The Witch, the Goblin and the Mystery Soup.

What follows is a poorly formated attempt to describe just a small micro-chasm of the many events that took place this weekend. The hilarity lies not only in the story, but in an attempt to tell it via a corporate messenger program (think AOL-ish) that is ripe with naughty-word seeking bots that are hot for certain words. The more i explain the less funny it gets... (all that is needed to know is chicken dinner has previously been equated to sex)

Co-Worker (How many rounds have you fired, and how often have you cleaned it?)

Me 75 rounds between three of us in one weekend up north

Me cleaned it once during the weekend and once again after

Co-Worker Isn't cleaning the firearm a good time?

Me eh.. kind of a lot of work with such a long barrell

Co-Worker Wait. Isn't that what she said?

Me ZING!

Me (i can't believe i didn't even see that coming... i think i'm slipping)

Me so if i were to mention fried chicken dinner, you'd know what i meant, right?

Co-Worker probably. Let me think about it.

Me (stay with me)

Me if i were to add "non-traditional methods of engagement" would you have an idea?

Co-Worker Yes.

Me think... rear

Co-Worker Yes. I got ya loud and clear.

Me right

Me corporate-safe ingo

Me lingo

Me so we're at the party and it's about 2ish.. going real strong

Me the garage is the designated "cool off, relax, chill, smoking" area

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is there with me and my old housemate and my old housemate’s g/f and i think h and my housemate, etc...

Me the a for mentioned topic arises in conversation

Me still with me?

Co-Worker yes

Co-Worker (I'm not that dim)

Me i know-

Me it's cryptic

Me more history-

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) disappeared earlier for about 2 hours with My housemate's g/f's roommate

Me "the witch" we'll call her because of costume

Co-Worker right.

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) and former housemate’s g/f are debating the earlier topic

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is against

Me strongly

Me we're sitting and he has to stand to make his point

Me not ever has, not ever will

Me engage

Me she's like, you know, getting real graphic and medical with her explanation of why it works just fine, whatever

Co-Worker (shame)

Me (the witch was in the garage also)

Me later that night

Me the witch

Me she's like, i couldn't understand why he would say that

Me since, you know, earlier, that's what went on

Co-Worker ha ha ha

Me he just, you know, didn't know

Co-Worker (how can you not?)

Me she's like "i figured he was into it so i just rolled with it"

Me (how can you not, indeed)

Co-Worker That's hilarious.

Me so of course, morning after, we're like, "so, My friend from a far (primary Character)..."

Me about your tirade on certain acts...

Me To My friend from a far (primary Character)'s credit he took the joking at his expense quite well, admitting in his life of living such an error had likely occurred once or twice... Though i'm not sure how i feel about that since, ya know... whatever...

Me (note your earlier comment)

Co-Worker I digress: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW

Co-Worker although digress is the wrong word to use.

Co-Worker The strategy for eating fried chicken is completely different. Different methods must be used to ensure that you create the least food waste or mess.

Me you're saying... when you sit down to dine... you know what to expect based on what's on the plate?

Me and prepare accordingly?

Me but should you expect ribs and discover soup, you'd immediately recognize your fork is not working out so well?

Me (what?)

Co-Worker Yes, exactly.

Me well, i hate to say it...

Co-Worker Because soup is eaten and enjoyed in a completely different manner than ribs.

Co-Worker you can't rush into eating soup because often it's too warm.

Me but i think the real examination of "character" should be laid upon the witch

Me EXACTLY

Me that was the turn of phrase

Me we needed

Me whilst ribs can be enjoyed almost immediately

Co-Worker Exactly.

Co-Worker I agree we're judging the witch.

Me exactly

Me i mean... what's going on there?

Me where it's just like... you know, soup and ribs are interchangeable?

Co-Worker does she have soup every day and ribs every evening for dinner?

Me no- because here's the thing

Co-Worker Most people I know that aren't accustomed to soup on a regular basis throw up a fuss when it's delivered.

Me lol

Co-Worker "waiter, I didn't want soup!"

Me everybody wants soup

Me they just might not know it

Co-Worker They just don't know it.

Co-Worker Right.

Me how do you convince someone they want soup?

Me force feed them? haven't we moved beyond that?

Me (i'm not even sure if i have to apologize for that joke because it was so vague)

Me anyway- here's the thing

Me this whole engagement was predetermined because the witch hadn't had any type of chicken for some time.

Me and was pretty much a shoe-in for this dinner

Co-Worker Yikes.

Co-Worker Did the witch reflect someone who had eaten her fair share of meals (dual meanings here)

Me no to the literal and not sure to the metaphorical

Co-Worker So there wasn't a logical reason she hadn't had a chicken dinner in 1.5 years.

Me yeah, i'm not sure about that... odd since she sat down to dine with My friend from a far (primary Character) with no advance plans

Me clearly reservations aren't required at her restaurant

Co-Worker I guess not.

Me perhaps the world will never know the mystery of the witch, the goblin and the soup

Co-Worker Indeed.

Co-Worker IN a last point not to poke fun at the goblin yet hard to be avoided: perhaps the reason he didn't know is that the serving utensil was underwhelming and not effective at eating the fried chicken?

Me hmmm... i hate to think that was the case

Me i think the goblin would have much lower self esteem if he were vastly under equipped to enjoy a fine meal

Me I'm not saying i have direct knowledge of what's in the picnic basket

Me but i've heard stories that would seem to indicate otherwise

Me I'll ask the witch

Me (through other people)

Co-Worker Right, often times the degradation of the quality of meal would require either a large piece of chicken or a small fork.

Me right

Me (knife)

Co-Worker Again, I place the onus of the blame on the witch.

Me wait!

Me perhaps there was second shooter?

Me in the bushes

Co-Worker yes.

Me i can't believe i didn't think of that

Me of course the witch should know how many people are at the table

Co-Worker Yes.

Me this conversation has made my monday much better

Co-Worker heh.

Co-Worker I'm not looking forward to my night.

Me no soup for you?

Co-Worker She's still laid out with fever and cough and sore throat.

Co-Worker Plus I have about 5 hours of homework to do.

Me boo

Co-Worker Agreed.

Me speaking of which, (witch?) i have to go to class

Co-Worker Enjoy. Watch out for the fried chicken. It's delicious.

Me all i hear in my head when i read that is the Dave Chappelle joke about fried chicken (literal)

Co-Worker Agreed.

Co-Worker "Turns out I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken"

Me I may blog this conversation

Me should certain parties agree to it

Me with names removed

Co-Worker Of course.

