detroit xmas memoirs

Xmas has proved to be an infinite source of gossip-able goings on yet again.

Got me a torque wrench, box wrench set and tire iron, as well as some legos and a nerf sniper rifle. (watch your back nerf men who happen within 15-25 feet of my room)

Now to spend two weeks off work while laughing my way all the way to the bank.

In case you live in a box...

...and haven't seen this yet:



(watch out for dicks in that box)

This makes me laugh:

STATE SECRETS!!!
(why doesn't my celly work?)

should be studying

interesting take on life. (don't forget to hit "next" at the bottom of each page)

crazy bastard. Maybe someone here knows him.

look closely here and here from the latest shuttle mission. NASA is pro ipod.

Also, if you're this guy, you've probably got a lot of stories like this.

Gift Giving Ideas

There's an old saying that goes: You don't give a chef a cook book. (or then again, maybe i just made it up- hard to say exactly). Regardless, the theory is, if the gift recipient in question is a professional/hard core hobbiest at activity X, they likely have all the necessary required gear and are particularly picky when it comes to wares relating to said activity.

for example:
Nestorius: Don't bother buying him those aviator sun-glasses or spare propellers.
Chest: He'll choose his own implements of death based on a multi-point consideration of factors such as handiness, effectiveness, and self-urination-inducing-ness.
Munkey Stephens: Has plenty of antennas, military contracts and plush monkeys
Wildman: No need- He's married now and doesn't feel ways about things anyhow...

I think that's enough people for now and I've probably gotten myself into enough trouble anyhow. After making that list and reflecting on this group of misfits, I realized there's a glaring exception to this rule, which is professional drinkers would always appreciate more booze.

Consumers need to consume (it's an old saying, from way back, i suspect...)

Good luck with your missions.

Nerf Justice! (subtitle: i am your god now)

look here.

I asked for one of these months ago, when i first sauntered into a Toy's 'R Us one rare weekend with little do.

Trying to fill the hole in my soul, I bought each of my nieces and nephews one of these fuly auto, two clip, air powered death machines for Xmas. (...and there was a fire fight!)

Just picture three juveniles of justice stalking 'round the xmas tree the morning of the 25th. Their combined fire power will be equal to that of some smaller (less gun-friendly) nations. (assuming of course one nerf bullet were to equal one real bullet) The problem is i need something with which to defend myself; that's where the sniper rifle comes into play- It's time for their older, wiser uncle to teach them the worth of a single well placed nerf round. Of justice.

back to links

Also, Ann Coulter gets predictably served by a liberal media host.



I really want a Wii now, but refuse to wait or camp in any sort of line to get it.

Yesterday I informed my boss (in a much more civil manner than described here) that he can take my job and come the end of the working year, he can tuuuurn that sumbitch sideways, and he can shove it up his candy ass. (jabroni)



Today, he says to me: what if our company which we currently work for but you are contract while I am full time, were to offer you a full time position in our hybrid vehicle development program? Would you stay? (background: my boss has always known that my only reason for working where i work was the desperate hope that one day they'd convert me to a full time, i.e. non-contract employee and let me work on hybrid or electric cars. I've always made that known. But apparently when he told HIS boss about my departure, she was so gosh darned determined to keep me, she probably said "what does he want to stay?" And big boss man searched the depths of his cranial being and came to the conclusion that HEVs was for Mes. Bigger Boss Lady then decided she could make that happen and asked him to throw it back at me. Wow, that was a long "background") Anyway, I'm always shocked at the depths of planing and goings-on, like gears and mechanisms that are always churning just out of site. Anyway, it's all just idle talk right now, and as good an offer as it seems, it cant beat what i got lined up for the beginning of next year

Update

Doc says I'm suffering from allergies. The bad news, which no one came out and said but I inferred by reading between the lines of dialog is that you can't really treat allergies, just the symptoms. Incidently, what kind of young, attractive, female doctor wears knee-high black leather boots and a plaid skirt underneath her doctor's cloak, which ends somewhere well above her knees? At least well, you know, why waste it at the office...

