Motorcycle

updates.



(if only i'd known)

holy double fuck-stuffed oreos*

I have returned from my adventures in Ohio, which were mostly adventures of the low key variety.



(thank you i heart chaos)


My return home, via motorcycle, went something like this:

--Cruising through Ohio fast, it was warm, i was happy.

--Cruising through Ohio fast, it was cold, i had on extra layers and i was happy.

--Crossing over into Michigan, storm front, HUGE FUCKING RAIN, fuck me, i'm so very wet, I can't see, OH GOD HUGE TRUCKS...

--40 miles of wet and then suddenly 1 mile from home, some dude pull sup next to me on a motorcycle as well and he's wearing less water repellent clothing than I am. I look at him, he looks at me and we know that we're the only bad muther (shut your mouth!) in this town.

--Arrive home, dump water out of boots, invent phrase "holy double fuck-stuffed Oreos" to describe what just happened to me, sleep.

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This is the greatest music video that has ever existed:


GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO - BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

"In this awesome video for the song “Gorbachov” by Russian metal band ANJ, former Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Gorbachev is an axe-wielding barbarian, destroying zombies who attack the hard working big breasted women of Mother Russia"


I don't know how to explain this to all of you, but Bill Oriely really is fair and balanced. Watch him. I don't know if it was always this way and I don't know if it will always be so, but dammit, he asks the right questions and criticizes EVERYONE. Fuck. Now everything is complicated.

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Remember: A Floozy will do something with anyone. A Freak will do anything with someone. It's important to know.


*Yes I had to invent a new phrase to show my exclamation. Use it at your will, i guarantee is new to this world

Killing time while a test runs:

Yes, fine, I agree i am highly susceptible to your American viral marketing campaign. (also, yes, I looked up the definition of Viral Marketing to ensure I was using it correctly). I award this advertisement 25 bonus points for referencing "The Conquistador."



In other news, I clearly should NOT have sold the Fiat-dang-dizzle. It doesn't say anything about motorcycles, either. Perhaps a nice Alfa is in order? What about Italian motorcycles? Clearly more science is needed. Either way, i know that look on that chick's face; It's the same look I get when I sit in those cars.

(Stupid non-convertible, fwd, reliable American Grand Am)


Time to make the donuts. And by "donuts," I mean "high voltage automotive battery packs."

four: where's my helmet?

one:

I AM NOT THESE PEOPLE


two:

Remember when the republicans were funny because they were so old and crotchety and evil but just ha-ha evil? Circa 2003:



Who's laughing now? Circa today: (your press pass god can't save you now)




three:

I gotta live: See you next week.

(see you in hell kwame)

Ahem

Dallas, Texas: who are you?

content o' the month

I'm feeling nostalgic.



It's been a hell of a month filled with travel, change, new and strange people as well as marking 28 years of me looking around and saying "well that doesn't seem right at all..."

It occurred to me that 2 decades ago I fully believed I would be well into my career as a race car driver by now.


I could not have predicted this cake, either. (though i *did* ask for a vagina cake)


I went back to that old familiar place last weekend to see some old familiar people but as always, nothing is quite as familiar as you remember it. Regardless, a challenging trip that was most rewarding: Me, the bike, a weekend and 900 miles in the High Five State.


I don't feel old but damn do i look old in that picture. I feel old looking at that picture of my old-ass looking self. Maybe it was that familiar post-wedding hang over rearing it's ugliness in my face.

It's been a popular theme in August, the month of drunkeness. I think it's time to dial it back for wile and shake off the cloudiness in the brain. I've got the old stand by, "running until i fall down" which is as much or more so satisfying than drinking until i can't feel feelings. Sadly it does nearly nothing to make un-interesting people seem like you want to talk to this guy.




(the triple digit speeds are dicey without a windshield. Kids, listen to me: install clubman bars)



(by the way)
Epic Ninja Fail
Great sex, wrong person
Surrender
Speaking of pictures

I wasn't in the mood to be rushing around the state and definitely not looking forward to a wedding. I was however happy to find that i would be living in the woods for a day and a half. It was spectacular to stand in the river and walk in the forest. I firmly believe that the world we make for ourselves it too distracting to accomplish any decent thinking. Too many distractions to resolve problems. Instead you just forget about them. Shove 'em under the rug. I'll figure out these confusing things tomorrow... where's my blackberry? (it was turned off for over 24 hours!)

Regardless, the newly weds get double plus ultra points for their blatant disregard for American wedding traditions.






And the only thing better than trees is lively water.




With life!




Sophist in the state of nature

Year 28 of the mission: August has been the most bizar-O month ever. The world is both complicated AND confusing, which is a strange way of saying it's not really complicated at all.



To people that are far away in unfamiliar places: Stay lose out there.


