin
Prick pit
Promised Land, The
Pu-jar
Puddin pie
Pudi
Pumpkin blossom
Puna
Punani
Puni
Pushin' cushion
Pussy
Putang
Puter
Puty pu

Q
Quiff
Quim
Quinnie
Quivering mound of love pudding

R
Raw oyster
Receptacle, The
Red haired lass
Red snapper
Roast beef curtain
Roast beef pita
Rocket pocket
Rod roaster
Rooster fish
Rosebud
Round mound of repound
Rug
Rusty axe wound

S
Sacapuntas
Sagging bacon cones
Salami sandwich
Salmon scented semen sucker
Sausage wallet
Scrunt
Seafood taco
Sex hole
Shnush
Shooting range
Shrimp boat
Shrimp pie
Shutters of love
Silk igloo, The
Slice
Skunk guts
Slickety squid
Slime slit
Slimey slot
Slippery sheath
Slit
Slobbering bulldog
Sloppy joe
Sloppy oyster
Slot A
Slug's belly
Smackey
Smelly jelly hole
Smoo
Snack box
Snack pack
Snake charmer
Snapper
Snatch
Snizzle
Snotty lips
Snutch
Soft taco
South mouth
Southern smile, The
Spam castanet
Sperm bank
Sperm belcher
Sperm harbor
Split-faced hair shark
Split knish
Splittail
Spock-socket
Spunk locker
Spunk pit
Squashed hedgehog
Squirt bucket
Squishy
Stanky
Stench trench
Sticky bun
Stink hole
Stinkinoonie
Stinky krinky
Stinky pink
Stuffed stocking
Sugar walls
Sweaty burrito
Sweet spot
Sword swallower

T
Taffy puller
Tang
Tasty little morsel
Tinkleflower
Treasure chest
Tri-fold floppy
Trout basket
Tulip
Tuna melt
Tuna taco
Tuna town
Tuna tunnel
Tuna 'n' whiskers
Tunnel
Tunnel of love
Turkey beard
Turkey curtains
Tutu
Twat
Twat waffle
Twisted taco
Two fingered fish mitten
Two-lips

U
Underwear oyster
Upside down taco

V
V
Vadge
Vagittyfidgit
Vagooter
Vaheena
Veeg
Vertical bacon slice
Vertical grimace
Vertical smile
Vertical taco
Velvet box
Velvet glove
Venus fly trap
Venus jive trap
Vice of love, The

W
Warm slurpee
Wazza
Welly-boot top
Welly-top
Weenie wringer
Wet wrinkle
Whisker biscuit
Whooha
Wide open spaces
Wide papaya smile
Willy washer
Winkin' pink brownie cake
Wizard's sleeve
Wookie
Wookie hole
Woolen bivalve
Worm hole
Wound that never heals, The
Wrinkle
Wuzza

X
X-Box

Y
Ya-ya
Yeast cake
Yo-yo smuggler
Yoni
Yum yum

Z
Zone, The

(stolen directly from here. I'll be honest- I didn't have the staying power to read the whole list)

"Do you even have a job anymore?"

I think it is time to reveal to the world the truth about my work. The local news (local news, remember, is like the dumb kid at the slow school) recently did a piece on the company i work for, something to the effect of high tech, alternative-energy companies in Michigan, a popular theme here because of dire efforts to replace lost automotive jobs of recent.

Anyway, I never did see what was broadcast, but friends and family say i was quite stunning in my safety glasses and operating that large and pricey piece of nondescript equipment. Funny thing is, when the CEO says "hey, we need some footage- do something that looks like science..." you do it.



-this is so close to the truth it's creepy-


A typical day at work is split between the shop floor, a meeting room and my desk; let's say 40%, 40% and 20%, respectively. The shop floor would include the test area, featuring large, nondescript high-power boxes powered by a litany of computers, as well as thermal chambers that are basically car-seized boxes that operate as an oven and freezer, depending on whether you want to cook or freeze your battery sample. And by sample, of course, i mean people. (you gotta tell 'em! It's people...) Also on the shop floor is the proto-type build area where i've been known to wield an assortment of tools typical engineers have only seen on television shows hosted by men with beards and new england accents. Finally, this would include the place where I would conduct various a-typical attempts to collect data on matters such as pack noise, thermal management system flow rates or maybe power losses across high voltage connections. In conclusion, this is where the science (magic) happens.





Spending time in the meetings rooms, like dealing with a stripper's bad breath, is just part of everyday life. Most of these meetings are held because a) management wants to discuss something or b) the customer is mad about something. I should point out here that moral at this company is higher than I've ever experienced before, both personally and throughout the whole company. Of the few dozen people i work with directly in a typical day, there's only two that people seem to dislike. One is Danger Steve and the other is Dr. Lunch and Dr. Lunch isn't really a bad guy- just kind of annoying, and every since Danger Steve (who started the same day I did) came around, no one seems to talk about Dr. Lunch as much.

