I will bite your torso

This is good I thought. But a lot of people are still pissed. And their's some mercury involved. (Hurray for the gray area of life) Perhaps the others think politician's time could be better spent.

Cash-Money, though?

In unrelated news, though the movie itself wasn't all that, I HIGHLY recommend the soundtrack to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie.


Artist: Mastodon Lyrics
Song: Cut You Up With A Linoleum Knife Lyrics
Genre: Death Metal

Don't talk, watch!
Don't talk, watch!
You came here. Watch it.
Don't like it? Walk out.
We still have all your ****ing money.

Do not nudge, kick or jiggle the seat in front of you.
I'm sitting there!
I am everywhere at once
and I will cut you up.

If you make out here,
I will cut your lips and tongue
from your head
with a linoleum knife.

Do not explain the plot.
If you don't understand, then you should not be here.
Your money is our money
and we will spend it on drugs.

Do not crinkle your food wrappers loudly.
Be considerate to others,
or I will bite your torso
and give you a disease.

Did you bring your baby?
Babies don't watch this.
Take the seed outside. Leave it in the streets.
Run over it after the show.

If I see you videotaping this movie,
Satan will rain down your throat with hot acid
and dissolve your testicles
and turn your guts into snakes.

This is copyrighted movie for Time Warner.
If I find that you've sold it on eBay,
I will break into your house
and tear your wife in half.

At least it's warm now

Apparently, not since we had to bail their sorry asses out of Double-you Double-you Two, have we as a people been more disappointed with the performance of the British Armed Forces.

Also, it's become obvious that since it's unethical to test execution drugs (you know... with science) they're not exactly working (you know... all the time)

Left hand: allow me to introduce you to Right hand.

Now who wants to be my friend?

I find that duck's opinions of me is very much based on whether or not i have bread

I have added the Cespool to my link bar. It features articles such as "Physcological Color Profile" and "Everybody loves a Whore."

Enjoy

You can't stop the signal

It's Fiat driving season and I'm a Fiat-Driving man.

beating the drum

It seems in Virginia there was a whole classroom of students that laid down and waited patiently while some dude walked up and down the desk-rows executing mutherfuckers. It says so here. This makes me feel ways about things.

In un-related news, (thanks to Jon's willingness to show me the way), I've been preaching the power and unstoppable coolness of Google's free online utilities. Google pedometer may have actually been developed by someone else, but it builds off the ultra-awesome Google maps. I love it. (Works for bike routes also. Of course, these aren't my real routes because then you could memorize and predict my patterns, thus making a clean and inexplicable assassination easier.)

by discovering and sharing this particular Google technology, i am convinced Lois Lane is not simply trying to steal my medication. Good for her.

Can i have 4 beers?

Seuth-sayers have been predicting peak oil dates since the 50's, so here we are again.

Think of it this way: Everything will be fine so long as such scientists are wrong every time.


{insert working class hero by john lennon}


Will Ferrell - The Landlord - Funny As Hell - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

as i watch Adult Swim

I think there's a new tattoo in my future this summer.

The internet is full of ideas. I'm trying to decide between tipping my hand or revealing the inner me

Also, the Fiat is back on the road, logging over 30 trouble-free (though "witch's-titty-cold") miles today.

Finally, I think there might be a connection between this story about mate selection and this one about diseases that make your naughty bits fall off.

(look who's back)

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt"

Greatest novelist: DOA

(i haven't felt like this since Douglas Adams died a week after shaking my hand)

Great auto-man knows the score.

(Detroit is on the brink of imploding... Surviving the riotous 60's and gang-ridden 80's. Much like our a for mentioned author friend mused, suicide might have been better than rotting away in our own decay.)

CHEERS!

circle jerk

Let's get this straight. Katie Couric fired the guy who writes her blog, for stealing content from the Wall St. Journal.

I'll repeat that.

Katie has people who produce her "blog," likely born of an attempt to humanize and "make hip with the kids" a women who is essentially a face-puppet but with creepier eyes. Those people steal that data from other sources. Then they get fired.

If you can't find 3 things wrong with this, kill yourself.

For the fellas...

