two news items of interest today.
the first teaches us that you should never be worth more dead than alive. oh, and don't try to out smart angry thugs.
the second reveals how stupid people look when they try understand "the internets."
is it the bunny-carcass shape that makes easter chocolate taste so good?
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
shut your man pleaser for 7 seconds...
boy... this blog thing really fizzled the last few weeks. i blame my renewed vigor to find an engineering job, a recently purchased copy of Unreal Tournament 2 (Son of Unreal Tournament), and warming weather which is teasing me to that sexy mistress mother nature. in fact, i haven't even been surfing with the regularity of past.
speaking of the outdoors, anyone every consider getting in a group and renting an RV on Water? Sounds like good, clean, drunken fun with lots of swimming, drinking, cliff diving and piloting of large, cumbersome vehicles, if you've ever spoken to someone who's done it. think about it... twenty aught six.
speaking of the outdoors, anyone every consider getting in a group and renting an RV on Water? Sounds like good, clean, drunken fun with lots of swimming, drinking, cliff diving and piloting of large, cumbersome vehicles, if you've ever spoken to someone who's done it. think about it... twenty aught six.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
time for retribution
much to report..
1). Unreal Tournament 2004 (for Mac) is Bad-Ass. I can almost feel the next 3 months of my life slipping away.
2). An open (and brief) letter to the person who took a bat to my van's side-rear-view mirror: If i find you, I will smash you. Even as you're looking up from the pavement through bloodied eyes, begging for forgiveness, still i will feel nothing.
3). I've decided to buy this bike. If my paycheck had made it to my bank account at 4:30pm today, as it was supposed to, i would have already put the chips down on this bad bitch. Anyone up for a ride? Down a cliff?
4). I've seen a furry of stats and graphs that suggest site attendance here at the sophist's playhouse is way down this month, so tell your friends to stop in and say "howdy."
1). Unreal Tournament 2004 (for Mac) is Bad-Ass. I can almost feel the next 3 months of my life slipping away.
2). An open (and brief) letter to the person who took a bat to my van's side-rear-view mirror: If i find you, I will smash you. Even as you're looking up from the pavement through bloodied eyes, begging for forgiveness, still i will feel nothing.
3). I've decided to buy this bike. If my paycheck had made it to my bank account at 4:30pm today, as it was supposed to, i would have already put the chips down on this bad bitch. Anyone up for a ride? Down a cliff?
4). I've seen a furry of stats and graphs that suggest site attendance here at the sophist's playhouse is way down this month, so tell your friends to stop in and say "howdy."
Saturday, March 19, 2005
too much booze...
make homer "something," "something..."
http://www.jimwirt.com/coloringweb/COLORINGBOOK.htm
...lethargic?
http://www.jimwirt.com/coloringweb/COLORINGBOOK.htm
...lethargic?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
where's the booze?
i bailed out of work early today (well, actually, they assumed i would want to leave and get drunk without me even asking... odd) and it's that magically-drunk day of the year, so i figured i'd help all ya'll with a few jokes, anecdotes and toasts you can use this evening.
disclaimer: i guarantee these are funnier when you're drunk
**************************
"Here's to all the kisses we've snatched...and vice versa!"
**************************
"Here's to panties; they're not the bet thing in the world, but they're close to it."
**************************
What do Pink Floyd, Berlin and Dale Earnhardt have in common? Their last hit was a wall.
**************************
(drunk version)
"Here's to honor; If you can't cum in her, cum honor"
(sober version)
"She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night long, it was
On her, off her, on her, off her"
**************************
An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
**************************
Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar,
"Bring on the goddamn cat!"
**************************
In heaven there is no beer
that's why we drink it here
and when we're gone from here
our friends will be drinking all the beer
**************************
and as if you needed another reason, you can always drink to make the people around you interesting.
disclaimer: i guarantee these are funnier when you're drunk
"Here's to all the kisses we've snatched...and vice versa!"
"Here's to panties; they're not the bet thing in the world, but they're close to it."
What do Pink Floyd, Berlin and Dale Earnhardt have in common? Their last hit was a wall.
(drunk version)
"Here's to honor; If you can't cum in her, cum honor"
(sober version)
"She offered her honor
He honored her offer
And all night long, it was
On her, off her, on her, off her"
An Irishman is never drunk as long as
He can hold onto one blade of grass and not
Fall off the face of the earth.