Finally, there's my desk/cubical. It's larger- half the size of my bedroom, but located RIGHT by the main door, so there's a cold draft and everyone who walks in can see what I'm doing or not doing. I typically work about 50 hours a week and at least one day is normally an 11 or 12 hour stint, but i don't mind because i enjoy the work. When i do have down time, I venture to the desks of some of the people who have been there from the beginning. My company was founded just a few years ago with about 10 people from an R&D firm. The first few years were mostly proof of concept work and one-off design. My mentor-guy was one of THE guys working on the GM EV-1 back in the day and everyone who's been there for a couple years has a picture of them self standing next to some variety of electric car, bus or other. (The scary part is i recognize most of those vehicles.) I will now reveal the full extent of my geekness by divulging the true giddiness i feel when hearing about developing the EV-1 and whatnot. Man that was a sweet ride. No i never saw the movie. No i don't watch The Office.

it all makes so much sense now

"just because it's the easy way, doesn't mean it's the cowboy way"

from indexed - this site is quite fun for the quantitative-minded

meant to put this up last time:

muay thai

I am the car slayer

This has been a crazy week- Starting with last weekend, full details of which aren't even worth getting into, since I can fill a few pages just retelling my car mis-adventures. (At least part of that craziness involved a Detroit Goth Club that made Marylin Manson videos look like "Fluffy McSoftyness' Sunshine Hay Ride Through Smiley-way.")

This story begins Saturday while driving down a side street, on my way to the coffee shop (my most benign destination of the weekend), when some yahoo backed hap-haphazardly out of his parking spot and quite skillfully into my front fender. (see below)

His shitty Ford Torus was, of course, undamaged. "I can't believe how bad that sounded" are not the words to introduce yourself when I'm trying to force my door open, extraditing myself from a mangled car. Lesson of the night: Allen Park cops are still Dicks.

This event set in motion an avalanche of logistical nightmares including phone calls, high dollar amount checks and a HUGE assortment of "can i get a ride?" to and from various places to opick up or drop off extra vehicles. It started with my parent's cherry red Plymouth Sundance, which was to be my mode of transportation for the interim. Car number 2 made it to and from work once, when attempting to start it, a huge cloud of white, sweet smelling smoke poured from the back end... mmmm... smells like head gasket. I pushed my luck, driving it to the first appointment of the day, but decided to cut home early based on the amount of antifreeze that was disappearing into the atmosphere. Lesson learned: a blown head gasket is mostly drivable, assuming you can start it with all that fluid in the cylinder... just don't turn it off.

This afternoon i used a 1/2 personal day trying to track down a rental car for the rest of the week- who knew that unreserved rentals are so damn hard to come by? I'm talking a dozen places called, at least, with no luck. I finally tracked down a bright blue dodge charger with a tiny engine and styling that make me feel like a pimp.

In the mean time, through another crazy, hard to explain round of randomness, i found a guy who lives just down the road from me who can weld up my Fiat intake manifold, eliminating the exhaust crossover and coolant paths. (We'll call the dead Fiat car number 3) Lesson learned: Talk to the old guys, they know a guy.

So here's to car number 4: Lucky blue charger.

In unrelated news, this guy is creepy. Not sos much because he poses as a 12 yr old kid and hangs out at skate parks (he could have seen that on a movie) but more because he lives in a trailer with 3 old men/convicted pedophiles and has sex with them while scheming ways to dupe kids into doing the same.

Also, this is what i think of the super bowl. (thanks Skelert)

rubbin's racin'

Harry Hogge: Cole, you're wandering all over the track!
Cole Trickle: Yeah, well this son of a bitch just slammed into me.
Harry Hogge: No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he *rubbed* you. And rubbin, son, is racin'.

if you read only one book this summer...

then watch these instead:






For more, i recommend this, this, and this raw early episode.

follow up

Notorious has pointed us to some interesting information. But the real question is "who is this Eric Prince?" It's easy to pick on the no-bid Blackwater contracts and such, but who would be genius enough to think this up and twisted enough to really believe in it?



Homeboy hates the gays and the hippies.... but why?

Michigan born, but "Price," you say? Very Machiavellian, right? Plus there's the direct ties to the Devos' of Michigan and Amway International... Could you INVENT (imagine) a more EVIL empire?




Well, turns out he's a ghost and there is no information to be found. I guess he never existed at all! I feel better now.

All things automotive fuel

Preface: This is a wholly opinion based entry, constructed from readings, observations and deductions, as well as what I suspect is sound reasoning. Like the media, I’ve decided citations are unnecessary, for that time would be better spent drinking and watching porn.

