blog EXPLOSION! (am i drunk?)

"The liberty of man consists solely in this, that he obeys the laws of nature because he has himself recognized them as such, and not because they have been imposed upon him externally by any foreign will whatsoever, human or divine, collective or individual."
--Mikhail Bakunin


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JON STEWART: I was convinced an Obama/McCain campaign would be measurably different on almost all standards. And to watch it become Bush/Kerry, Bush/Gore, has been one of the most dissatisfying experiences.

STEPHEN COLBERT: That means it's not an Obama/McCain campaign. It's a Guys Who Work for Bush/Guys Who Work for Kerry campaign. Both sides have people who are just smart enough to know "We need to tweak this dial right here," so of course voters are divided 50/50 between the parties. When the 2000 election was down to 14 voters in Boca deciding the whole thing, I thought, "'Wow, that's great! It really is a political science! They've found a way to put electrodes in people's hands, and a probe up their butt, show them images, and say 'See how they respond!'"

STEWART: That's why you think to yourself, "Hey, couldn't you guys tie for $10 million, instead of a trillion? Does it really cost that much money to tie?"

Good stuff from the comedy central

COLBERT: The idea that Lehman Brothers doesn't get any money and AIG does reminds me very much of ''Iran is a mortal enemy because they have not achieved a nuclear weapon. But North Korea is a country we can work with, because they have a nuclear weapon.'' The idea is, Get big or go home. How big can you f--- up? Can you f--- up so bad that you would ruin the world economy? If it's just 15,000 who are out of jobs, no. You have to actually be a global f---up to get any help.

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It's becoming pretty obvious that i need to find a new job.




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Science:

The kids are using the the Hulu I assure you.

This seems... Dubious. I can give you 5 reasons.

But if it's true.. you can sign me up.

(not for this reason... well, not ONLY that reason.)

The Chinese: Not fucking around.

The Japanese: Not fucking around.


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Not science

best mix up ever

Well, kind of science... but also sex. But then again, it's kind of the same thing, right?



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Finally, i will mention that i am two tattoos richer but will not sully their awesomeness by spewing their picture all over the internet where any peter picture picker or harry hacker can copy paster and distribute at his/her will. Instead i will insist that you appear in person and convince me to de-shirt if you want to bask in their wicked awesomeness. That is all.



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Guess what: The H is O.

Come tomorrow morning i'm gonna have Glen Fry Stank all over me.

(Why would you SHOW me that?!)

Dallas Texas

(who are you?)


Seriously Dallas Texas, how can you hit this blog so much? I've put a bit of thought into this and come up with some theories:


1) You're a robot. If this is the case I'll see you in robot hell (well, not exactly. I'll be in person hell, which has more fire but no electro-static discharge machines or high powered magnets.) Regardless, lets not forget that this whole deal started as a robot extermination service several years ago when i was getting in on the ground floor of what will obviously be a key future service. This scenario is moderately likely.

2) You're a friend of one of my friends, probably one of which also has a blog and/or webpage that i have referenced here before or in turn has linked back to me. You're not particularilly interested in "knowing" me per say, but you've decided to read up on the last 4 years of my ramblings. You probably like the pretty pictures. This scenario is almost impossible.

3) You are the government/CIA/FBI/BLT/NSA/ELF/ATF/QWERTY/etc. This scenario is likely unlikely... unless it's not.

4) You're not actually a single person but the shared I.P. address of an entire house/sorority that has fallen deeply in lust with my witty verse and complete disregard for "falling in line" with the "the Man's agenda." You probably attend an small, private, over-bearing, all female school and you're likely rich and wearing skimpy uniforms. This is obviously the most plausible scenario.

Whatever the case, you obviously didn't have a lot going on Sunday night. (of course, well, neither did I)



But lets be serious. We all know that you are obviously an extremely attractive female that either wants to sleep with me or harvest my kidneys and various other organs. This is actually perfect because I'm highly interested in meeting anyone with either of those agendas. I figure at the end of the night, whether the objective (which every one it is) is met or not, I'm gonna have a hell of a story. This is probably why I'm so partial to Russian Strippers; They have nearly a 70% chance of wanting to sleep with you, harvest your organs, or both.