On my way out I accepted a prescription but declined a super-dose shot to kick off the treatment, because I'm a big fat baby around needles. The doc then complained that i hadn't had a physical in something like a decade (apparently taking your shirt off and making the wind blow trough the tree-muscles doesn't pass as a physical anymore) and told me to come back. I'm going to consider it a second date.

It's not easy being green

Alas,

Here I am blogging at 9am. Turns out what was a small and uncoordinated invading force of head-cold insurgents, turned out to have a "flu-like" strike force of elite delta force solders when called in for back-up. The interesting twist (which there always is, otherwise why would you write about nothing?) is that i actually wanted to at work today so as to tender my resignation.

It's hard to feel guilty about things like "wasted energy and water" when the only place in the word you want to be is at the bottom of the tub while steaming, massaging water rains down from above, creating a steamy, jungle-esq, nasal-clearing utopia. That is until the water stops coming out warm. For some reason, it all very much reminded me of my 21st birthday.

But i digress.
Turns out if you weren't raised in south-eastern Michigan, you really have no reason to buy a Detroit car. I always knew this was basically true, but it was driven home again after talking to a friend who was looking for a new car. Turns out if your criteria for major life purchases include things like 1) resale value 2) safety 3) price and 4) fuel economy, then the big three have no place in your heart. In fact, said friend even had access to "employee discounts" (which, again, if you live here, you can get any of the major three at an "employee discount") and he still wasn't interested. In that case, who buys these cars? My theory is that the entire U.S. auto industry is supported for the most part by one major group: employees/family of the companies that make these cars

(i wish i could breath)

Munkey Stephens wuz here!

i can't feel feelings

I'm trying to type this as quickly as possible, as I've recently eaten some pills (allergy/sinus pills to be exact) and I can literally feel the detached head/slow-thought/drowsiness overtaking me. Damn my susceptibility to Benedryll.

But i digress. We saw the new Bond flick last night and i was impressed to see they managed to blend classic, Birtish, Bond-esq shenanigans with the old, leathery, tattered American background story of the hard-ass chief that won't let his (or her) men get the job done the way they seem fit. All that damn chief cares about is the mayor's breathing down his (or her) neck and the damn press always seems to have the perfect photo of police brutality. (God dammit Bond, get out of my office; you're off the case.) It might be late to announce this now, but I'm not going to worry about spoiling it for anyone, because i figure we see Bond movies for the shiny colors and not so much the plot twists.

Also i should mention, there's no nudity but there is at least one vague reference to mutual masturbation, not to mention a real torture scene- And I'm not just talking about some dude tying Bond up over a laser-powered toaster oven and watching while the bread ever so slowly darkens.

(I'm having a hard time typing... fingers... feel so sluggish.)

In all, I learned three things from this movie. 1) Always back your car into a parking spot because when the shit jumps off you don't want to have to be turning your ass around. 2) No matter how many push-ups and sit-ups they do, the British will always look goofy. And 3) Should you choose to patron a theater that sells beer, plan on leaving the flick at least twice to empty your bladder.

Speaking of beer, I've been spending my days at the Wayne State Library working on my 50 page term paper, and happen to run into one of my classmates. Since it was Saturday and i was in comfort mode, I was wearing an old tattered MTU shirt, which said classmate happen to comment on. The conversation went something like this:

a: So what was it like up there?
b: i like to think of it as a shared traumatic experience
a: it is true what the say about the girls?
b: you'd be surprised what you can accomplish without the distraction of women (cries a little inside)
a: so i guess if you're a real techy, you should be able to drink us all under the table, right? (motioning haphazardly to himself, his project-partner, the homeless guy next to them and about 8 foreign dudes)
b: let's rock this

As I looked out upon the corpses in the library that day, their hearts slowly beating their last beats as blood in their veins was displaced by alcohol, I realized something: People are going to look at me as half god, half alcoholic, half gay for the rest of my life, all based on my college of undergrad. And that's a lot of halfs.