Me it might win me a prize of some type

Co-Worker perhaps a fried chicken dinner?

Me perhaps

Me i'll call the witch

Me solve the mytery of the soup

Me (old man Jenkins?)

Co-Worker yes

Me (he would have gotten away with it, too... if not for the meddling kids)

Co-Worker Thank you Wayne's World.

Me no, thank YOU, My friend from a far (primary Character)

Co-Worker indeed.

Me catch you tomorrow

Co-Worker likely.

damn that smelled good

mean gene

Gene.

campus watch

To All Wayne State University Students, Staff and Faculty,

In This Issue:

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats
2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats:

- Crimes Reported on the Wayne State University Campus -

September 2006 Jan-Sept. 2006 Jan-Sept. 2005

Homicide 0 0 0

Forcible Sex Offenses 3 7 2

Non-Forcible Sex Offenses 0 0 0

Robbery 0 5 7

Aggravated Assault 2 7 3

Burglary 9 71 87

Larceny 24 321 345

Vehicle Theft 3 21 22

Arson 0 1 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary:

FORCIBLE SEX OFFENSES: Three incidents of forcible fondlings were reported on September 12, 2006. All three incidents were perpetrated by the same non-WSU subjects who were arrested by WSUPD and subsequently charged by the Wayne County Prosecutors Office.
The first incident occurred at The Towers at approximately 12 midnight when the three subjects knocked on a residents door. The three female room occupants answered the door. The three male subjects walked in and asked, "Did anyone order some strippers?". The three female occupants thought the incident was a prank and replied, "No". At that point, one of the male subjects fondled two of the female residents. The subjects then left the room when two RA's approached due to the loud noises. None of the female students was injured.
While WSUPD Officers were investigating this incident, a second similar incident was reported at the South Residence Hall. In this second incident, a female resident reported she heard a knock at her door and when she opened it, three unknown males quickly entered without her permission. The subjects demanded the resident go downstairs to the front desk and sign them "in" as guests. The student refused and one of the subjects fondled her before leaving her room. The student was not injured.
Officers at the Towers scene were advised of this second incident at South Hall and responded. On their arrival at South Hall they spotted one of the subjects outside the building. A foot chase ensued and the subject was apprehended. Officers then began an area search, locating the second subject inside a nearby vehicle. The third subject was later found inside a gas station at Woodward and E. Palmer.
All three subjects were arrested and charged with Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct. The South Hall complainant refused to prosecute and no charges were brought against any of the subjects for the South Hall incident. Two Complainants from the first incident at the Towers did prosecute and subsequently identified their assailants. These subjects have been bound over for trial on Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct charges. Their cases are proceeding through the Wayne County Court system.
Two of the arrested subjects have no WSU affiliation. The third subject is a former WSU student with no current connection to WSU.
All WSU Housing residents are reminded to never open your door to anyone you do not know. Always look through the peep hole and ask who the person is. If you do not know the person, keep your door closed/locked and call the front desk and/or WSUPD at 577-2222

AGGRAVATED ASSAULT: On September 17, 2006, at approximately 1:00 am, a resident of South Hall reported that he and his girlfriend had just left South Hall when they were assaulted by four males sitting in front of the South Residence Hall. The victims state they were walking across Anthony Wayne Drive and had reached the grass median, when the female was hit in the back with a thrown rock. The male student immediately turned around to see who had thrown the rock when he was struck in the face and shoulder with four thrown rocks. At that point four male subjects, sitting on the 'knee wall' in front of the South Residence Hall scattered in different directions. An area search failed to locate these subjects. The male student and his girlfriend were not seriously injured.
A formal crime prevention recommendation has been made to remove the landscape rocks surrounding Ghafari and South Residence Halls.

BURGLARY: Eight (8) incidents of Burglary, Attempted Burglary or Entry Without Force were reported during September 2006. The locations involved were the Engineering building (2 incidents), Old Main (2 incidents), The Towers and South Hall (see Sex Offenses above), Ghafari Hall and the parking booth at WSU Lot 13.

LARCENY: Twenty-four incidents of larceny (the theft of unattended property) were reported during September 2006. The building with the highest rate of larceny, during September 2006, was the Adamany Undergraduate Library with 4 incidents.

VEHICLE THEFT: Three vehicles were reported stolen from WSU parking facilities during September. On September 5th, a 1995 Geo Prism was reported missing from the third level of Parking Structure #3. On September 10th, a 1997 Mercury Grand Marquis was found missing from WSU Lot 30 at the Football Field. On September 12th, a 2000 Chevrolet Monte Carlo was reported stolen from level three of Parking Structure # 2.

Near campus vehicle thefts reported to WSUPD, during September, include:

Sept. 3rd Third and Prentis 1985 Toyota 4 dr
Sept. 6th Anthony Wayne N/O Warren 1998 Plymouth Voyager Mini Van
Sept. 11th Warren at S/B Lodge SD 2000 Jeep
Sept. 12th Third S/O Prentis 1999 Chrysler Cirrus 4 dr
Sept. 13th Cass at Prentis 2002 Dodge Ram Pick Up
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 2002 Lincoln Town Car
Sept. 16th Palmer E/o Brush 1998 Jeep Cherokee 4 dr
Sept. 18th Warren E/O Trumbull 1995 Dodge Spirit 4 dr
Sept. 19th W. Forest at Second 1998 Chevrolet Malibu 4 dr
Sept. 21st Lot at 80 E. Hancock 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 23rd Canfield W/O Cass 2002 Dodge Stratus 4 dr
Sept. 25th Kirby W/O Woodward 2003 Chevrolet Cavalier 4 dr

grrrr

Who's your Tiger?

Also, i can't believe this is still active. Note the people who were interviewed. Someone wasn't trying very hard.

we're all beautiful inside

only some of us are getting laid on the outside

everyday i'm hustlin

I have finally managed to lasso enough free time to update the world on my exciting life, full of fast cars and faster women. See, the problem with grad school is its trickiness. You don’t realize how much times its thieving away, (thieving like a drunken tooth fairy) until you try to do the things you used to do- like take random weekend trips up north, following by another trip to your buddy Wildman’s wedding. Then, when you return from your second weekend away from home, it requires 72 hours of fevered rushing around before you get to enjoy a meal sitting down or indulge in more than 4 hours sleep.

The good news is, Wildman’s wedding (open house, technically) was a hella good time. As every gathering involving two or more Tech alum, this mini-carnival featured ungodly amounts of booze, exaggerated accounts of the trails walked since graduation, a fair amount of remembering the past, some ogling of (but little direct contact with) the ladies, inter-dimensional portals, mad dance moves and some food that was probably really good but really just there to hold down the booze.