Think about how much fun THAT blind would be: You'd have to be SUPER on your toes!


...


Wait... What were we talking about?

No Rain

1) Michigan

It has not stopped raining for the last 3 days. The rain fall has simply varied from steady to down pour, back to steady. This has severely limited my ability to enjoy recent motorcycle upgrades or continue working on the small details (clutch adjustment, headlight aim, decal removal, etc). I did take the opportunity to enjoy a spectacular 8 mile run in the rain, but the wet shoes/socks led to some monster blisters that have left me couch-ridden and cursing the weather gods and organizing digital music into playlists.

2) Recent Addictions



A recent XKCD comic and a little bird together inspired me to write Haiku's about the women of science. I think i could have worked in some pretty words had i not been at work. Things are strange there now.


Bring me a woman
Speaking with a learned tongue
I will bring the beer


I'm also solidly addicted to Post Secret. Solidly.




Woman of science
Confident understanding
A challenge I seek


To note:
I think we all knew that guys have no sense of their league but it's good to see science catching up to bar logic.


Best you stand back
My science is conducted
With women of wit


3) A Story

Somewhere around 1997/1998 i was looking for an email address that would be anonymous and free. Hotmail was free and by not using some form of my own name (as most people were doing those days) i could cover the anonymous part. As it were i was in the midst of a ideologies class and had taken a shining to Mikhail Bakunin as a pretty forward thinking guy. Such became mikhailbakunin(at)hotmail(dot)com, an email address that i've carried with me for the last 10 years. (Keep in mind that by telling this story here i realize I'm killing the anonymous part. Whatever.)

Anyway, when teh Myspace became popular, i was never much interested in taking part, but i did need to occasionally check out what other people were up to, which was only possible if you had a Myspace account. Thus was born (circa 2005ish) Mikhail Bakunin on Myspace, again, as far as i could tell anonymous. As chance would have it, i noticed i was getting a LOT of friend requests the last couple months. I mean, i always got random spammer friend requests, but this seemed like an over the top amount. I logged into teh Myspace for the first time in, maybe, 18 to 24 months, to find this:

http://www.myspace.com/mikhailbakunin

Wat was once a mostly blank page featuring just a few of my more choice photographs, is now a full-blown dedication to the 18th century Russian Anarchist that couldn't be more complete if the man himself had made it. And i own it. Well, kinda. Who ever put this up never took the time to change the password.

So here's the rub, as soon as I realized what had happened, i changed the Myspace password as well as my email account password because they were the same. I feel a little bad because i basically jacked some one else's work, but well, they did it first. Besides, who ever set this up hadn't logged in for some 12 months before i realized what was going on.

So there you have it. I am Mikhailbakunin on Myspace and I didn't even have to do any of the leg work. The only problem is I seem to get a lot of friend requests from dudes like this. Yeah.




I ended the debate by moving my army across the Rubican
"Bartender, get me a shot"
And then burned the bridges behind me
"Make it cheap Tequila with a beer back"
--Tucker Maxx

Time to work on my No-Rain Dance moves. (You know why rain dances work? because they keep dancing until it rains. A lot of tings are like that.)

Motorcycle

updates.



(if only i'd known)

holy double fuck-stuffed oreos*

I have returned from my adventures in Ohio, which were mostly adventures of the low key variety.



(thank you i heart chaos)


My return home, via motorcycle, went something like this:

--Cruising through Ohio fast, it was warm, i was happy.

--Cruising through Ohio fast, it was cold, i had on extra layers and i was happy.

--Crossing over into Michigan, storm front, HUGE FUCKING RAIN, fuck me, i'm so very wet, I can't see, OH GOD HUGE TRUCKS...

--40 miles of wet and then suddenly 1 mile from home, some dude pull sup next to me on a motorcycle as well and he's wearing less water repellent clothing than I am. I look at him, he looks at me and we know that we're the only bad muther (shut your mouth!) in this town.