Gasoline
Rundown: Gasoline is great but there is no better, cleaner or more efficient way to produce it, relying 100% on refining the goo of dead things from millions (or thousands, praise Allah) of years ago that. The oil, though requiring those millions of years to brew (Thousand --Allah), is being used up something in the order of a few centuries. All in all, it represents a definition for bad foresight, but it’s just so damn convenient, like a drunk party girl.

Outlook: There will always be some oil, but I'd prefer to use it for things like plastic bags, glock stocks, rather than lighting it on fire.


Diesel
Rundown: Diesel is like Gasoline’s bigger, older, uglier brother that says improper things around the family during thanksgiving and refuses to let you barrow his Led Zeppelin 2 CD to rip the songs. His only redeeming quality is a god-like strength that allows him to get a lot of work done, even if very little thought or technique is required. Much like your pot-smoking brother, Diesel has a lot of baggage that comes in the form of expensive materials and plumbing to clean up emissions of this un-refined fuel. The Europeans are big into the Diesel and have a lot of experience with it, recognizing early that they could better our state-side gas mileage by some 50%. As of 2007, tough emissions standards (In all modern countries) are preventing most companies from investing the money to develop a new series of Diesels for the US since demand is so low.

Outlook: Take it or leave it. Some people are obsessed with this fuel the same way they’re obsessed with quirky Scandinavian cars and hats with ear flaps, but the fact is, since there's less refining going into making the fuel, more refining is needed when using it. Pay now or pay later.

Ethanol
Rundown: If I lived on a coast I wouldn’t have to hear about ethanol nearly as much. Now ethanol demand is higher than ever and is currently contributing to a hay shortage for animals trapped in the snow. (normally when hey is short, they could feed ‘em corn- but we turned all the corn to fuel so we can drive nascar with out hippie intervention.) Ethanol emissions are similar to traditional hydrocarbons but the theory goes that growing the crop displaces the release of carbon-oxides. In the end, production of corn or other ethanol producing crops will adjust to meet demand, but it is unlikely that the US will be able to grow crop levels significant enough to offset fuel demands. The best thing going for ethanol is the idea that farmers (the kicking-dog of the modern economy) could grow the fuel of the future, is basically a wet dream for politicians.

Outlook: The great white hype will be around forever, likely as ad additive to all traditional gasoline in the 5 to 15% range, used to offset the necessary amount of imported oil. At these levels its presence will be transparent to the end users. Expect E85 cars to be a thing of the mid-west, or perhaps to die forever.

Bio-Diesel
Run-Down: Much like ethanol and Donny, the Bio Diesel (or b-dizzle as I like to call it) is way out of its league. Try as we might, we’re never going to consume enough chicken tenders and Taquitos to produce the excesses of cooking oil that the league of super hippies would require to power a country-sized fleet of late 90’s import diesel Volkswagens. Fact is, even as a produce based (soy, canola, bean sprout, what-EVER) derivative, we still run into the problem of size (of land) to yield (of fuel) ratios.

Outlook: The idea of using food wastes to create fuel is a great idea but it's not a game changer and is way over hyped. Unless we start buying 100lb bags of sugar from Central America for 13 cents to make the stuff (and thus interrupting the political dream of homegrown fuel and further angering the UFCW) expect to find the stuff as an additive to all diesel fuel in small quantities (<15%), and again off-setting the overall demand for ground-drawn oil.

Hybrid Electric Vehicles
Run down: The benefits of gas electric hybrids in their current form are trumped up fallacies, the likes of which we have not seen since the myth of the female Orgasm (kidding...). The complexity of a car with a two input drive train, duel propulsion sources (gas engine/electric motor) duel energy tanks (gas/battery) and a computer system to manage it all, far negates the minuscule gains in efficiency. These Rube Goldberg devices are going to be a mechanics worst nightmare, combining the worst of two worlds. In fact, by trying to create the perfect balance, It seems the engineers have missed the point completely.

Outlook: If there is a god, consumer hybrids will go the way of the Do-do, Crystal clear pepsi, and my transformers lunch box. A reasonable development would include electric or hydraulic-based hybrid system with regeneration used in commercial and industrial applications such as garbage trucks and UPS and mail vehicles, for these are the duty cycles required to see real benefits from such systems.

Hydrogen
As of now there exists no commercially viable method of cleanly producing mass quantities of hydrogen, nor is storage of hydrogen with energy density equivalent to gasoline even remotely possible. None of this of course would matter should oil run up to about $200/barrel. The promise of a near-term hydrogen future is a lie.