The weekend began and ended for the Pelvic Queen and I with a 10 hour drive. Of course the dreadful road home is never as bright when you don’t have that “I took the day off work and slept in and now I’m gonna drive a great distance for a good time” feeling you get when you’re first packing up the car.

It seems futile to account the events in detail, since if you were there, you were there; If you weren’t but you’re reading this, you’ve partied with us before and know what to expect; If you fall into a mysterious third category, you’re invited to our Halloween party- it’ll be kicking. The only part that should be noted is the whole, you know, Detroit Tigers sweeping the Oakland A’s to take the MLB pennant (and even make the play-offs) for the first time since 1984. Of course I had a ticket to game 4 which I had to turn down for the out of state events. And of course my friends made a point to call, text and scream loudly as often as they could to remind me of one simple thing: They were enjoying the city wide celebration nearly as much as they were enjoying rubbing it in that I wasn’t there. I’m sure Magglio’s walk off home run at the bottom of the ninth with the score tied and two outs won’t go down as the greatest moment in Detroit sports history. And the story about my roommates walking down Woodward with a giant Tiger’s flag, though based on actual events, was not all it was cracked up to be. I'm sure of it.

Zero to Ten round up:

Typing of The Dead: 9

Typing this account: 3

Al’s Sister: 8 (9 if she were single)

Chestocrate’s sister: Almost legal

My date: 10 (awww…)

Dan and Al: 10

Winona: 7 in actuality (10 in my memories of college)

Chicago Expressways: 2

Dirty dancing in front of someone else’s family: 7

Tiger’s clinching World Series: 10

$700-$2,500/ticket: 0

we're all fucked

Russia
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175630/site/newsweek/


Iraq:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15176583/site/newsweek/


That other country over there:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14729436/


Korea:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175633/site/newsweek/


Africa:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8489368


domestic:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15012088/


The only logical answer is to buy a shotty and stock up on 3 inchers

that's a hell of a nod

i've been polluting the net for near'y 10 years now. (mtu in 98 meant mp3s, 200k speeds and icq were the norm, while having a CD burner could be a source of income)

this has to be one of the top ten things i've ever seen, especially considering the other items from the list were likely lost in a drinking binge.

this is it.

(note: like all great things, this link contains nudity)

more science!

this is pretty creepy

Who knew they were already weeding people out with these genetic tests at birth? (should i even bother screaming gatica?) And how much longer will the american people stand by, before they demand the scientist cut me down in my prime, to extract the highly sought after "schlongus maximus" gene?

explained

marmaduke is dying.

very funny

mountain of a man

a little over the top, but good points all the same. Theslate.com has another, slightly more balanced opinion.

btw, clinton's hand's are bigger than walace's head. i would watch out if i were he.

Good use of descriptives

"The devil came here yesterday. He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world. In this very spot it smells like sulfur still."

—Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, speaking at the United Nations General Assembly, alluding to President George W. Bush’s appearance before the body the day before.

banksy

e'rybody knows that i do for my hood

My first activity of today brought me to a middle-school age city-league football game that my nephew was playing in (lost 8 - 18) As i walked, alone with my thoughts, to my car, i realized something was odd in the parking lot. There in that completely full high-school lot was not a single foreign-made automobile, as best i could see. The school was in Taylor, perhaps the most blue-collar city of a blue-collar metropolis. I also noticed that the back of the lot was filled with the work trucks, while the full-size sedans dominated the front of the lot; this I concluded was a result of the fathers- Their pick-ups, vans and a hodgepodge of trucks with ladders, tools and various company emblems on their doors and fenders- parking in the rear, arriving after the mother's and children had come to set up and prepare for the game. Exactly as my brother and his family had.

g-g-g- g unit

This week Ford announced they would cut 1/3 of their white-collar work force, offering buy-outs to some and chopping what's needed after that. What you won't hear in the media is about the average white-collar employee age at ford is several years younger than GM, which is why this round of cuts will be particularly painful compared to GM's. 14,000 professionals will be moving on with lives. Meanwhile, back at the struggle, every street-block (of ~15 houses) has at least 2 or 3 homes for sale. Multiply that by what's easily a hundred blocks in my neighborhood and you can start to understand what's happening here. See, while the white-collars predominately occupy the northern suburbs, here in the south-side, we're surrounded by the factory workers. Every one of the 75,000 union employees, many of whom who've been working erratic schedules, such as one week mandatory vacation per month, will be offered a retirement package, in an attempt to align the number of workers with what's needed to run a company with several fewer manufacturing plants.

Every day i'm hustling

There is a saying that says, "As Detroit goes, so goes the country." The feeling here... is off. Something is very off.

safety is an illusion

It is no measure of health to be sane in an insane society.

-- Krishnamurti

that's what she said

Sounds like the latest struggle party was crazier than all previously noted events. (i may have been in bed, passed out from a combination of some hopps-based liquid and the exhaustion of physical acts not mentioned in your god's book, to witness the alleged "breast suckling" that went on between the women of the party. whatever, i guess.) Here's the moral: bring cheap plasatic beads with you everywhere you go in life. And your dick.

"Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind."
--Sorates

Crikey!

the devil is in the details.

reminds me of an old issue of Christ Puncher

Also, Steve is dead.

On The Edge; that's where it all happens

So concludes both the summer and the week of free stuff: a party at the House of the Struggle. (tonight, food starts at 7)

This week some guy picked me off the annals of the internet and offered up a free fiat transmission and engine for a 79 spider (wait a minute- i have a 79 fiat spider) all I had to do was drive out and lug it home. Fast forward two days and my former ass-smacking roommate (still smacking asses, no longer a roommate) is leaving for NY and offers me his car for free. Same deal as before- pick it up and it's mine. Stos and I spent the evening in front of old Tigers Stadium on Michigan Ave in Detroit, trying to bring a Black '87 lincoln Continental to life. Picture the old college caddy, in black, with more graffiti. Later, we would run into the owner of the house that was "storing" the car in it's street. He would report, "my neighbor warned me that two white guys and a crack head were pushing the lincoln down the street."

Did i mention we paid a bum fifty cents to help us push it to the corner gas station? Because we did. After a drive back to the struggle, here's the tally: Brakes are shit, some lights are busted from a hit n' run and there's a huge exhaust leak from the emissions system. Also, it leaks power steering fluid. All the power steering fluid. And smells like it's on fire. But it's still got huge potential as a cruise. I'll be sure to post pictures of us in front of the stadium jumping the car.