Some Guinness was spilt on the barroom floor
When the pub was shut for the night.
When out of his hole crept a wee brown mouse
And stood in the pale moonlight.
He lapped up the frothy foam from the floor
Then back on his haunches he sat.
And all night long, you could hear the mouse roar,
"Bring on the goddamn cat!"
In heaven there is no beer
that's why we drink it here
and when we're gone from here
our friends will be drinking all the beer
and as if you needed another reason, you can always drink to make the people around you interesting.
Monday, March 14, 2005
wher are all the people?
The new coworker i've been training (whom we will call Edwin, because that is his name) continues to bring color to my day. Today he locked his keys in his car. If you've never seen a man with a think accent try to contact a lock smith over teh phone, you haven't lived, my poor little friend.
A few days back we were in Down Town Detroit. We were eating lunch at the Subway across from the Compuware building, gazing out out the window longing for a fulfilling career. Noticing that we were surrounded by ginormis office buildings, he asked me where all the people were. In case you've never been in detroit on a regular business day, it is easily the most desolate metropolis you will ever experience. The streets are always empty (and yet, strangely, there continues to be no available parking spots) while the mostly empty building loom over head. Edwin lamented that he had never sen a city like this, and even though he'd been in the area for 6 years, he was still not used to it. He could easily spot the queerness of a local detroiter; in his words, "everyone looks like they expect something bad to happen."
Later that day, in detroit, we were driving on the Lodge service drive and came across a smashed Chevy Suburban. The radiator fluid had all run out onto the road but had long since stopped steaming. There were no other cars on the one-way road, be them smashed or otherwise. I pulled around the wreck, have-way onto the curb and went around. Edwin, following me in his Mini-van (too new for a company truck) didn't even seem to notice the the car corpse.
he's fitting right in.
Oh yeah, Holy and I saw "Robots" tonight. It is, of course, now highly recommended. And I'm not just saying that because of the obvious robot presence.
A few days back we were in Down Town Detroit. We were eating lunch at the Subway across from the Compuware building, gazing out out the window longing for a fulfilling career. Noticing that we were surrounded by ginormis office buildings, he asked me where all the people were. In case you've never been in detroit on a regular business day, it is easily the most desolate metropolis you will ever experience. The streets are always empty (and yet, strangely, there continues to be no available parking spots) while the mostly empty building loom over head. Edwin lamented that he had never sen a city like this, and even though he'd been in the area for 6 years, he was still not used to it. He could easily spot the queerness of a local detroiter; in his words, "everyone looks like they expect something bad to happen."
Later that day, in detroit, we were driving on the Lodge service drive and came across a smashed Chevy Suburban. The radiator fluid had all run out onto the road but had long since stopped steaming. There were no other cars on the one-way road, be them smashed or otherwise. I pulled around the wreck, have-way onto the curb and went around. Edwin, following me in his Mini-van (too new for a company truck) didn't even seem to notice the the car corpse.
he's fitting right in.
Oh yeah, Holy and I saw "Robots" tonight. It is, of course, now highly recommended. And I'm not just saying that because of the obvious robot presence.
Sunday, March 13, 2005
here comes the meat wagon...
this story needs to be read. An incredible wealth of knowledge can be gained. Here's a few points...
1) everyone should carry a piece (preferably a .45 or larger)
2) it's not uncommon for people to have their face taken off
3) the primate revolution is at hand
try to spot the others and list them below.
1) everyone should carry a piece (preferably a .45 or larger)
2) it's not uncommon for people to have their face taken off
3) the primate revolution is at hand
try to spot the others and list them below.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
spot me, twig-boy
jeez... i really got get back to the gym.
err, wait...i already did.
i was in the cut-off.
you can't miss me.
err, wait...i already did.
i was in the cut-off.
you can't miss me.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
I hear there's rumors on the internets
it link time! (everyone get your green tights and pointy hat!)
i honestly had a conversation recently with a friend about this: he was commenting on how it takes a certain degree of effort to keep a long term relationship interesting. i guess he was right. That being the case, I'll be busy this weekend.
"The vendor who sold the cassava balls insisted nothing was wrong with them and ate a few to prove the point. Now she, too, is in critical condition." damn.
seriously, this right here may be only link in this post worth while. gotta love that soundtrack.
your mother.
i honestly had a conversation recently with a friend about this: he was commenting on how it takes a certain degree of effort to keep a long term relationship interesting. i guess he was right. That being the case, I'll be busy this weekend.