I think I'm ready to open the floor to comments again



(Again with the prostitutes? Again with the prostitutes)

target women

we are the spiders

(ave you seen these things being made? the volume of the spider cannot possibly contain the calories required)

humanity

i have no more faith left in us



(mean while, back at the hall of justice...)

way too much for one day

Chestocrates is posting internet videos and Notorious is in the face book. I will continue my silent and archaic protest against social networking sites and yet somehow manage to convince myself I'm better by sticking to Blogger and Linked-In.

(lalalalalalala I can't hear you)

Then again, change is inevitable and even old military rivals can mend fences. To that point, i've spent 3 of my last 4 weeks in Ohio and almost no one mentions the old wars days.

(Though it did come up once when i was beating those guys at billiards)






-----------Society-----------

--It's pretty simple: Take the traditional wisdom and tell everyone the opposite. It's Orwellian, Bush-esq and why shouldn't it work now?


--i will admit, it's a nice take down... but for riding a bike?




--I have a Man-crush on Zach Braff after watching Garden State last night and learning of his role in the whole thing. Hey J.D.: wanna hang out later? We could ride motorcycles? (Am i the only one that made the connection of Zach Braff roles and odd motorcycles?)


----------Science----------

--Speaking of the Olympics (of which we no longer do, because i decided not to post that video), I caught the opening ceremony (at least 1 of it's 27 hours) at the local Sushi hole. Anyone who knows about my side projects knows they typically involve LEDs and Batteries. Well I've been using some Chinese sources for these parts and now i see why: they've got them all. Billions of LEDs. The whole fucking stadium and everyone in it was covered in them. (of course, seeing an army of LED suits also proves that they're still stealing other technologies and making them better, those bastards)


--Here is a video that will make you smrt. Unfortunately fuel cells will never be the next combustion engine. They won't be found in every car on the planet and they're prohibitively costly, complex and delicate. Or at least i think i think this now.

In related news, I have to admit that Bill O'rielly isn't as biased as the liberal media leads me to believe. Nas DOES NOT AGREE.


--Who would think this is a good idea?. (Sigh... have I become one of the crazies with the foil hat?)


------------other------------

A year ago this time i was living on a small Grecian island off the coast of Turkey.

On one particular day, about a year and a week ago, were walking and came to the base of the small mountain behind the village. We decided we needed to be at the top ASAP, probably because there was no trail and this was a good way to work the previous day's alcohol out of our systems. First we walked and then we climbed. Later there was a road and some old Italian military buildings. The goal was simple and the reward at the top unexpected: an ice cream shop and puppies... (The possibility was briefly considered that we had died en route)



The beginning:



The road was not easy:




But mountain men are born, not made:







We look back to check out progress:



And stop for science:



At the top, there is an oasis with ice cream and puppies and we great the puppies:



The puppies attack:



We use sticks and ice cream to beat the puppies back:



The puppies win and we are enslaved by their fuzziness:





There's a summer storm outside and i want to go check it out

Ladder Redux

In the before time, Notorious introduced us to Ladder theory. I admit, i didn't pay it much attention the first time, but now that I've been brought back to the theory, reintroduced to Notorious' love for this science, and had several car-ride hours to ponder it's validity, I've decided to revisit the concept: I should have realized why it never took hold.


(to make my arguments more believable, please site my stolen internet pictures)

I'm pretty sure Ladder Theory is mostly bunk. It's like saying you need to head north but to what destination... I'm not sure. In fact, I'm not even sure what purpose it is trying to serve because It provides no answers!

--I guess we're meant to realize that people rate potential mates and rank them accordingly... Fair enough. But then what? Why do these rankings have to suffer a First-In-First-Out linear existence? (more on this in a moment)

--Why would women get two ladders? It seems arbitrary... why not one that is connected or an infinite number that vary in weight and severity?

--How the hell do you use it? Just because I know F=MA, how will i know that shaving 100lbs out of the Fiat will make it go faster? How can I determine where those 100lbs can be lost?

--Lastly, Ladder theory provides a false sense of understanding that will more than likely undermined your goals. Man or woman, armed with this new tool, you've either convinced yourself you're stuck on the un-bang-able rung and abandoned all hope or placed yourself squarely on the ready-to-rock bang-tastic position before carrying out the degree of execution such a scenario would require. Either way you've stacked the cards against yourself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this buzz is wearing off and using ladder theory for anything other than drunken debate is like giving a monkey Newton's second law of motion and expecting him/her to pilot a successful space program. Perhaps as a simple law i could buy in but the point that is conveniently skirted is the random nature of human interaction. It's impossible to predict the varying conditions that might alter a person's reaction to another. Booze, drugs, funny t-shirts, history, love, marriage, obligation, head injury, chemical imbalance, gravitational pull, solar flares and magnet influences are in constant flux and simply identifying a universal constant such as "we rate" will not get the variables out of the denominator.