Lastly, we can't forget the craziness that was last weekend. Remind me to tell you the story of the fabricated i-pod cable and how it earned us a free show. Best told in person, it's a moral about how engineer's skills can be handy in these alcohol fueled social situations.

Now we get to tonight. There's a chill in the air and the sun is hiding out, so our baby oil wrestling mat may not come into use. However, the slip-n-slide can still be set up down the main hall leading to my room. That’s where it all happens. On the edge.

booo!

I am saddened by the lack of response to my previous entry. what do i have to do to get a reaction from you freaks?

this makes me happy:

abandoned submarine base!

mailbag!

time to answer your burning questions

Q: how many people can fit into a late model grand am?
A: five chicks, a dude and me at the sticks, provided there's ample red LED lighting and Justin Timberlake on the cones.

Q: given the rising price of oil and middle eastern instability, what is the current exchange rate for and american played game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours?"
A: one cock = six breasts.

Q: how does the sophist observe his birthday?
A: the high life way.

holy shit

holy shit

this remnds,the fiat is running at about 80% right now- that mean's highway worthy and only leaking so much as to require fluid top-offs every 100 miles or so.

also, the carb is for shit

sold!

if anyone offers you a really good deal on a "new" BMW or Mazda, i'd watch out for foul play. It could be one of these cars.

http://echosphere.net/star_trek_icons/star_trek_icons.html

keep your head up

and watch yourself out there.

don't believe everything you see.

why?

no more cooking oil allowed in my house

this woman ruined it.

been busy

retro-fitting this to the fiat.

who you callin tony?

-newsweek

Now Rumsfeld and Bush, by pre-emptively launching a war, have undercut that lesson. Until recent events, the American and Israeli armies were generally judged the most advanced in the world. In the Arab world they were seen as all but invulnerable. Today the failures of those armies against Islamist guerrillas in Iraq and Lebanon have conveyed the very opposite of the message Bush wanted to send. If the current situation continues, with America bogged down in Iraq and Israel mired in its fight against Hizbullah, then the presumption of U.S-Israeli military invincibility--which has kept Arab extremists in place for decades--will be exposed as a myth. That could embolden Islamist radicals for a long time to come. Unless he is prepared to spend a lot more on his military, defense analysts say, the president who so badly wanted to project strength will be remembered mainly for projecting weakness.

wtf?

Look: if you're calculating your avergae total monthly solar insolation per meter squared PER DAY and trying to compare it compare it to a monthly solar radiation distributed through out the entire month per meter squared, you're fucked.

straight fucked.

miyagi?

miyagi-son, is that you?

what's your incident angle of terrestrial solar radiation?

like this

see, the case study's got me like this

[puts arm behind back]

and i'm all like this

[taps out]

but i need to be all like this

[reverses that shit]

and do this

[cross-face chicken-wings case study]

jackyl

Dirty Little Mind
Dirty Little Mind
Dirty Little Mind
Dirty Little Mind

Well I licked her clean from head to toe
I took her down for the count
And she was ready for more
And you know she's got a dirty little mind
The way she walks
The way she grooves
I got to strap her down to keep up with her moves
she's got a dirty little mind

She's got a dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty little mind
A dirty little mind

Stretched out in the night
What do I feel?
I feel so good it just can't be real
She's got a dirty little mind
Well she makes me smile, yeah she makes me glad
She's B.A.D.
Yeah man she's bad
And you know she's got a dirty little mind

She's got a dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty little mind
A dirty little mind

She's got a dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty little mind
A dirty little mind

And I know what she's thinking
Yes I know what's on her mind
You've got to know, my body's sinking into her mind
And I know she'll never let go
Cause I've got her on a stick stick stick stick...stick

She got a dirty little mind
A dirty little mind
She like the way they climb
She got a dirty mind
a dirty little mind
a dirty little mind
D I R T E E E
a dirty little mind
That's right
dirty little mind
Keep it up all night long

She's got a dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Dirty little mind
A dirty little mind

dirty little mind
dirty little mind
dirty little mind


billy idol gets it

I've got to get it together...

engineering case study?

I'm sick of these mutherfuckin snakes on this mutherfuckin plane.

redbull?


redbull!

REDBULL!!!!

huh?

the best part about this article is that the author and the people who were interviewed seem completely unmoved by the fact that the guy lifted the front of a camaro off another dude. The front, which is always the heaviest, of a car that is easilly 3500 lbs.

other than this brief story, i've been pouring 4 to 8 hours a day over the last 10 days into an engineering case study. It's the final.. something to my summer class. (sadly, my internal thesaurus juices are all used up)

yeah. i'm thinking this thing is easily going to top 40 pages of charts, graphs, figures and obscene drawings.

where am i?

I have nothing he wants!

sorry doesn't put humbs on the hand, Marge.

Huh...

Had the 4th's activities gone a little differently, this could have been us.

that would have been cool... except you know, we'd have gotten shot.

Also, have you people seen what's going on with myspace? I mean SERIOUSLY taken a look? I tried to block out all the news and media attention and even when the stories about little girls hooking up with random strangers busted, i resisted the urge to hop on. this right here is what that fox-owned site of 50 quadrillion users is propagating.

what the fuck? I feel dirty calling myself a blogger.

(sorry to the dude i linked to- he's kind of like in an indirect circle of known people)

WWIII

well, the pieces are falling nicely into place.

in this corner, the good guys: Well established countries looking to protect their interests. fat cats and "sophisticates," depending on who you ask.

In the home corner: Japan, Israel, The U.S., Germany, Canada, the United Kingdom and a spattering of tropical island-states with hot chicks. The U.S. after all owns all the countries it's aligned with, except maybe for Japan, but they have an interest in shmushing the missile threat from across the water.
missiles in your soup.

Excessive force?

i don't think so.

And in the visitor's corner, the rogue-states with nothing left to lose. The underrated and unrespected. Russia, China, North Korea, and Palestine, Iran, Egypt. Remember, Iran and China are newly best buds since the chinese need a big oil supplier and conveniently, the US doesn't much like to buy Iranian oil. Of course, it's hard to say what Iran will do in any situation, since they're basically the crazy guy running around with the hand grenade. Same with Russia- they've found a good customer in china, where as the "established" countries are only interested in reducing oil consumption.

Of course then there's india, which could be a big swing state for either side. Unfortunately, they're only interested in boosting their own economic status and could probably do just fine by themselves while we're destroying everything. If pushed to chose, they'd probably have to side with the economic super powers, unless they saw some overwhelming evidence that one side had a clear advantage over the other.

either way, this is cool.

we lose

they win

everything was better before

cut the power to the main circuits!

i can't sleep. I can't turn my brain off. can't stop thinking.

i'll distract myself with a photo blog from the week of the 4th. For more-better decriptions of the goings on, see here and here.