"The vendor who sold the cassava balls insisted nothing was wrong with them and ate a few to prove the point. Now she, too, is in critical condition." damn.
seriously, this right here may be only link in this post worth while. gotta love that soundtrack.
your mother.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
are you down to put in some work?
the latest object of my inappropriately dispersed sexual desire...
i spent some time with an unruly VCR the other night. Does there exist a company that recognizes the potential of a person that can fix anything? not that it matters... i mean fuck, how do you make note on a professional resume that you have some degree of hands on experience with every consumer electronic product known to man? (while secretly harboring a desire to build kill bots?)
Leela: They say Zapp Brannigan single handedly saved the Octillion system from a horde of rampaging kill bots.
Fry: Wow!
Bender: A grim day for robotkind, eh, but we can always build more kill bots.
shit, all your conglome-crop types want is another cog for the machine. who wants a car designer when they can get some chump to spend 37 years refining the deign for bolt #3.45A?
I started training this new guy, Edwin, at work last tuesday. He's Philippine and although sports a large english vocabulary, is very difficult to converse with do to a thick accent and slow word recall function. He's probably in his late 30's and is super-plus eager to learn the ins of the "trade" i call my job. He's also surprisingly technically intuitive. I say surprising, i suppose, because of my own bias that assumes foreigners don't have electricity. How soon i forget about the Indian Hit Squad that stole my electrical engineering controls book. those fucks. Anyway, Edwin, he's an interesting character; maybe it's because i spend 90% of my time working alone and it's a new novelty to have a "apprentice." Either way, at first i assumed he was eager to work/learn as a result of some work ethic typically lost on your typical american... turns out he just hates being at home with the wife and kids. that bitch is ALWAYS nagging him to fix this or clean that... and he... he's like me. he just wants to think the big thoughts, you know. He confided in me an idea he once had for an invention that he's convinced could make him millions... if he could just get the damn thing built. He said he's never told anyone about it before, which made me feel ways about things. (i will now divulge that million dollar idea to the whole of the internet) Anwyay, I think he feels like he's wasting himself on this life, always comparing himself to me and my "Young, free, single lifestyle" he imagines i live. inevitable it all ends in a reference (in broken english mind you) to his wife, kids and boundless responsibilities. He once told me about the motorcycle he used to own and switched over to advice on how to pay for his kids college in the same breath.
damn, Edwin.
"I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"
[seriously folks, i love cats. i'd have one if my housemate/land lord wasn't so damned allergic.]
i spent some time with an unruly VCR the other night. Does there exist a company that recognizes the potential of a person that can fix anything? not that it matters... i mean fuck, how do you make note on a professional resume that you have some degree of hands on experience with every consumer electronic product known to man? (while secretly harboring a desire to build kill bots?)
Leela: They say Zapp Brannigan single handedly saved the Octillion system from a horde of rampaging kill bots.
Fry: Wow!
Bender: A grim day for robotkind, eh, but we can always build more kill bots.
shit, all your conglome-crop types want is another cog for the machine. who wants a car designer when they can get some chump to spend 37 years refining the deign for bolt #3.45A?
I started training this new guy, Edwin, at work last tuesday. He's Philippine and although sports a large english vocabulary, is very difficult to converse with do to a thick accent and slow word recall function. He's probably in his late 30's and is super-plus eager to learn the ins of the "trade" i call my job. He's also surprisingly technically intuitive. I say surprising, i suppose, because of my own bias that assumes foreigners don't have electricity. How soon i forget about the Indian Hit Squad that stole my electrical engineering controls book. those fucks. Anyway, Edwin, he's an interesting character; maybe it's because i spend 90% of my time working alone and it's a new novelty to have a "apprentice." Either way, at first i assumed he was eager to work/learn as a result of some work ethic typically lost on your typical american... turns out he just hates being at home with the wife and kids. that bitch is ALWAYS nagging him to fix this or clean that... and he... he's like me. he just wants to think the big thoughts, you know. He confided in me an idea he once had for an invention that he's convinced could make him millions... if he could just get the damn thing built. He said he's never told anyone about it before, which made me feel ways about things. (i will now divulge that million dollar idea to the whole of the internet) Anwyay, I think he feels like he's wasting himself on this life, always comparing himself to me and my "Young, free, single lifestyle" he imagines i live. inevitable it all ends in a reference (in broken english mind you) to his wife, kids and boundless responsibilities. He once told me about the motorcycle he used to own and switched over to advice on how to pay for his kids college in the same breath.
damn, Edwin.