Of course if we concede that ladder theory is analogous to Newton's which-ever law of motion then one might be looking for the text equivalent of, say, Applied Newtonian Physics. I'd suggest it lies somewhere between Niel Strauss' "The Game" and/or "How to Pick Up Trashy Women," which incidentally exists only in a 1985 John Cusack flick; I'll let you all decide which is most applicable.

What's my point?

1) Math is to physics as masturbation is to sex
2) In the hierarchy of life, there's always a customer whose drinkers you're supposed to buy and a supplier who is willing to buy your drinks
3) I'm just a guy in an Ohio motel room with free internet and too much 5 hour energy



By denying you comments i am ensuring all of your opinions are wrong, especially if you agree with me.

hot fun in the summertime

Ive have been spending and will continue to spend many days in Ohio. It's where the things the pay me to dream up are built. By monkeys. Organized monkeys. But still monkeys. Turns out Dayton is a decent enough place. But some of the outlying communities is real backwards. Real backwards.



On patriotic running:

I was running last weekend. I was destined for failure; It was stupid hot that day and i was out under the sun's peak. Also, i was under-hydrated and think i skipped the last night's dinner. I set out on a 4 mile square but the first quarter is down hill and I burned way too bright to make it the rest of the way. Things looked bleak. As i rounded the first corner, i noticed an old man on the same general path but he had deviated an extra distance that carried him past a veteran's memorial. I wasn't paying particular attention but i knew he was wearing a hat, was over dressed for the weather and had to be old as dirt. As i was passing, i saw movement from over there- his hand going up, and then again as he passed the second flag, which he was obviously saluting. I gave him the nod and rounded that bend to started up the first incline. I didn't have any problem staying motivated after that. Knowing that old bastard was back there and any surrender would require me to turn around and go back past him, defeated, was unacceptable. His generation wins this one.

While running I passed the local swimming commune. Thinking of joining? I was. Of course, you'll have to pay the fees... Fucking rich people. (you'd think for over a grand a year plus deposit to use the fucking pool, it wouldn't be hard to get in. YOU'D BE WRONG!)

Fucking fuckers. They tell me it's some kind of bullshit status thing to join this club. It's a fucking hole in the ground with water!



Then again, things are hard everywhere. I'll start my own club. Bastards.

your reponse?

touche

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but when I became a man, I put away childish things

--Paul, Chapter 13, verse 11














Shoot, I don't listen to that kiddy crap anymore; I'm kickin' the adult jams now. See, check it. MC Pee Pants doesn't just want candy now, that's childish. He needs it. And when you need something that's a responsibility that only an adult (sees chocolate bunnies)..of my maturity.. Bunnies!
--Meatwad

I'm back bitches

It's not that the movie "The Mist" has a particularly surprising ending... (Though it does differ from the book) (That's right, i'm going to be one of those people that compares a movie to the book as a discrete yet effective way of letting you know i read it. Like a douchebag)

It's just so well executed

from work

I am now 10 days without cable or internet.

I've been building myself and other stuff to pass the time.

At first it hurt but now i'm convinced i will cancel my cable once the problem is fixed, and keep only the internet on tap.

I needs me some internet.

Shatner!

Shatner is at it again. Would i trade the rest of my years for the rest of his? hmm....

Lots of Cobasys in the news. Hard to miss in you live in Detroit.

Remember frisbee? It was a lot like this... but not exactly. (Frisbee!)

This happened to me last week

crotch-y

I'm pretty sure if there was a "how to" guide for making zombies, this would be step one.

Elsewhere, Jon points out that not EVERY Detroit after-hours party goes un-busted. Yes, it sucks when the gang-squad-esq anti-terrorist force ills your mellow. (Since when is loitering a car-impound-able offense?)

Finally, it turns out Meg Griffin is retarded hot, even when pumping gasoline.

Even more finally, i learned that AAA insurance will not insure what they refer to as "crotch rockets" no matter who you are. That seems odd to me. Like saying "we don't insure sports cars." How does one define such a hard to define class of vehicle? I'm pretty sure the word crotch doesn't appear on any vehicular title, anywhere. (Okay, maybe some Fiats, but that's only because i made that title myself with magazine clippings and gold star stickers)

the same but different

A while ago I was speculating wildly about start-up companies claiming they can make cars, having never done so before. The WSJ got in on the action. Here's there list. Fisker and Tesla are the only ones with the slightest chance.



I also talked a bunch of trash about gas prices. So have these guys but it's probably not worth reading.



Here's some stuff about robots but this guy is just painting a target on his back. (i think robots are becoming the new fetish of the indie-crowd that zombies seized a couple years back. It makes me feel dirty)

I recommend "Iron Man" and the HBO movie, "Recount." Unfortunately the former will make you constantly question the validity of their science and the latter will so the same, but differently.