Of course, on the other hand, you have different fingers. Neither of which can feel my face.

my sins

Grad school is the suxor. I'm sitting at the coffee shop absorbing free internets and working on whats quickly becoming a 10k word paper on the nature of absorbed hydrogen storage devices. Here's a little taste:

method of catalyst introduction has proven critical in hydrogen absorption and desorption rates. It is a universal practiced that all catalysts/hydride mixtures are combined under an atmosphere of argon to prevent poisoning from additives such as water to prevent oxidation of reactive materials. Initial catalytic doping performed by Bogdanovic, et al was carried out by recystallization of a solution suspended NaAlH₄ with soluble titanium compounds. This initial “wet doped” material, was hydrogen cycle-able at ~150 °C and much preferable to pure sodium aluminum hydride, seen in figure XXX below. However, by “dry doping” the alanate crystalline solid host by mechanically mixing a titanium catalyst proved to lower desorption activation temperature to ~120 °C [6]

I was so bore/desperate to avoid actual work, that I started reading my old blog entries from the 04's. I was pretty dissapointed to see that my work has devolved from this largely amusing and yet par for the day explosion of verbosity to what you've forced yourself to read for the last months; a hodgepodge of mediocre links and staccato ramblings, just barely on the happy side of "sentence fragment."

I shall do my best to amend this crime against the elite world of bloggers, never again forgetting the blogger's motto: When in doubt, show some celebrity cooter! (click for ginomous version)



(it should be noted that i am also acting as a responsible member of the internet community by hosting this picture my damn self after spending at LEAST 4 minutes searching it out, which we all know is life time in "teh internets" world. Damn bandwidth exceeders. Also, yay cooter.)

see title of blog

former struggler jon got me in to see this guy talk about his robot car.

What hath god wrought?

the inevitable

kramer.

so much to do

so little time.

Here's two stories that may
have slipped under your radar.

This is Bob. He was a decent man and
we're not gonna bury him in the fucking
garden

In the mean time, i have found a renewed
vigor for the cause. I feel surrounded by
opportunity. I feel like raising a few hundred
thousand to finance a (viable, non-hippie
ridden) off-grid community to pedal to well
to do greens that don't have the time or
energy to live in a mountain. (fucking home-
work is always getting in the way of life.)

"If we don't have a proactive energy policy, we'll just end up using coal, then shale, then tar sands, and it will be a continually diminishing return, and eventually our civilization will collapse. But it doesn't have to end that way. We have a choice."

part 2

Nobody would touch the "enjoy anal sex" pills, (which i happened to think was quite funny) so I'm going to try again:

More found here.

it would seem the older we get, the freer and more explicit the the sexual details become.



http://www.gapingvoid.com/

mtu =/ wsu

2) October 2006 Campus Crime Summary:

ROBBERY: Five incidents of robbery or attempted robbery were reported during October 2006. The first occurred on October 10th at 8:00pm when a female student reported she was walking out of Science Hall when an unknown subject came up behind her. The subject suddenly grabbed at the students backpack. While struggling for control over the backpack, the student grabbed her pepper spray and sprayed the subject in the face. The subject let go of the back pack and started screaming from the effects of the pepper spray. The student ran to Parking Structure #2 and called police. A search of the area failed to locate the subject. The student was not injured and no property was taken. The subject is described as a black male in his 20's, 5'8", medium build, short natural hair, no facial hair, wearing a black shirt with 'WSU' written across the front.

The second incident occurred on October 14th on Antony Wayne Drive at W. Kirby at 11:35pm when a 19 year old male student reported that he was
approached him on foot. The subject suddenly ripped the Complainants Cartier brand prescription glasses off his face and fled on foot. The Complainant was not injured. He described at the subject as a black male, 19 years of age, 5'6" 149 lbs, wearing a black skull cap, black jacket and dark pants.