Hydrogen Fuel Cells
Rundown: Hydrogen fuel cells are unreliable beyond a few thousand hours of use and require super expensive platinum as a catalyst. The dominant automotive technology, PEM (proton exchange membrane) fuel cells are delicate and require highly pure hydrogen, operable only within the temperature range of water (0 – 100 Celsius) Worse, the often neglected, NASA pioneered Alkaline Fuel Cell (AFC) which is better suited to the demands of an automobile, has been virtually wiped out by the empty PEM promises of a Canadian company (Ballard Fuel Cells) in the early 90s. Fuel cells continue to be expensive because while they’re “hand assembled by PhDs” materials ain't cheap either, such as DOW’s proprietary Nafion (a necessary piece of EVERY PEM fuel cell) trademark for which has yet to expire.

Outlook: Hold your breath, I dare you.

Hydrogen ICE (Internal Combustion Engine)
Rundown: When BMW announced the release of their duel fuel (hydrogen/gasoline) burning 7-series, they were pretty up front about it being a segue way technology. This way, without an outright commitment to a costly technology, the Germans can simultaneously spur the development of infant hydrogen infrastructure, test public demand for a “clean” vehicle and basically dip their tow into the hydrogen ocean. Unfortunately, as we’ve seen, cars with an abundance of technology and redundant systems are complex and costly. Not to mention that this tuned-down 12 (or was it 10?) cylinder engine only pumps out some 250ish horses. Worst of all, no one is paying attention to the fact that some 99.999999% of the hydrogen used will come from reformed natural gas (a heating fuel already in high price and demand- thanks Russia). So not only are we starting with a hydrocarbon, but we’re then reforming it (energy intensive with CO-based emissions) compressing and liquefying it (energy intensive AGAIN) and then burning it in a combustion engine with a thermally-based Carnot efficiency limit of some 40%. This is the fuel equivalent of burning $100 bills to clean out your chimney,

Outlook: Like banging a fat chick when times are rough, let us never speak of this perhaps necessary evil again, no matter how enjoyable or un-enjoyable it is.

The Electric Car
Rundown: The red-headed step child of the auto industry, the electric car is the greatest idea that nobody wants. Or at least that no one admits to wanting. Grid-charged battery storage is the most efficient way to transfer and use energy, even when considering the impact of coal power plants. Plus is takes two problems (car pollution and power generation pollution) and puts them into one basket (if all local commuting is done with electric cars, the majority of vehicle pollution AND all energy generation pollution can both be cleaned up by funding new ways to generate electricity... But darn it, I can’t think of any clean energy ideas with this stupid wind blowing in my face and this relentless sun pounding my forehead. I need a drink) With this method we have no oil, no anti-freeze, no gas, no catalytic converter (full of toxic emissions it collected) no transmission fluid, and probably no power steering fluid to deal with, and did I mention my company’s batteries are easily recyclable? Of course, electricity is hard to store in large quantities just like anything else (again, energy densities aren’t even close to gasoline) but the point is, if you can make it to work and back, and maybe to the gentleman’s club afterward, you’ll be good for 80% of your driving, you typical American, you. Besides, since most families have two or three cars anyway, you (and I) can still keep the 400hp GTO.

Outlook: In the tomorrow land, bank on seeing a nice mix of pure electric cars, and something like the volt below:

GM Volt
This is the greatest idea that most of us have known about all along: Pure electric to run short commutes with and gas or diesel engine to charge the batteries on longer drives. Not as simple as a pure electric car, but still very elegant, requiring only one drive train. This is backyard technology and I’ve often talked about doing the same with the Fiat- all electric with a small weed whacker engine or something for heat or extra electricity or added noise should I bore of the silent and clean operation.

The point is, until there is a tangible economic cost associated with pollution (read: carbon tax, sharp spike in the price of oil, more war in the middle east, etc) it will be impossible to displace the existing cheap and convenient hydrocarbon establishment.

i feel better

found here: http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/filing.191.html

Michigan wins again. Forever.

nostalgia (subtitle: tastes like burning)

I have a book under my bed that will hold something like 100 CDs. It's filled with computer discs; mostly burned media from college and old cracked computer programs such as AOE2 and WIN 98. Now that I've taken a semester off and officially resigned from formula car, (a result of my typical work day requiring 13-14 hours of my life) my weekends are actually pretty open. And since I'm in the middle of a paycheck-drought that comes with starting any new job, I've been catching up on my book-keeping. I've uncovered some pretty interesting stuff.

The first interesting archaeological find was my original MP3 collection, backed up onto two standard (not even the 700meg version) CDs. Those discs, burned in the first half of 1999 don't really compare to the 8739 songs composing 39.57 gigs on the imac right now... It's pretty amazing to think about those few precious songs that were listened to again and again in that cramped dorm room, often interrupted by a CD or two to break the monotony. Of course today, I've not yet even listened to half of the songs polluting my hard drive.