Once the Doctor was in town, we stopped for food. damn i could go for some gyros.



We went to a junk yard that had hundreds of aisles just like this one. It was heaven on earth, except there were fewer sluts that i expected in heaven. There was however rap music piped in over a P.A. system. (tryin catch me ridin' dirty...)

(side note: the cops did indeed try to catch me riding dirty just two nights ago- some shit about illegal window tint and "what's that bat in the back seat for?")


No BBQ is cmplete without one of these: By the way, if you're an employee of an agency that has "bureau" or "firearms" in the title, i assure you, the item below is nothign more than a glorified sewage drain... with a combustion chamber. and spark plug. and ignition coil from a 78 fiat.



And here you can see the notorious and i, deep in teh bush, engaging the enemy at 10 meters and sporting our urban jigalo-camouflage. Load the potato!



Finally, the fiat is dead for a while. This is what we in the busness (or scott) would call a corner demolition, except it's happening at all 4 corners. be strong little soilder.

recap:

Illegal Fireworks?
-Check
Geriatric Flirting?
-Check
Opposite Sex Shirt swapping?
-Check
Broken Car Compliments of Insane Driving?
-Check
Strippers?
-Check
Bloody Knuckles Compliments of Car Repair?
-Check
Potato Gun?
-Check
Marriage Proposal?
-Check
Unrepeatable Stories of Sexcapades?
-Check
A Three-County Wide path of Debotchery Leaving No Sin Un-Sinned, No Woman Un-Womanized and No booze Un-drunk?
-That's a Big 10-4 Little Buddy.

I can lead you to 4 Wisdom, but I can't free your brain from the evil of singularity.

before you think about following this link, be prepared to abandon all you have known and all you would be.

for it is time cube. damn your evil singular ways.

Fuck it Dude, let's go bowling

I watched the Big Lebowski again today. I very much like that movie. It calms me in ways that chemicals (both internally produced and externally injested) cannot. It's the story, i think does it, about an imperfect life, a realistic life of strife and such- Told in the context of the Highs and lows that such a lived life tend to cultivate; Strikes and gutter balls a the Dude would say.

[porn video]: You must be about ready to fix the cable.
Maude Lebowski: Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.
The Dude: He fixes the cable?
Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.



You know what they say: Sometimes your eating the bar and...

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

he shouldn't have blown the horn

UTICA, Mich. - A motorist is accused of crashing into another man's car and trying to run him down in an apparent road rage incident in Utica. David Ludwig , 36, of Hamtramck, was charged with assault with a motor vehicle and a second offense of drunken driving on Wednesday afternoon, Local 4 reported.

Police said they responded to the road rage incident at about 6:50 p.m. Tuesday. Ludwig, who was driving a 1993 Chevrolet Cavalier, is accused of cutting off a 1995 Plymouth Acclaim driven by a 25-year-old Shelby Township man at 19 Mile Road and Van Dyke Avenue, police said.

The driver of the Acclaim beeped his horn, and the Cavalier driver then pursued the Acclaim northbound on Van Dyke Avenue, traveling in the center turn lane to pass other cars, according to police.

The Acclaim motorist drove into the parking lot of a Huntington Bank located on Van Dyke Avenue, near Canal Road. The Cavalier driver was unable to use the driveway and drove over the curb to enter the parking lot, police said. Both men exited their vehicles and had a verbal altercation, according to police.

The Acclaim driver then exited the parking lot and drove north on Van Dyke Avenue. As the vehicle approached M-59, the Cavalier driver rammed the back of the Acclaim, police said. The Acclaim driver, attempting to escape the Cavalier, drove to the area of Cass Avenue and Chapton Street, where a relative lives, according to police.

The Acclaim driver parked in the street and ran into the relative's home. The driver of the Cavalier exited his vehicle with a tire iron and struck the Acclaim several times, breaking windows, police said. He then re-entered his vehicle and crashed into the Acclaim with his car, according to police.

The Cavalier motorist started to drive away, and the driver of the Acclaim came outside to inspect the damage to his car. The Cavalier driver then did a U-turn and drove at the Acclaim driver, who was able to jump out of the way before the Cavalier struck the Acclaim, police said.

Ludwig could face up to four years in prison if convicted of the charges, Local 4 reported. A judge set his bond at $100,000 stating that his anger and alcohol problems could make him a serious threat to the community, according to the station's report.



Also, apparantly we're farther away from mutant powers making better, than i had hoped. Instead, it would appear such mutations just kill us faster. I can't help but think of the various times television has inferred that i shoudl roll in nuclear waster to make myself a super man. And wishing i hadn't taken that advice.

SHANGHAI - Yao Defen, believed to be the world’s tallest woman, has begun treatment in a Shanghai hospital for a brain tumor which is largely responsible for her extraordinary height.

Yao, who is from a poor farming family in eastern China’s Anhui province, is 2.36 meters (7.74 ft) tall, Chinese doctors say. That is 5 cm taller than Sandy Allen of the United States, who is currently listed by the Guinness World Records as the world’s tallest woman.

Yao, 36, suffers from a large tumor in her pituitary gland, which has stimulated her body to release excessive amounts of growth hormone and has made her bones weak, doctors say.

time for a shortcut

greasy monkey

all the action is over here these days.

like kodak film.

man, i wish i could sleep.

oh well. your benefit.

sigh

The wheels are really coming off this one.

memorial day and such.

A&E has been showing a documentary about a marine reserve company that lost over 10% of it's men in Iraq. The biggest hit came when an entire transport full of men (approximately 15, including a couple Iraqis) was totally obliterated by a landline on a paved road that had supposedly been cleared earlier that day.

15 buddies from ohio, all gone at once.

At some point between 1 ad 4 this morning i watched it and highly recommend it, though i'm not sure why. I think it might have had something to do with the discovery channel (three stations lower on the dial) was simultaneously showing one of those "weapons of war" shows where they show you the factories that build the tanks and mini-guns and bombs and some jabroni host goes out and test fires them all on some old junker cars.