The third incident occurred on October 15th at 1:10am when an 18 year old male student stated he was about the enter the South Residence Hall when the below subject approached him from one side. The unknown subject suddenly ripped the victims gold chain from his neck, breaking the chain. The subject attempted to run off with the chain and was chased by the Complainant. The running subject was spotted by responding WSUPD Officers who caught and arrested him. The gold chain, valued at $1,000, was recovered and Complainant, who was not injured, later refused to prosecute the perpetrator for the robbery.

The fourth incident occurred on October 16th at 1:05pm at Trumbull and the Edsel Ford Service Drive. In that case, a male WSU student stated he was driving his 2005 Dodge Durango and was involved in a 'fender bender' accident with a 1993 Saturn. When he pulled to the curb, two make subjects got out of the Saturn and up to the Durango. The student rolled his window down to talk with the two subjects when the started punching him through the open window. The second subject ran to the passenger side and dragged the student from his vehicle while taking the students wallet and cell phone. The first subject jumped into the student Durango and attempted to drive away.
Witnesses called WSUPD and responding Officers arrived while the incident was still in progress. Officers subsequently arrested the 15 and 18 year old male subjects and charged them with attempted carjacking. Two female companions were also arrested when the attempted to interfere with the arrest of the two male subjects. The male student was not seriously injured.

The fifth incident occurred on October 26th at 12:30pm when WSUPD Officers on patrol spotted what appeared to be an "in-progress" fight in front of 4855 Fourth, WSU Engineering Technology building. During their on-scene investigation, the Officers learned that the WSU staff member was confronted by an unknown subject whom he recognized him from previous thefts from inside the building. The victim, a WSU staff member, struggled with the subject who was trying to flee on a bicycle. During the struggle, the subject displayed a lock blade knife and threatened to cut the victim if he didn't let him escape. WSUPD Officers arrested the subject and found a lock back knife in his possession, along with a calculator the subject was just taken from the building. Because the subject used a knife in this incident, he was charged with Robbery Armed. WSUPD Investigators submitted a warrant package to the Wayne County Prosecutors Office and later obtained a two count felony warrant char!
ging Robbery Armed and Habitual Offender - 4th Offense. The subject, who remains in the Wayne County Jail, is identified as Julius Lane Wilson, age 48 of Churchill street, Detroit. He has no WSU affiliation.

A sixth near campus robbery occurred on October 31, 2006 at 8:00pm when a male student reported he was walking on the Lodge Service Drive, near Warren when approx. 10 black males, in their mid teens approached him. As they walked past the student, one of the subjects reached out and grabbed the students prescription glasses off his face. The group of ten teens then ran northbound on the freeway service drive. The student was not injured.

BURGLARY: Nine incidents of Burglary, Attempted Burglary, or Entry without Force were reported during October. The campus building involved were: DeRoy Apartments, A/AB Building, the Towers (2 incidents), Student Center Building (2 incidents), South Residence Hall (2 incidents) and the University Psychiatric Center at 2761 E. Jefferson.

LARCENY: A total of forty-three (43) incidents of larceny (theft of unattended property) were reported during October 2006...almost twice as many as reported during August and September. Items left unattended (and later discovered missing) by their owners include wallets, cell phones, purses, text books and even laptop computers.

VEHICLE THEFT: Two vehicles were reported stolen from WSU parking facilities during October. On October 21st, a 2001 Chrysler Town and County mini van was reported stolen from WSU Lot UT at 4510 Cass. On October 26th, a 2000 Dodge Caravan mini van was discovered missing from 555 E. Canfield across from Scott Hall/Medical school.

Near campus vehicle thefts, from area streets, sky rocketed during October 2006 with twenty vehicles reported to WSUPD during October. This is almost twice the number of incidents as reported in "normal" previous months. These incident include:

I will now blow up your mind with content

you better god damned watch this first movie