I found another sics that simply said "pics" and had material ranging from life in the dorms to a series of images from Sep 11.


Just another anonymous interviewee for the lode...


Kids today think they're tough. Rat-soup eatin muther fuckers.


And finally, I've included this because it makes me happy.


Remember when we tried to recreate this picture with just guys and we'd be standing on a snow bank with strategically placed discs? Yeah, the logistics, perhaps for good reason, never worked out on that one.


I also found all my photos from my "The Lode" days. Any one remember when the drag show came to tech? And we all pre-drank and then sneeked flasks into the show? And then we made out with those hot chicks who said they were only in town to see the show? (damn, even the drag-queens were unusually ugly at tech)


After reviewing the data, that drag show attracted a LOT of chicks (or alleged chicks) to the audience. It should have been a lot easier to scam some hoes there... but there's always that question in the back of your head.


And remember when i met that woman from Calumet and she asked me to take some pictures of her for a music CD cover? She insisted on paying me as well as giving me a copy of her CD which was, to this day, the WORST music i have ever heard. I kind of want to die just thinking about it. That CD was included free with the purchase of the caddy.


Keep in mind she designed all aspects of this shoot- I just made the clicks


Speaking of the caddy... If any object can, that car truly embodies the care-free, over the top days of college/past. Neary a conversation of the "long ago" comes up where someone doesn't bring up the caddy.


What can i say?


Likewise, there were the absurd Photo assignments. Like the rock-climbing club.


Remember when Scott got tough after high school?


Do you know how you get those awesome shots way up in the air? You take you camera gear and you climb that god damned wall.




And remember the "driving with a cell phone" assignment? Never mind the fact that there was only about 10 cell phones in Houghton at the time. (I of course had two of them) So how do you take a picture that demonstrates driving and cell-ing?


Dan the Man. The open road seen on his glasses seen on the mirror. Deep.

Two things to note about these pictures: 1) Wildman HATES cell phones and talking in general. This is, in come bizarr-O way, why he made the best candidate. 2) everything of interest in these photos (The car, the glasses, the phone and the monkey) were mine. P-I-M-P.



I always described the inside of the Caddy as "two recliners and a love seat." How did I NOT get more action back then?


And carnival... oh carnival.



another UN-STAGED photo for The Lode. Oh Dave.



And then that chick set herself on fire for me. (note: all donations go to red cross. i-RON-eee)


Finally, i present my only documented data that proves chicks dig cameras (and possible guys behind them) I encountered this chick around 2am of all nighter while shooting the crowd and she immediately put her face in the camera and stood on the button. She looks bent over because the camera was hanging around my neck and i was in the middle of a conversation with someone else- i think she was a friend of the person i knew. Three things are obvious to me now: She was wicked drunk, she loved to be in front of the camera and I was a fool.











Sigh. That's enough for one day. Some pictures i omitted for time: A picture of Mully taking a picture of girls dancing on our bar. (very surreal) Later, i would test that bar for integrity. Also, a picture of Lee's Hardcore-metal-godhead-little girl-dating-roommate. Also a picture of The Scotts and Katie. (mmf action at it's best)

.
.
.


Edit: Oh Your Gods! I was reviewing the pics of that drunk chick and i just realized: in the second to last picture, one can clearly see the white Mr. T who I believe i had just been talking to previously. His photo can be seen here




.
.
.

Edit: Upon further review, I think that's Sarah and some dude who ISN'T the white Mr. T in the background of that picture, but just looks like him from the chin down. I'm leaving the picture up there anyway.

yo mamma

HOW TO ARGUE EFFECTIVELY against CHESTOCRATES
by the great Sophist

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win any argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You can win arguments too. Simply follow these rules:

*Drink Liquor
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

*Make Things Up.
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

*Use Meaningless By Weighty-Sounding Words and Phrases.
Memorize this list:
- Let me put it this way
- In terms of
- Vis-a-vis
- Per se
- As it were
- Qua
- So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
Here's how you use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way: In terms of appetizers, vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge a statement like that.

*Use Snappy and Irrelevant Comebacks.
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. They best are:
- You're begging the question.
- You're bing defensive.
- Don't compare apples to oranges.
- What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE BEING LINEAR.
Here's how you use your combacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa
You say: You're being defensive.

*Compare Your Opponent to Adolf Hitler.
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularyly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds something suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler would say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Don't try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

wadi chu zay?

yesterday at work someone commented on a shotty effort by noting "it's not like we're building Fiats here."

i don't think anyone goes here anymore.

(i bit his ears off)

first day recap

Step zero: wake up at 6am, drive north for 40 miles, 8am arrive at work.

I can see clearly now that locating my primary forces in a more northerly position will be key to my world dominance. Or morning commute. I can't remember.

Step one: First things first: Safety meeting.

