worms in my brain get them out

As mentioned, i have very limited internet access at work; almost completely utilitarian in nature, we get sites like Map-quest, weather.com and one that was just recently added, MSNBC. At first i thought it would be nice to have a ready internet distraction during the all too frequent down times and when i can't stand another piece of alternative energy literature without incurring the onset of seizures. But like most grand ideas, (most notably, the idea of "a stripper wife") this was not as great as it would seem.

Look, the problem is i have too much time, enough to read every article MSNBC has published in a week. It's too much and at the same time not enough... first i start on a national level. these articles about the war, they just don't mean anything by themselves, like looking at a mural through a pin-hole. See, today, i read about John Walker Lindh. He was a freedom fighter, see and he was fighting against the northern alliance with a team the U.S. supported back when john first went into the bush. Then things changed and everyone switched sides. They say he thought he was being rescued by U.S. forces when they picked him up; boy was he wrong. But then again, did he start the prison riot that killed that CIA official? One story with so many perspectives. things aren't going as well as some would like you to believe. A lot of people die but a lot of people don't; they just get blown up and put back together.

There was another article; it was about famous football players who get killed in the war by friendly fire and normal people who get the same thing. It told us about letters home that say they were heros and how many unfriendlies were killed by that person and the way to keep up moral is to keep FF on the DL. It was here because i saved it and now it's gone forever even though MSNBC keeps articles online for months after they're published. And then i wonder if i ever even read that article and think quietly "is anyone keeping track of this?"

See, the average person would never have time to read all this crap everyday, but then when you do, it's like a curse. Right, here's the problem: we weren't there and we'll never really know what happened. In fact, even if we were there, we'd only know what happened from our side of the room and that doesn't tell you a damn thing about what the other guy saw let lone why those people where doing that thing they may or may not have done. Does it make any sense? It's like when you ask for someone's opinion and they try to see things from your perspective but they can't because your perspective is built off a lifetime of experience that can never be fully understood even by you, let alone the guy in the cube across from you who just disappeared one day because his "legal issues" caught up with him and his wife thought the judge was going to go in the guy's favor especially with the baby involved but it didn't work out that way and no-one every saw him after that. Too much but not enough. I think his name was Ron because that's the person people ask for now when they walk by his desk two or three times and say "didn't ron sit over here?" and i say who?

i think i'm going to take a little time off to work on my car.