--Arrive home, dump water out of boots, invent phrase "holy double fuck-stuffed Oreos" to describe what just happened to me, sleep.

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This is the greatest music video that has ever existed:


GORBACHOV: THE MUSIC VIDEO - BIGGER AND RUSSIANER from Tom Stern on Vimeo.

"In this awesome video for the song “Gorbachov” by Russian metal band ANJ, former Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Gorbachev is an axe-wielding barbarian, destroying zombies who attack the hard working big breasted women of Mother Russia"


I don't know how to explain this to all of you, but Bill Oriely really is fair and balanced. Watch him. I don't know if it was always this way and I don't know if it will always be so, but dammit, he asks the right questions and criticizes EVERYONE. Fuck. Now everything is complicated.

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Remember: A Floozy will do something with anyone. A Freak will do anything with someone. It's important to know.


*Yes I had to invent a new phrase to show my exclamation. Use it at your will, i guarantee is new to this world

Killing time while a test runs:

Yes, fine, I agree i am highly susceptible to your American viral marketing campaign. (also, yes, I looked up the definition of Viral Marketing to ensure I was using it correctly). I award this advertisement 25 bonus points for referencing "The Conquistador."



In other news, I clearly should NOT have sold the Fiat-dang-dizzle. It doesn't say anything about motorcycles, either. Perhaps a nice Alfa is in order? What about Italian motorcycles? Clearly more science is needed. Either way, i know that look on that chick's face; It's the same look I get when I sit in those cars.

(Stupid non-convertible, fwd, reliable American Grand Am)


Time to make the donuts. And by "donuts," I mean "high voltage automotive battery packs."

four: where's my helmet?

one:

I AM NOT THESE PEOPLE


two:

Remember when the republicans were funny because they were so old and crotchety and evil but just ha-ha evil? Circa 2003:



Who's laughing now? Circa today: (your press pass god can't save you now)




three:

I gotta live: See you next week.

(see you in hell kwame)

Ahem

Dallas, Texas: who are you?

content o' the month

I'm feeling nostalgic.



It's been a hell of a month filled with travel, change, new and strange people as well as marking 28 years of me looking around and saying "well that doesn't seem right at all..."

It occurred to me that 2 decades ago I fully believed I would be well into my career as a race car driver by now.


I could not have predicted this cake, either. (though i *did* ask for a vagina cake)


I went back to that old familiar place last weekend to see some old familiar people but as always, nothing is quite as familiar as you remember it. Regardless, a challenging trip that was most rewarding: Me, the bike, a weekend and 900 miles in the High Five State.


I don't feel old but damn do i look old in that picture. I feel old looking at that picture of my old-ass looking self. Maybe it was that familiar post-wedding hang over rearing it's ugliness in my face.

It's been a popular theme in August, the month of drunkeness. I think it's time to dial it back for wile and shake off the cloudiness in the brain. I've got the old stand by, "running until i fall down" which is as much or more so satisfying than drinking until i can't feel feelings. Sadly it does nearly nothing to make un-interesting people seem like you want to talk to this guy.




(the triple digit speeds are dicey without a windshield. Kids, listen to me: install clubman bars)



(by the way)
Epic Ninja Fail
Great sex, wrong person
Surrender
Speaking of pictures

I wasn't in the mood to be rushing around the state and definitely not looking forward to a wedding. I was however happy to find that i would be living in the woods for a day and a half. It was spectacular to stand in the river and walk in the forest. I firmly believe that the world we make for ourselves it too distracting to accomplish any decent thinking. Too many distractions to resolve problems. Instead you just forget about them. Shove 'em under the rug. I'll figure out these confusing things tomorrow... where's my blackberry? (it was turned off for over 24 hours!)

Regardless, the newly weds get double plus ultra points for their blatant disregard for American wedding traditions.






And the only thing better than trees is lively water.




With life!




Sophist in the state of nature

Year 28 of the mission: August has been the most bizar-O month ever. The world is both complicated AND confusing, which is a strange way of saying it's not really complicated at all.