It is highly important to not put tongues, fingers and penises into certain machines. Turns out we get a free set of Redwing Steal Toe shoes each year. All large tow pinching objects as well as various deserving asses better watch out.

Step two: Team meeting.

In a group of 6, I'm not the only new guy. Also, it's strange to be around so many people who are generally interested in their work.

Step three: Group meeting

Turns out we got the new GM account, but those bastards over at the competition are still barking up our heels. Stay tight men!

Step four: I have a cube, phone and computer

Another laptop? I'm going to build a fort with my computers

Step five: We go out for a Team lunch.

Turns out my boss and coworkers are way into forced induction cars, AWD cars and cars that combine the best of those worlds. To give perspective, in an hour lunch car talk session, not once did muscle cars come up.

insert several steps here. In the end i didn't get out of the office until about 6pm. I could have left earlier but got caught up with my boss talking about electric RC cars (1/8th v 1/10th scale) , li-po battery packs and what brand of brushless motor is best.

Step alpha: Lay in bed and watch cartoonish but timeless space scenes of The Last Star Fighter.

Kodan Officer: She won't answer the helm! We're locked into the moon's gravitational pull. What do we do?
[sound of Lord Kril's eyepiece swinging over left eye]
Lord Kril: We die.

friggin sweet

i used to watch these two British chumps when i was a younger lad- kind of like a precursor to Myth Busters. Here's a great episode about combustion engines.

The rest can be found here.

oh your gods

1) how have i not seen this?

2) how do I get the girls in the previous link into a porn? (I'll see YOU in 2008)

time to update my AA skills

i was prepared to be enslaved by the chimps or ants, but not the super intelligent birds.

C'est la vie

consumption based recreation

As of late, there seems to be a bit of social thinking done along the lines of consumption-based recreation. The theory goes a little something like this: in faster-paced and more consumption oriented societies (such as ours) recreation becomes an extension of ones lifestyle. In this way, one would likely feel the need to "super size and Too Faster Too Furiouser" their free time. This is why your typical whoever can't have a good time unless they're going 70 mph on a jet boat circling their island cottage with their expensive sunglasses and their novelty light up jester hat, whilst every waking moment of their weekend needs to be spent not enjoying the smells of this or that but instead cramming as much activity as impossible.

This is where it gets interesting. As the middle class goes the way of the dodo and dual downdraft side carbs, the masses will no longer, overall, be able to afford the in your face, plastic trinket vacations and recreations of yore. This means an adjustment of sorts will be required for the reality (you can only afford to go sit on a beach and think about rocks) to catch up with the fantasy (jet truck melt down). The europeans, as you may or may not know, value free time and general chillaxin a little more than your typical yankee doodle and already, (again, overall) spend more time sitting on beaches than trying to amateur-pilot this or that. This could be because their economy down turned years ago, their values were never quite as consumption oriented, or even because their beaches are mostly topless/nude and their people mostly not obese slobs (sorry- i could be getting a bit preachy here).

But seriously folks... Nude wheel barrel races? Why would you do that? And who would take a picture? And why would someone publish that on the internet? And link to it?

(sometimes there are no answers)

It begins anew

it is 007 and not even worth commenting on the relentless march of time. One week to go before starting the new job. I'm in search of an apartment and as ridiculous as it may sound to some of you, i'm actually looking at places in the "nice part" of metro Detroit.

on a related note, apparently Detroit does not get snow anymore. This could be useful if i decide to pull the trigger on one of those 400hp/400tq '06 GTOs that my friendly local pontiac dealer let me test drive last week. It's an odd feeling knowing in that car that at any speed, in any gear and at any RPM, you can hit the gas and instantly feel like you're falling face-first off a building. In the end, it's mostly just a day dream though, since follow through would likely end up with me dead, in prison, broke, or some combination of the three.

I recommend buying this car to anyone. The 2002 always had terrific handling and in this instance, the original low output single-carb engine was replaced with an EFI, moderate-power version. As well, the "standard for the era" 4-speed was swapped for a 5-speed. No sir, no problem getting chicks to bang or gear-heads to drool with this black beauty. (my birthday is in August). Regardless, any used, running bimmer will fetch a couple grand simply because of their stupid levels of reliability. I'd figure this to grab 8 to 10k.

All this recent time off work has allowed be to reconnect with my training. I feel my power growing stronger everyday.

"I'm sorry you didn't get the Derelicte campaign, Hanzel"
"you can dere-lick my balls, el capitan"



Yeah, this year is gonna be pretty sweet. I can feel it.

("dude, are you being serious or sarcastic?"
"I don't even know anymore")

detroit xmas memoirs

Xmas has proved to be an infinite source of gossip-able goings on yet again.