Best of Luck to our comrade Notorious:

Save yourselves!

Do not watch the new Indiana Jones Movie. It is fucking pants-on-head retarded. The only purpose it serves it to occasionally remind us of movies from our childhood via lame and uncreative references to the previous movies. The plot is a fucking predictable joke but no one is laughing and the only time you will be surprised is when something so unthinkably insane happens that you're questioning whether you actually left the house this evening or if perhaps you just blacked out from fumes emanating off the cocktail of deadly cleaning agents you were employing to clean up last night's solo-circle-jerk, and this is all just an unimaginable hallucination.


It is not.

do not watch this movie.

I've got a lot of other topics i want to cover here but i'm too. fuck. tired. However, i could not allow this movie to be released on the world and not at least warn the others as soon as possible.

no proof.

or whatever

The Sophist Institute of Wizardry has been running some numbers. It goes like this:

1) By July $4/gal gas will seem like a dream so sweat we won't even know for sure if it ever happened. $5 easy. $6 in 16 months. Eventually the feds will step up and do something stupid to help rather than implement worth-while and long term solutions like public transportation or funding for impotent battery technology.

2) People become desperate for cheaper transportation. 12 year old electric cars (even with shit batteries) will continue to sky rocket in price. Other wares to invest in 6 months ago:

Permanent magnet DC motors
Electric bike motors and conversion kits
Rickshaw services
Electric car conversion kits
Gas Scooters
Used Honda Civics
LiFePo batteries
Bicycles

3) Pain ensues but we all survive (unless gas tops $6/gal- then i think we may all die.)

3) The market is finally flooded with decent quality, high MPG cars. Bikes and scooters and motorcycles are finally available in electric versions with batteries in decent supply at a realistic price. Supply and demand balances and everything is fine.

In related news, the sophist e-bike is back on the road after be sidelined by catastrophic metal fatigue. Now i can finally get that shopping list wrapped up.

Deathwedding!

Everyone needs to watch this.

For reals. It is totally worth it and stuff.





"It's fun to watch somebody go through family hell"

















okay, okay... I can't help but drop a hint. It involves strip clubs in Wisconsin.

yeah, I knoW!

F.I.A.T.

You'd be surprised how hard it is to post a link in craigslist to a webpage with the title "fornicating in a topless" and have a post contained "italian redhead," even if you are trying to sell a Fiat.

You will get flagged like a mutha-fucka

anyway, updates.

Green

Speaking of green, finally some noise on the wind front. They pretty much hit on the head:

-20% is the projected amount of unreliable wind/solar energy you can run a national power grid with. I've always heard 40%. Regardless, if we had some sort of energy storage system to smooth out those inconsistencies... some kind of battery of storage systems... yes.

-The grid is the current weakness. Think of it as the matrix, but more likely to fall on it's face.

-Distributed power is the ultimate hippie dream. Of course, hippie or not, it doesn't mean you can't disconnect and run your shit of the grid. I recommend it.


Then again, carbon emissions are often the least of our worries.

watch your popped collar

bro rape

insert vague reference to the following:

Been some pissing and moaning about lack up updates. Fair enough.

Been staying busy:

-Rode the motorbike for the first time around the lot and ordered me this helmet. Jay-Fry says I need fork seals and new tires. Chain needs a little help too but all that stuff should be pretty easy. Also, damn thing won't idle at zero choke but that might clear itself up when i get it on the open road

-Made my way to Stos' and repaired the Fiat (see image below). Turns out the engine ate the impeller blades on the water pump. I also replaced the radiator which amazingly even though it was stated as being a '79 part, it refused to fit into a '79 front end. Self tapping screws played a big roll in that opera.

Technically it's still for sale but now that it runs i may need to enlist it again. That is unless you got $3400 burning a hole?

-Some other stuff.

-Saw the movie Iron Man. (Get ready for mild spoilers) Overall I'd say it was very good. More science fiction than science fact, but i do not penalize it. Was doing a good job of blearing the lines between good and bad until the end when they inserted the absolutely evil guy who is absolutely evil for seemingly no good reason other than to fight Iron Man.

-Teaching myself how to use fiberglass matte to build stuff.

-Playing Urban Dead for 6 minutes a day.

-Wrap it all up with some humorous comment. Cant quite care to exert.

wh- what?

Captain Ron has nudity. Nipples. I just seens it with mine own eyes.

Then i confirmed it with the internets

for some reason this deeply unsettles me.

news day

One
two
three
four

Your assignment is to read the above links. Compare and contrast the underlying mechanisms with specific attention paid to social, cultural, institutional and religious burden.

Keep your papers to yourself. Everyone receives an A for showing up.

Surrounded by it

It's the topic at the dinner table; it payed for college.

Dad built roads, mom built cars.

The automotive monster is ever present every day.

a softer world

source

(Damn this robot soul)