To people that are far away in unfamiliar places: Stay lose out there.


I think I'm ready to open the floor to comments again



(Again with the prostitutes? Again with the prostitutes)

target women

we are the spiders

(ave you seen these things being made? the volume of the spider cannot possibly contain the calories required)

humanity

i have no more faith left in us



(mean while, back at the hall of justice...)

way too much for one day

Chestocrates is posting internet videos and Notorious is in the face book. I will continue my silent and archaic protest against social networking sites and yet somehow manage to convince myself I'm better by sticking to Blogger and Linked-In.

(lalalalalalala I can't hear you)

Then again, change is inevitable and even old military rivals can mend fences. To that point, i've spent 3 of my last 4 weeks in Ohio and almost no one mentions the old wars days.

(Though it did come up once when i was beating those guys at billiards)






-----------Society-----------

--It's pretty simple: Take the traditional wisdom and tell everyone the opposite. It's Orwellian, Bush-esq and why shouldn't it work now?


--i will admit, it's a nice take down... but for riding a bike?




--I have a Man-crush on Zach Braff after watching Garden State last night and learning of his role in the whole thing. Hey J.D.: wanna hang out later? We could ride motorcycles? (Am i the only one that made the connection of Zach Braff roles and odd motorcycles?)


----------Science----------

--Speaking of the Olympics (of which we no longer do, because i decided not to post that video), I caught the opening ceremony (at least 1 of it's 27 hours) at the local Sushi hole. Anyone who knows about my side projects knows they typically involve LEDs and Batteries. Well I've been using some Chinese sources for these parts and now i see why: they've got them all. Billions of LEDs. The whole fucking stadium and everyone in it was covered in them. (of course, seeing an army of LED suits also proves that they're still stealing other technologies and making them better, those bastards)


--Here is a video that will make you smrt. Unfortunately fuel cells will never be the next combustion engine. They won't be found in every car on the planet and they're prohibitively costly, complex and delicate. Or at least i think i think this now.

In related news, I have to admit that Bill O'rielly isn't as biased as the liberal media leads me to believe. Nas DOES NOT AGREE.


--Who would think this is a good idea?. (Sigh... have I become one of the crazies with the foil hat?)


------------other------------

A year ago this time i was living on a small Grecian island off the coast of Turkey.

On one particular day, about a year and a week ago, were walking and came to the base of the small mountain behind the village. We decided we needed to be at the top ASAP, probably because there was no trail and this was a good way to work the previous day's alcohol out of our systems. First we walked and then we climbed. Later there was a road and some old Italian military buildings. The goal was simple and the reward at the top unexpected: an ice cream shop and puppies... (The possibility was briefly considered that we had died en route)



The beginning:



The road was not easy:




But mountain men are born, not made:







We look back to check out progress:



And stop for science:



At the top, there is an oasis with ice cream and puppies and we great the puppies:



The puppies attack:



We use sticks and ice cream to beat the puppies back:



The puppies win and we are enslaved by their fuzziness:





There's a summer storm outside and i want to go check it out

Ladder Redux

In the before time, Notorious introduced us to Ladder theory. I admit, i didn't pay it much attention the first time, but now that I've been brought back to the theory, reintroduced to Notorious' love for this science, and had several car-ride hours to ponder it's validity, I've decided to revisit the concept: I should have realized why it never took hold.


(to make my arguments more believable, please site my stolen internet pictures)

I'm pretty sure Ladder Theory is mostly bunk. It's like saying you need to head north but to what destination... I'm not sure. In fact, I'm not even sure what purpose it is trying to serve because It provides no answers!

--I guess we're meant to realize that people rate potential mates and rank them accordingly... Fair enough. But then what? Why do these rankings have to suffer a First-In-First-Out linear existence? (more on this in a moment)

--Why would women get two ladders? It seems arbitrary... why not one that is connected or an infinite number that vary in weight and severity?

--How the hell do you use it? Just because I know F=MA, how will i know that shaving 100lbs out of the Fiat will make it go faster? How can I determine where those 100lbs can be lost?