(and the cool chicks, too)

bendy

Those who have lived with me will likely noticed that i strive to minimize the "junk" i have, and I'm always looking for ways to minimize my possessions (other than cars and tools). For some reason, this crazy, folding fork has survived several cleanings of the counter top, leaving it again and again the sole "counter-top" survivor.



I remember it so clearly- It came with a package of instant Tai- not the add water box, but the vacuum sealed, already boiled noodles. The only way to fit a utensil in the small, tradition carry-out-shaped box was to make it a folding utensil, complete with locking mechanism to ensure it would stay folded or opened.



I've had this thing for the better part of 6 months and it even got packaged and moved over to the new apartment. I can't let it go because even though I'm still debating whether I *really* need a bed or not, dammit, i'll never know when I need to conceal a fork in my deepest and most secret places.



I think this could easily be described as low-level OCD, which taken with my other habits, paint a telling picture.



Now I will begin the work of figuring out how to incorporate this engineering marvel with my patented disappearing cigarette/match/napkin trick.

eye opening

As expected, GrindHouse is the greatest movie ever made, and though i can't speak for all of you, chances are if you associated with me in your life, you'll agree.

(Though this guy wasn't exactly in the movie, you do see his gnarled face quite a bit. Seems he's quite a man in real life)

But perhaps the weekend's most amazing event was meeting a particular newly pregnant couple in Ann Arbor that filled me in on how fate smacked them up: Apparently, even though she was on the patch (messed up her dose rotation) and he was using a condom (broke during the act) and they had access to Plan B, or "the morning after pill," (which was administered with the prescribed dosage and timetable) but she still managed to find herself with child. (you can now insert a reference to this being the will of your particular deity).

And I never had sex again.

"Sex here!"

I'll take 7...

100% Death Proof

H point out that Charlton Heston performs his own miracles. (It's people!)

I'm trying to finish the furnishing of my new place and it's proving expensive and complicated. I'm tired of sleeping on an air mattress, but quality replacements run well over a grand. I also need a vacuum. And some knives.


It seems the internet has provided us with a whole new way to exact revenge on unsuspecting fools.

life in the cube farm.

Still April 1st

I will know drop mad engineering humor. (this is what we talk about during the infrequent down times at work... in fact, i'd say 97% of all jokes around there involve an air-graph or ven-diagram)

April Celebration of Fools

Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Paint yourself green and throw forks at her

Q. How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
A. You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

Q. What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A. The Holocaust.

Q. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A. Repeated absences and stealing.

Q. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A. A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that lasts a lifetime.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel stuck to his crotch.
The bartender says, "Hey, you got a wheel stuck to your crotch."
The pirate replies, "Yarr, me ship wrecked in a terrible storm and my testicles swelled with an infection while I was knocked unconscious against the wheel. Can you please call a doctor?"

Q. What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?
A. A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix of the uterus in female mammals.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies:
"I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

Q. Why was six afraid of seven?
A. It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

I be like droppin knowledge

too many "how to" manuals in the world. Figure it out for yourself: It's better that way

However, the breadth of topic is still funny. But seriously, you need figure out how to date a stripper on your own... or learn from your dad/brother/priest


(the derivative of Batman should be Bruce Wayne or the integral of Bruce Wayne = Batman... Fucking amateurs)

Why aren't I sleeping?

Because I can't stop watching episodes of BattleStar Galactica. It's Too Damn Good.

Tyrol: You know, we need to figure out whose side we're on.
Tigh: Which side are we on. We're on the side of the demons, Chief. We're evil men in the gardens of paradise, sent by the forces of death to spread devastation and destruction wherever we go. I'm surprised you didn't know that.

Fucking Brilliant.

Briefly

Okay. China, We FUCKING get it already, you're better than the west. Let it go. (I could do a lot of things if i had 6 foot arms)

The real question is, if a strange woman appears and masturbates on your couch, would you throw it (them) away?

I suppose you could apply the theory of unexplained bacon to identify this as a ninja trap... but if I have to live a life forever questioning the origins of mystery bacon and masturbating strangers, i don't want to live that life.

I wasn't hungry anyway

Also,

It can always be worse.

i can't help but post this

(what else can't I help?)

classic good time

I'm sure everything is fine

In unrelated news we're all still fucked.