Sunday; 8 a.m. and 2 p.m. Memorial Day; and 11 a.m. Saturday, June 3.

shorty

I've seriously considered converting the FIAT to an all electric drive train with a possible removable combustion-driven power module in the rear. Who killed the electric car?

i'll do it too if you want to give me about 2 grand.

uh-oh

What's that, U.S.? You kidnapped a German (Dec 05? and i've never heard about this?) Citizen and sent him to GTMO? Damn... Probably won't hear too much about that in the main stream media. I guess the ACLU still cares about this guy and sure as shit the german government wants to know what the fuck we were thinking.

oh well, all's well in the face of terrorism. Unfortunately we'll never really know because yet again big brother has declared this entire topic a state secret, meaning that it can't even go to court since it would jeopardize the entire operation in the middle east, which we all know is going swingingly.

dreams and hopes

my birthday is a lot closer than it is farther. I want you guys to pool your money and get me this car. It has a iced bar AND a machine gun firing robot.

Also, thermodynamics continues to beat my ass. I thought grad school was easy. Munkey Stephens, i'm looking in YOUR direction.

that's not america

that's not even mexico.

(oYo)

(oYo) -Arial
(oYo) -Courier
(oYo) -Georgia
(oYo) -Lucida Grande
(oYo) -Times
(oYo) -Trebuchet
(oYo) -Veranda
(oYo) -Webdings (webdings)

Now, i don't know if its because this font shares it's name with a woman, or if it's tried and true unbiased judgement, but these: (oYo) look the most like real boobs

huh-ZA!

keepin it real. real generic.

fiat updates seen here.

Uh, Hello? The Onion? why do you think this article about talking with simpsons quotes is in anyway different from the way me and my people were living our lives 5 years ago?

Tonight the Pistons finally showed up and beat Labron and those guys from Cleveland and the other team that isn't our team. to re-cap, we (and by "we," i mean those millionaires who live in the northern suburbs of detroit) won the first two games in this best of seven series and then lost the next 3. Keep in mind that Detroit was pinned to win the whole taco this year. However, James is on his way to becoming detroit's next Jordan, who as you'll all remember, fucked up the bad-boys run back in the day. Keep in mind, that the media and NBA would love for lebron to win so he can go up against the big man, Shaq. But since you (and by "you," i mean you) don't watch basketball, i'll get off my soap box.

I will now devote my weekend to becoming a thermodynamicist. (that word is credited to notorious)

I can't feel feelings anymore

My man in the field, "night moves rob" (his name is night moves. and he's got 'em) sent me news from the underground. results below.

Don't

Press

Play

crying == crying

maybe everything will be okay.

crying == laughing

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12808954/

this pretty much describes it all. A 150K truck (figure a million each with cost of guarding and delivering it) delivered to people who don't want or know what to with it. Best i can figure, there aren't even adequit descriptors to express what's going on over there.

I'd put a pay check on the chances of these trucks ending up filled with explosives and driven into some police recruitment office.

what. the. fuck.

another insight into neurotic behaviors

i spent a measurable amount of time today trying to explain to another engineer why i would try to rebuild an early 70's-design Fiat transmission, and yet refuse to change my own oil. He argument was pretty obviously based on money savings and the comfort of knowing some high school flunk out hadn't touched your $10,000 to $50,000 piece of equipment. My argument was why would i want to drive to the store (gas+time) buy oil (money+time) come home, jack up the car, change the oil (dirty+time) and then return the used product back to the store (gas+time) when i can pay marginally more money and be done in 20 minutes?

Better things i can do with my time:

-Train
-Pound my girl (Free transmission 4th-gear synchro if you remember where this phrase is from)
-Read
-Rebuild a transmission
-Eat
-Father my robot son

Later, i realized it wasn't just a time issue. The secondary effect is, i've already mastered the art of draining hot oil and replacing it with cold oil. There's no learning curve and thus, i feel like i'm failing to better myself with that particular task. Shit, i could be sitting in my room learning how to type with all the fingers.... you can't buy that.

of course, now the obvious question is, what am i doing wasting my time typing this? Recreation, mind you, in whatever form it takes, is never a waste of time.

time to go tie one on.

as always

Scott bringin the power.

I got bid'nes to attend. And i can't attend my bid'ness without no damn signal.

also, check out the fiat page on the side bar

who was that guy?

every few months or so some random item in life will remind me of one of the many people i used to know. It's odd to think about how many people i used to know, compared to those i still do. Last count i've gone through nearly a dozen jobs and half as many schools. How many phone numbers didnt get transferred over from the 4 cell phones i've owned?

and then, for example, i'll pick up a tool i used to use as a fire alarm tech and say to myself, "i wonder if jeff ever went back down south?"

i think the negative effect this is all having is, am i becoming less likely to accept new people into my life? sub-consciously, do i suspect they're all just extras in the sitcom of life and likely won't be around by next season?

i dont think i'm there yet.

what kind of hospital is this?

is it the natural gas that's giving me these ideas? because they're brilliant.

why no pinch?

i pinch

Berrenda,

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

shut your flaming face

You have started the CAT-BUN wars!!!

With a side of danger

bana-na-na-na-na

just in case

Anyone didn't see this link

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20060508/scahill.

no work today = no pay today

the plan for the transmission fell through (what kind of tranny shop only rebuilds domestic shit?), and at nearly the same time, a family member offered me use of his company's "shop" to use for parts cleaning and the like, should i want to in his words "truly have the car restoration expeience."

well fuck. I'm not sending it to the east coast for a $600 to $800 rebuild and i'm not buying some suspect tranny off the web for $500.

Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Fuck everything, we're doing five blades.

What i'm trying to say it, clear off the work bench. there's a reason i played with legos for the first 24 years. I'll rebuild the tranny my damn self.



get me my tools.

thumbs up

i pulled my my tranny out of my own car in my own garage today. As nick says, that's like some sort of life accomplishment. I agree. but before i get too full of myself, i have to think back to the things people were doing with cars in the 60's.

the glory days indeed.

widen the divide

you guys remember Tony from Tech Ultimate? You remember his beard? You remember his dad?

Probably not, but you will now. At least until the next hilarious, must see, 30 second internet clip.

weekend update. on tuesday.

Saturday was work on car day. During the brief pre-electrical-tear-down drive around the block, the Fiat transmission managed to violently disassemble itself. We're talking tell-tale sound of metal hitting concrete and a walk down the street to retrieve debris. Apparently the first universal joint came apart and intersected with the linkage case. Hilarity ensued.

Transmission rebuild just trumped electrical rebuild with the left.



As a tactical response, I purchased a socket set capable of destroying a common man.



Also, in Detroit this week, a rapper from the shadey crew was capped in his dome and someone died when they called 911 and the operator accused them of pranking 911 and then some more people died. I had some links to the stories... but you know.

For Wildman...

{put's on Air Supply record, track 7}

What's that Hulkster? Well yes, it's is time to dump the contents of the camera phone and show everyone what a great time we're having here in Detroit!