--Lastly, Ladder theory provides a false sense of understanding that will more than likely undermined your goals. Man or woman, armed with this new tool, you've either convinced yourself you're stuck on the un-bang-able rung and abandoned all hope or placed yourself squarely on the ready-to-rock bang-tastic position before carrying out the degree of execution such a scenario would require. Either way you've stacked the cards against yourself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this buzz is wearing off and using ladder theory for anything other than drunken debate is like giving a monkey Newton's second law of motion and expecting him/her to pilot a successful space program. Perhaps as a simple law i could buy in but the point that is conveniently skirted is the random nature of human interaction. It's impossible to predict the varying conditions that might alter a person's reaction to another. Booze, drugs, funny t-shirts, history, love, marriage, obligation, head injury, chemical imbalance, gravitational pull, solar flares and magnet influences are in constant flux and simply identifying a universal constant such as "we rate" will not get the variables out of the denominator.

Of course if we concede that ladder theory is analogous to Newton's which-ever law of motion then one might be looking for the text equivalent of, say, Applied Newtonian Physics. I'd suggest it lies somewhere between Niel Strauss' "The Game" and/or "How to Pick Up Trashy Women," which incidentally exists only in a 1985 John Cusack flick; I'll let you all decide which is most applicable.

What's my point?

1) Math is to physics as masturbation is to sex
2) In the hierarchy of life, there's always a customer whose drinkers you're supposed to buy and a supplier who is willing to buy your drinks
3) I'm just a guy in an Ohio motel room with free internet and too much 5 hour energy



By denying you comments i am ensuring all of your opinions are wrong, especially if you agree with me.

hot fun in the summertime

Ive have been spending and will continue to spend many days in Ohio. It's where the things the pay me to dream up are built. By monkeys. Organized monkeys. But still monkeys. Turns out Dayton is a decent enough place. But some of the outlying communities is real backwards. Real backwards.



On patriotic running:

I was running last weekend. I was destined for failure; It was stupid hot that day and i was out under the sun's peak. Also, i was under-hydrated and think i skipped the last night's dinner. I set out on a 4 mile square but the first quarter is down hill and I burned way too bright to make it the rest of the way. Things looked bleak. As i rounded the first corner, i noticed an old man on the same general path but he had deviated an extra distance that carried him past a veteran's memorial. I wasn't paying particular attention but i knew he was wearing a hat, was over dressed for the weather and had to be old as dirt. As i was passing, i saw movement from over there- his hand going up, and then again as he passed the second flag, which he was obviously saluting. I gave him the nod and rounded that bend to started up the first incline. I didn't have any problem staying motivated after that. Knowing that old bastard was back there and any surrender would require me to turn around and go back past him, defeated, was unacceptable. His generation wins this one.

While running I passed the local swimming commune. Thinking of joining? I was. Of course, you'll have to pay the fees... Fucking rich people. (you'd think for over a grand a year plus deposit to use the fucking pool, it wouldn't be hard to get in. YOU'D BE WRONG!)

Fucking fuckers. They tell me it's some kind of bullshit status thing to join this club. It's a fucking hole in the ground with water!



Then again, things are hard everywhere. I'll start my own club. Bastards.

your reponse?

touche

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but when I became a man, I put away childish things

--Paul, Chapter 13, verse 11














Shoot, I don't listen to that kiddy crap anymore; I'm kickin' the adult jams now. See, check it. MC Pee Pants doesn't just want candy now, that's childish. He needs it. And when you need something that's a responsibility that only an adult (sees chocolate bunnies)..of my maturity.. Bunnies!
--Meatwad

I'm back bitches

It's not that the movie "The Mist" has a particularly surprising ending... (Though it does differ from the book) (That's right, i'm going to be one of those people that compares a movie to the book as a discrete yet effective way of letting you know i read it. Like a douchebag)

It's just so well executed

from work

I am now 10 days without cable or internet.

I've been building myself and other stuff to pass the time.

At first it hurt but now i'm convinced i will cancel my cable once the problem is fixed, and keep only the internet on tap.

I needs me some internet.