Got me a torque wrench, box wrench set and tire iron, as well as some legos and a nerf sniper rifle. (watch your back nerf men who happen within 15-25 feet of my room)

Now to spend two weeks off work while laughing my way all the way to the bank.

In case you live in a box...

...and haven't seen this yet:



(watch out for dicks in that box)

This makes me laugh:

STATE SECRETS!!!
(why doesn't my celly work?)

should be studying

interesting take on life. (don't forget to hit "next" at the bottom of each page)

crazy bastard. Maybe someone here knows him.

look closely here and here from the latest shuttle mission. NASA is pro ipod.

Also, if you're this guy, you've probably got a lot of stories like this.

Gift Giving Ideas

There's an old saying that goes: You don't give a chef a cook book. (or then again, maybe i just made it up- hard to say exactly). Regardless, the theory is, if the gift recipient in question is a professional/hard core hobbiest at activity X, they likely have all the necessary required gear and are particularly picky when it comes to wares relating to said activity.

for example:
Nestorius: Don't bother buying him those aviator sun-glasses or spare propellers.
Chest: He'll choose his own implements of death based on a multi-point consideration of factors such as handiness, effectiveness, and self-urination-inducing-ness.
Munkey Stephens: Has plenty of antennas, military contracts and plush monkeys
Wildman: No need- He's married now and doesn't feel ways about things anyhow...

I think that's enough people for now and I've probably gotten myself into enough trouble anyhow. After making that list and reflecting on this group of misfits, I realized there's a glaring exception to this rule, which is professional drinkers would always appreciate more booze.

Consumers need to consume (it's an old saying, from way back, i suspect...)

Good luck with your missions.

Nerf Justice! (subtitle: i am your god now)

look here.

I asked for one of these months ago, when i first sauntered into a Toy's 'R Us one rare weekend with little do.

Trying to fill the hole in my soul, I bought each of my nieces and nephews one of these fuly auto, two clip, air powered death machines for Xmas. (...and there was a fire fight!)

Just picture three juveniles of justice stalking 'round the xmas tree the morning of the 25th. Their combined fire power will be equal to that of some smaller (less gun-friendly) nations. (assuming of course one nerf bullet were to equal one real bullet) The problem is i need something with which to defend myself; that's where the sniper rifle comes into play- It's time for their older, wiser uncle to teach them the worth of a single well placed nerf round. Of justice.

back to links

Also, Ann Coulter gets predictably served by a liberal media host.



I really want a Wii now, but refuse to wait or camp in any sort of line to get it.

Yesterday I informed my boss (in a much more civil manner than described here) that he can take my job and come the end of the working year, he can tuuuurn that sumbitch sideways, and he can shove it up his candy ass. (jabroni)



Today, he says to me: what if our company which we currently work for but you are contract while I am full time, were to offer you a full time position in our hybrid vehicle development program? Would you stay? (background: my boss has always known that my only reason for working where i work was the desperate hope that one day they'd convert me to a full time, i.e. non-contract employee and let me work on hybrid or electric cars. I've always made that known. But apparently when he told HIS boss about my departure, she was so gosh darned determined to keep me, she probably said "what does he want to stay?" And big boss man searched the depths of his cranial being and came to the conclusion that HEVs was for Mes. Bigger Boss Lady then decided she could make that happen and asked him to throw it back at me. Wow, that was a long "background") Anyway, I'm always shocked at the depths of planing and goings-on, like gears and mechanisms that are always churning just out of site. Anyway, it's all just idle talk right now, and as good an offer as it seems, it cant beat what i got lined up for the beginning of next year

Update

Doc says I'm suffering from allergies. The bad news, which no one came out and said but I inferred by reading between the lines of dialog is that you can't really treat allergies, just the symptoms. Incidently, what kind of young, attractive, female doctor wears knee-high black leather boots and a plaid skirt underneath her doctor's cloak, which ends somewhere well above her knees? At least well, you know, why waste it at the office...

On my way out I accepted a prescription but declined a super-dose shot to kick off the treatment, because I'm a big fat baby around needles. The doc then complained that i hadn't had a physical in something like a decade (apparently taking your shirt off and making the wind blow trough the tree-muscles doesn't pass as a physical anymore) and told me to come back. I'm going to consider it a second date.

It's not easy being green

Alas,

Here I am blogging at 9am. Turns out what was a small and uncoordinated invading force of head-cold insurgents, turned out to have a "flu-like" strike force of elite delta force solders when called in for back-up. The interesting twist (which there always is, otherwise why would you write about nothing?) is that i actually wanted to at work today so as to tender my resignation.

It's hard to feel guilty about things like "wasted energy and water" when the only place in the word you want to be is at the bottom of the tub while steaming, massaging water rains down from above, creating a steamy, jungle-esq, nasal-clearing utopia. That is until the water stops coming out warm. For some reason, it all very much reminded me of my 21st birthday.