I know just how to fake it
and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream.


Notorious sent a picture of some windmills
they're building where he's at. {sniff, sniff}
I smell Progress!

and...

wh- wh- wha- what? What's this? the Sophist is refueling a Hydrogen
powered fuel cell car??? Yes that is the DCX F-Cell and all the hotties
are flocking to it (because green makes chicks wet). In the background
you can see the hydrogen troll and his pointy red hat. It appears the
revolution is at hand... the sexy revolution!


The beating of my heart is a drum
And it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you.

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.

I've got to follow it 'cause ev'rything I know
Well it's nothing 'til I give it to you!!


Sometimes mother company lets me suckle from the teet of it's
test fleet. Finally the Sophist gets some respect on the roads
and from his neighbors in the form of a 2500HD, Solid axel, big-
balled, cock on wheels. I could have had the Sebring coupe, but
then i'd have kicked my own ass.

But then again, i've been inflicting enough pain on myself. No, i don't
think full marathons are for me; I'd like to be able to sprint from time
to time, as well. I like to think of myself more of a monster truck in the face of life, so maybe i'll do that 10-mile trail run coming up...
(shit, that 13th mile hurt)




Time now to put some work in on the Fizzle. Sure it ain't got much trunk
space for dead hookers, but the ability to attract said hookers (in a less
corpsey state) is greatly increased, thus making the live-to-dead hooker
conversion process much more efficient. Technology solves the world's
problems yet again.



Making love out of nothing at all.
Making love - out of nothing at all.


GapingVoid


Is it the natural gas that's giving me these great ideas? because they're brilliant...

bad day at work

Sophist so, you realize the war in the midle east is forever now, right?
Sophist Coworker Yes.
Sophist crude oil supply concerns:
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5612507/
Sophist crude oil countries have all the power:
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12085050/
Sophist war forever
Sophist (we're boned)
Sophist Coworker yes
Sophist noone knows what to do, because they're all fools
Sophist http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12098678/
Sophist Coworker sigh
Sophist madness reigns... car companies desperate to sell more cars...
Sophist yeah, that'll work
Sophist stave off death for another quarter
Sophist reactive, not proactive
Sophist everything will be okay as long as we sell more cars this month
Sophist who really thinks this is going to magically heal itself?
Sophist Coworker Manufacturing guys.
Sophist sure. their whole life is based on economies of scale
Sophist if we could just build more, cheaper...
Sophist Coworker Then people will buy them because they have to.
Sophist Coworker Riiight.
Sophist sigh
Sophist Coworker I'm so frustrated with this country/job/way of thinking.
Sophist i'm not going to play the roll of dooms-day-sayer...
Sophist but things have the potential of gettign very bad indeed
Sophist Coworker Things have very big potential of getting very bad.
Sophist Coworker although, if you think about it, there hasn't been a major world conflict in 60 years or so.
Sophist no, not one in terms of "here is peace" and now "here is a major step function into war times 10"
Sophist instead it's slow and steady
Sophist ramping up
Sophist Coworker it's like the frog in the pot of boiling water.
Sophist you think of conflicts in historical terms, you think of what day they started and what day they ended...
Sophist there is no definition here
Sophist just escallation (sp?)
Sophist Coworker Yup.
Sophist there are a lot of theories about what it will be like when the oil supply starts to really pinch, as in the U.S. can't get what it wants
Sophist Coworker We'll flex our muscle.
Sophist Coworker Well, that largely depends on who is in charge, I guess.
Sophist a common theme is war (forever)
Sophist Coworker If we had a good leader. I mean really good
Sophist it won't matter, because people are going to put someone in charge that will do their biddiing
Sophist Coworker We could delay that for 50+ years
Sophist and their bidding is SUVs
Sophist Coworker Ok, you've turned into the doomsayer
Sophist hey man, bush got re-elected
Sophist had to be a reason
Sophist
Sophist and maybe that's why the Dems have no legs, too idealististic? i don't know
Sophist Coworker time will tell

i believe that you are ninja too

first, you can get an example of what i'm talking about right here

this one is pretty damn funny as well. Actually, i think it might be better.

ah hell, just check out the site.

Answer: Two Hours and Twenty Minutes

Question: What is, How long does it take the sophist to run a Half Marathon with a sprained ankle?

That is correct.

Points of interest. By mile 8 i was so hungry, i briefly considered eating a cat i saw wonder onto the course. Something was amiss in my race prep, because though i've never felt this hunger while training, my stomach was screaming for food during the race. I think a snickers bar would have shaved 10 minutes oiff my time.

My ankle was a distraction by mile 10ish.

The next step was supposed to be, well, run the full damn thing. I'm not so sure i'm convinced that devoting my entire physical prowess to running 26 miles is a good idea. I think for now i'll stick with 13 as my maximum distance of hustled foot travel, and i'll work on that time.




should've eaten more bananas and left my red hat at home.

ouch

Time to take a step back from the doom and gloom of reality and focus on the fluff of everyday life. The half marathon i was supposed to take part in April 1st is a big question mark right now, as i rolled and sprained my ankle playing basketball last Sunday. (I shouldn't have been playing that near to a marathon, but UNC needed me on guard and i couldn't let 'em down) Basically its fucked. That night it swelled nicely and a few days later the bruises appeared above the heal and at the shin.


Three days after. Note it should appear much "bonier."


One week after

Today i wrapped the hell out of it ad hit the treadmills. Yes, i too despise the treadmills, but since winter came back in the form of a slushly, wet, snowy, crap from the sky last night and today, the rat-wheel was what i had. I ran it, but it's sore.

Here's what's great about these pictures: on the first one, you can see in the background my "monkey's playing poker" boxer shorts that Holly got me. Chances are, unless i'm drunk, you're never gonna see those in person. In the second photo, you can see my freakish toes that are webbed between the 2nd and 3rd digit. Makes me a better swimmer and as far as i know, has never been documented on the internet.

See, this web site is like one of those discovery channel medical shows. Also, i learned that's it's very hard to manipulate photoshop so bruises will show up on film. I'm not sure why, but that's good information to have.

beat the drum

"I am more convinced than ever that we should all be prepared for the inevitable collapse of society." There no way to say that sentence without people looking at you oddly. It's not something you can talk about at work. Your family will not engage you in this conversation at Xmas. There's really no reason to think about it very much.

oh well, i'm sure everything will be fine. No need to buy a gun and leave the major urban areas.

Everyone should read "The end of Oil" by Paul Roberts. I also recommend "Crossing the Rubicon" by Michael C. Ruppert.