"I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?"
[seriously folks, i love cats. i'd have one if my housemate/land lord wasn't so damned allergic.]
Sunday, March 06, 2005
The saying goes, "if you don't like the weather in michigan, wait a minute; it'll change." Although the variability of the weather has been a key topic of conversation since the first caveman needed to fill an awkward silence with his caveman brethren (probably a co-worker), it *is* a comfort knowing that here in michigan, change is guaranteed. Always in the future, just around the corner, a new season lurks. Something to yearn for, i would say; a prospect of new opportunity, even if it is merely a perceived event. What can i say? It excites me to think that in a few short weeks the entire backdrop of life will refashion itself.
There's another saying that i believe comes from Mark Twain (but i could be way off about the origins): "Everybody is talking about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it."
Agreed.
There's another saying that i believe comes from Mark Twain (but i could be way off about the origins): "Everybody is talking about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it."
Agreed.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
"there were no words back then for what she could do"
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Saturday, February 26, 2005
here comes the revolution
my housemate jon and I hit the dirt mall this morning.
price: $4.99 + tax
model: double eagle
style: single action
clip capacity: 8 rounds + 1
muzzle velocity: stings
accuracy: surprisingly high
housemates: time for retribution
price: $4.99 + tax
model: double eagle
style: single action
clip capacity: 8 rounds + 1
muzzle velocity: stings
accuracy: surprisingly high
housemates: time for retribution
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
dudley street, bitch, ain't a good place to wind up dead
i was reminiscing with my housemate jon about the wonderful geekiness of the TI-85 and it's psuedo-fortran programming language... so simple, so powerful and yet so intuitive. it reminded me of the time in 9th grade when stos and i wrote a program that would allow the user to "interact" with everyone's favorite violent anarchist, Mikail Bakunin. basically it would ask simply yes/no questions like "is the man oppressing you" and "have you killed a government agent today" and then recommend a course of action that would lead to a simpler, more pure existence. the point of this story follows: though you think fundamental russian anarchy is dead, it actually lives on forever in the hearts and minds of the school children.
speaking of the memory fountain, later that day, i was remembering a more recent event. some local high school chick that lives near my house told holly's mom (mother == teacher to the girl in question) "yeah, i think i've partied with that guy" in reference to me. (i'm still not sure how this conversation come up)
and now you know how i got my nick name.
-statutory Curt
speaking of the memory fountain, later that day, i was remembering a more recent event. some local high school chick that lives near my house told holly's mom (mother == teacher to the girl in question) "yeah, i think i've partied with that guy" in reference to me. (i'm still not sure how this conversation come up)
and now you know how i got my nick name.
-statutory Curt
Sunday, February 20, 2005
i'm about to go coo coo and taste your cocoa puffs
tonight i saw million dollar baby with Clint "make my day" Eastwood. it was a damn fine flick. i can't get into the details without spoiling it, but boxing really has very little to do with the themes and ideas it explores. Morgan Freeman does a hell of a job and so does Clint (even if he isn't sporting a revolver of unimaginable calibor). this is one of those rear movies that begs you to explore the characters further while walking back the parking lot. i would recommend checking it out and try to avoid learning too much about the plot before hand. (be weary of spoilers in the ensuing comments page).
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
26 inch pythons
not that i feel i need to justify the hulkamania that ran wild on this page last night, but perhaps i can put it into context. a few nights back, holly and i hung out with some of her friends from high school at the local drinkery. now these three dudes were freshmen when she was a senior, so after consulting the internal book of preconceptions, i knew these fools would be know-nothing jaboni's. shit, how could they even be old enough to drink? next thing i know, these fools are running off at the mouth about the hulkster (the real one, not my brother), "hulking up" and doing bad arnold impersonations that simply consist of a generic eastern european accent repeating the tired phrase "get to the chopper..."
get to the chopper? those doppelganger bastards...
watch your backs, folks. the pod people are everywhere.
get to the chopper? those doppelganger bastards...
watch your backs, folks. the pod people are everywhere.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
be a part of a winning team!
Did you know the Hulkster was the first wrestler to have music playing as he approached the ring?
(be sure to scroll ALL the way down)
you wanted the best.
you got the best.
(be sure to scroll ALL the way down)
you wanted the best.
you got the best.
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