But i digress.
Turns out if you weren't raised in south-eastern Michigan, you really have no reason to buy a Detroit car. I always knew this was basically true, but it was driven home again after talking to a friend who was looking for a new car. Turns out if your criteria for major life purchases include things like 1) resale value 2) safety 3) price and 4) fuel economy, then the big three have no place in your heart. In fact, said friend even had access to "employee discounts" (which, again, if you live here, you can get any of the major three at an "employee discount") and he still wasn't interested. In that case, who buys these cars? My theory is that the entire U.S. auto industry is supported for the most part by one major group: employees/family of the companies that make these cars

(i wish i could breath)

Munkey Stephens wuz here!

i can't feel feelings

I'm trying to type this as quickly as possible, as I've recently eaten some pills (allergy/sinus pills to be exact) and I can literally feel the detached head/slow-thought/drowsiness overtaking me. Damn my susceptibility to Benedryll.

But i digress. We saw the new Bond flick last night and i was impressed to see they managed to blend classic, Birtish, Bond-esq shenanigans with the old, leathery, tattered American background story of the hard-ass chief that won't let his (or her) men get the job done the way they seem fit. All that damn chief cares about is the mayor's breathing down his (or her) neck and the damn press always seems to have the perfect photo of police brutality. (God dammit Bond, get out of my office; you're off the case.) It might be late to announce this now, but I'm not going to worry about spoiling it for anyone, because i figure we see Bond movies for the shiny colors and not so much the plot twists.

Also i should mention, there's no nudity but there is at least one vague reference to mutual masturbation, not to mention a real torture scene- And I'm not just talking about some dude tying Bond up over a laser-powered toaster oven and watching while the bread ever so slowly darkens.

(I'm having a hard time typing... fingers... feel so sluggish.)

In all, I learned three things from this movie. 1) Always back your car into a parking spot because when the shit jumps off you don't want to have to be turning your ass around. 2) No matter how many push-ups and sit-ups they do, the British will always look goofy. And 3) Should you choose to patron a theater that sells beer, plan on leaving the flick at least twice to empty your bladder.

Speaking of beer, I've been spending my days at the Wayne State Library working on my 50 page term paper, and happen to run into one of my classmates. Since it was Saturday and i was in comfort mode, I was wearing an old tattered MTU shirt, which said classmate happen to comment on. The conversation went something like this:

a: So what was it like up there?
b: i like to think of it as a shared traumatic experience
a: it is true what the say about the girls?
b: you'd be surprised what you can accomplish without the distraction of women (cries a little inside)
a: so i guess if you're a real techy, you should be able to drink us all under the table, right? (motioning haphazardly to himself, his project-partner, the homeless guy next to them and about 8 foreign dudes)
b: let's rock this

As I looked out upon the corpses in the library that day, their hearts slowly beating their last beats as blood in their veins was displaced by alcohol, I realized something: People are going to look at me as half god, half alcoholic, half gay for the rest of my life, all based on my college of undergrad. And that's a lot of halfs.

Of course, on the other hand, you have different fingers. Neither of which can feel my face.

my sins

Grad school is the suxor. I'm sitting at the coffee shop absorbing free internets and working on whats quickly becoming a 10k word paper on the nature of absorbed hydrogen storage devices. Here's a little taste:

method of catalyst introduction has proven critical in hydrogen absorption and desorption rates. It is a universal practiced that all catalysts/hydride mixtures are combined under an atmosphere of argon to prevent poisoning from additives such as water to prevent oxidation of reactive materials. Initial catalytic doping performed by Bogdanovic, et al was carried out by recystallization of a solution suspended NaAlH₄ with soluble titanium compounds. This initial “wet doped” material, was hydrogen cycle-able at ~150 °C and much preferable to pure sodium aluminum hydride, seen in figure XXX below. However, by “dry doping” the alanate crystalline solid host by mechanically mixing a titanium catalyst proved to lower desorption activation temperature to ~120 °C [6]

I was so bore/desperate to avoid actual work, that I started reading my old blog entries from the 04's. I was pretty dissapointed to see that my work has devolved from this largely amusing and yet par for the day explosion of verbosity to what you've forced yourself to read for the last months; a hodgepodge of mediocre links and staccato ramblings, just barely on the happy side of "sentence fragment."

I shall do my best to amend this crime against the elite world of bloggers, never again forgetting the blogger's motto: When in doubt, show some celebrity cooter! (click for ginomous version)



(it should be noted that i am also acting as a responsible member of the internet community by hosting this picture my damn self after spending at LEAST 4 minutes searching it out, which we all know is life time in "teh internets" world. Damn bandwidth exceeders. Also, yay cooter.)