If you're really into it, try The Long Emergency, Blood and Oil, The Geography of Nowhere... there are other.

Soon i will send those of you on the list a DVD copy of "The end of Suburbia," but it may take some time to get those out. I'll also include some absurd animation that will help take the edge off the other material, and hopefully you'll want to kill yourself less.

quotes

quotes have been popular lately. here's one.

"Reality is that which continues to exist after i stop believing in it."
-Some guy

This would imply that even though I may not be mentally ill, if the world at large is mentally ill... then that is the reality. hmmm. this could be more true than we want to admit.

On the other hand, if we all stop believing in something like, say, numbers... well then numbers would be no more. See, there's a difference between numbers and quantities and we can make number just go away, because they're arbitrary like laws and morals. This is what the guy who sits across from me couldn't understand when i tried to explain that there are no absolutes. His argument was that as an engineer, i have to base my entire mental architecture on a system of absolutes that will continue to hold true under all circumstances. i.e, Math. Duality may include two sides, but your mental assignment of the word "two" is still up in the air. Besides, from a numbers-applications stand point, 50 is a lot closer to infinity than, say, 2, even though are numbers would have us believe otherwise. Consider i have a gun with 50 bullets and you have but 2 rounds. See: infinitely better.

The reason the older, roman system of numerals didn't hold up is because the Romans had no zero. The Arab system, on the other hand, had this key "nothing" number, allowing for a more complex type of math, which was algebra and eventually calculus.

what does it all mean? Reality is that which ceases to exist when i do?

"I bang my head against the wall because it feels good when i stop."

"What good is he if he can't beat Christos?"

i have finally (nearly) finished the total brake re-job on the Fiat. Like a tumor, i just pulled out stuff that was bad, until only good parts were left. This led me to replace the master cylinder, brake fluid reservoir and hoses, and several of the hard-lines that run under the car. Also, the pads, rotors and calipers and flex-lines where replaced on all four corners. The amazing thing is, not only was the system severely leaking fluid, the calipers were rusted frozen and the hand brake was nonexistent. The only way the car could have stopped during the brief drives loading and unloading it on the trailer, was through the friction of the seized calipers. On top of that, who ever re-assembled the brake calipers lat, did it completely wrong, and since i put back the way i found 'em, it took me several hours to figure out what the hell i was doing wrong. Oh, also the hard line into the master was cross-threaded, making that leak and rust as well.

The good news is, now i need only bleed the system and make/tighten the final line connection. Now i just need a friend to come help me out...

I don't know what the hell the guy who did the brakes was thinking, but surprisingly the rest of the car is in pretty decent shape. It's going to need a muffler, which i i'll probably just have done and then i can straighten out the Italian-electrical gremlins. But that's all regardless because once the brake system has been brought online, i can test drive it for the first time.

I have defeated the brakes. What's that Chong Li?

Chong Li: Very good. But brake not hit back!

I'm drunk, so bare with me

i just got back from the local sports team game that i watched from some supplier's ultra-plush suite, the ticket for which i got from my job. See, as an employee of Auto-maker X, supplier Y offered our group tickets to this suite as a way to say "thanks." This was the ultra pimp-yourself event; my boss and his boss and the supplier's and their bosses and everyone's jerking each other off while sporting that shit-eating grin, presumably as a way to make yourself more marketable.

A little background: I knew what this was going to be and told myself i wouldn't go... but for some reason i turned colors and agreed to the ticket. Basically EVERYONE i come into contact with from my job was there. In the end, i decided free booze and food was not to be turned down.

I spent a lot of time talking to the wives because the men folk were busy "talking shop" and "wanking each other"... (i was only given one ticket, so was there solo). Apparently a lot of these people have daughters that are my age, because when it was all said and done, had been offered two daughters and a place to live rent free from my various drunken babbling. (to any of my girlfriends that might read this: i graciously declined all offers, except the one to tag-team that one guy's wife while he video tapes; we're working out the copy-right ownership). All i had to mention was some combination of "Employee of auto maker X" and "grad student" and they were offering up partial nudes of their first born. I wish i had brought a prostitute to help pass the time. In the end, i particularly enjoyed the awkward conversations of filler b.s. i had with my boss's boss, whom i've met only once before, with priceless tags like "how's it going" and "great to see you again."

During the long, shockingly-warm walk back to my car, i resolved (while partly drunk) to give all the money in my wallet to a homeless person, but never had the fortitude to follow through. it seemed like it might be a good way to smite the corporate-wheel-greasing system. In all, several lessons were learned.

1) the suites at "local sports team" arena are all different. Some look like hotel rooms, other look like strip clubs. 97% of the people who populate them are corporate schmucks in bad shirts.

1) middle class greed beats white-guilt every time.

2) it's still okay to drive drunk in detroit. err... partly drunk.

Did i mention that i kinda turned own a job offer earlier with supplier Y? yeah... it would have paid insane money, but i decided it wasn't worth it because i wouldn't have enjoyed the job. i'm not sure what the bigger self-lie was: the previous statement or the idea that i'll find something that *is* fulfilling. Anyway, i met the dude that they ended up giving that job to... I was like "have fun with all that, buddy." It was all oddly satisfying, in a "you screwed that chick that i turned down because i knew she has the hiv, kinda way."

i'm out.

this is very much how i feel about the Fiat.

Y'all need to open your ears up and soak this game up

Allow me to practice my sophist ways:

I have seen the future, my friends, and it doesn't live in a dog-forsaken cubicle. I may be the last to see the light, but my eyes are opening now... It's obvious that working for a giant corporation, sitting in a box under brain frying fluorescent lights and waiting patiently for death is a bad way to earn that 401K. But now those jobs are leaving, which is probably the best thing that could happen for a group of young (good looking), inventive (scrappy) and far-sighted (can hold our liquor) individuals such us. Master P says "Start a business"

Indeed Master P. Indeed.


We aint beefin like nah we on the positive vibe
But i still get the homocide squad on the side
See im holdin on to the steering wheel controllin the ride
And yall comin out a bumpin cuz i got it in drive


We need to come up with the good ideas and begin implementation of plan A. How can it be any riskier than working for the man? I've seen and heard about TOO many people that lose stupid jobs that they hated and end up crying in their beer over the whole deal.

It's time to start that race car school for strippers.

It's time to make a porno with an all Luara Branigan soundtrack.

It's time to start training for that race around the world.

Another night, another day goes by
I never stop myself to wonder why
You help me to forget to play my role
You take my self, you take my self control

indeed Laura Branigan. Indeed.