all i hear is white noise

Holly and I went to the U2 concert last night and it kicked the Llama's ass. House-mate's and I dominated the concert in a way only experienced, college grads like us could. Housemate Stos managed to get his full name displayed on the band's crazy stage-effects generator right in the middle of the show, but sadly he was there with his mother and not able to impress any women. (you'll have to talk to him about the details, i'm in a hurry)

Also, former house-mate and recently-retired-blogger rob used the opportunity of the concert to surprise, and i suspect locally seduce, long term female Steph.

Holly and i on the other hand made our mark by standing freakishly close to the stage the whole time. I made up some diagrams at work today to show what went down. However, since i'm now out of work and on "Curt-time" I won't go into detailed explanation. But i will mention this: we were close enough to Bono to see that he has freakishly stubby fingers that i suspect, smell like cabbage.





Note: on the close up of the stage, its actually Larry who plays drums, not Adam. Also, Larry never smiles. In fact, he looks as if he hates the whole crowd.

windy

mother nature's a bitch.

proof.

more proof.

and this is just silly.

sing and dance and screw

She came from Greece,
she had a thirst for knowledge.
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College.
That's where I caught her eye.

She told me that her Dad was loaded.
I said, in that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola.
She said fine, and in thirty seconds time she said,

I want to live like common people.
I want to do whatever common people do.
I want to sleep with common people.
I want to sleep with common people, like you.

Well, what else could I do?
I said, I'll see what I can do.

I took her to a supermarket.
I don't know why, but I had to
start it somewhere, so it started there.

I said, pretend you've got no money.
She just laughed, and said
oh you're so funny. I said, yeah?
Well, I can't see anyone else smiling in here.

Are you sure you want to live like common people?
You want to see whatever common people see?
You want to sleep with common people?
You want to sleep with common people, like me?
But, she didn't understand,

[Jackson]
She just smiled and held my hand.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
When you're lying in bed at night
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.

[Shatner]
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw

[Jackson and Shatner]
because there's nothing else to do.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Sing along with the common people.
Sing along, and it might just get you thru.'

[Chorus]
Laugh along with the common people.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Laugh along, even though they're laughing at you

[Shatner]
and the stupid things that you do
'cause you think that poor is cool.

[Jackson]
Like a dog lying in a corner,
they'll bite you and never warn you.
Look out.

[Shatner]
They'll tear your insides out
'cause everybody hates a tourist.

[Jackson]
'Cause Everybody hates a tourist,
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh.

[Shatner]
Yeah, and the chip stains' grease
will come out in the bath.

[Shatner and Jackson]
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go.

You're amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright,
while you can only wonder why.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
'Cause When you're lying in bed at night

[Shatner]
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.


You'll never live like common people

[Shatner and Jackson]
You'll never do what common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do.

[Chorus]
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.

judge me

my appreciation for articles like this and the people who right them will forever prevent me from becoming "a sophisticate" or "refined" because deep down inside, i just want to drive a fast car and listen to loud music.

Let's see what's in the news today!

Compliments of the Detroit Free Press, On Guard for 174 years...

Delphi Declares Bankruptcy; A major automotive supplier and employer of unionized workers says "yo, yo, yo, i gots no dough!" This move would never work for an actual manufacturer of vehicles because it would destroy customer loyalty and faith in the product. Who wants to buy a car from a company that you can't be sure will be around in 3 years? It seems one sided to blame the union workers and their outrageous wages... but we will anyway.

Something about an earthquake somewhere... Another 40K dead... What is that for last two years? about a quarter million dead from weather, world wide?

Local news: (not even front page here)

Detroit Zoo Faces Uncertain Future; The auto industry takes a dive and Michigan follows. And when you've got the most depressed major city in a state with the highest unemployment...

Fire Bomb Hits house of Ecorse Mayoral Candidate; yeah, this happened about 5 miles from my house. There's more stuff, but i don't much have the energy or desire anymore. Time to check out the comics.

"where as profound hatred can can feel transfiguring, sadness just sits there"

an american revolution

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29453

just because i found this too painful to read, you all may appreciate it

again, from the top

I'm sitting at my desk listening to two co-workers talk about Phil Collins and Elton John. (I don't have outside internet access, so i'll type this up and post it later). These guys in the Cubes next to me can't be much more than few years older that I am, but they're both married and at least one has kids. They've come to the agreement that Phil Collins is just great, but the Indian guy can't convince the White guy that Elton John is equally good. He's Siting examples such as Benny and the Jets that should prove Mr. John has a beautiful voice. Meanwhile, the white guy is using counter example's of the bigger hits like Candle in the Wind and Daniel's Song, saying that even those songs, although moving, cannot make up for what he considers to be an "unlikable" voice.

In the time it has taken me to type the above paragraph, the conversation has shifted to one guy telling the other guy how great the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding" is. The second guy hasn't seen it, but in an attempt to demonstrate his recognition of the topic, has started listing other Julia Roberts movies that he HAS in fact seen.

I'm gonna go see the Omelet Chef and drown reality in fried omelet goodness.


Update: Several Hours later... Cube partner to the other side is talking to some chick on the phone. I know, because when a guy is talking to a chick, and trying a little to hard, you can tell. In fact, his "guy-ness" signal is turned up so high, i can nary resist the urge to punch him in the face. Anyway, he keeps talking about how he can't be any fun when "she's around" and he can't be himself or he gets into trouble. I can only assume he's talking about his wife. In the time it has taken to type THIS paragraph, the conversation has shifted to how long it will take until the girl on the other end of the line finds a new boyfriend. Thankfully, something of extreme inappropriateness has come up and now he speaks in a hushed whisper, and i am free to fantasize about sailing boats.

"I'm smiling all the time. that doesn't mean a goddamned thing except i think people who go around solemn faced and quoting the bible are full of shit"
-Former Detroit Mayor, Coleman Young

stuffs

I've just finished reading Lee Iacocca's Biography from 1984. Given my current line of work and fair interest in the auto industry, i figured it would be an appropriate read; also, it was free.

The two new pieces of inforamtion that were gathered are as follows: First, Henry Ford the II, (grandson of old man Ford) was as insane as his Grand-pappy. In fact, the whole Ford Clan were ravign maniacs that lived a life of wealth, racism, isolationism and did i mention un-godly wealth? All in the city and surrounding burbs of Detroit. In fact, all the executives Lee talks about, up to a hundred perhaps in each of the big three, are worth millions of dollars each. And all of that money resides within miles of the poorest major metropolis of the United States... Detroit.

Time for a Crime Spree!

Second, the problems that were destroying America economically in the 80s are the same problems that we're dealing with today. Here we are again dealing with a ballooning deficit, living at the mercy of the countries that supply us oil and unfair importation laws that give outside countries the upper hand. Of course, some problems never went away, such as union workers demanding too much money, lack or pride or drive in US workers and

I'll be the first to admit that correlation of variables does not imply causality; just because a bunch of Republicans were running the country then and there's a bunch of republicans running the place now, i'm sure there's no reason to jump to conclusions. Of course, it like my boy Iacocca always said, if it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, chances are, it's a duck. But what do i know? I'm just simple boy from the midwest

also, Nature's Enemies: snakes and Crocks

I'm a knife

Knifin' Around!

cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, nnnnmmm-cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut,

Do you take, those, intelligence drugs?

I don't NEED intelligence drugs, okay, Tom? Because i don't know what they are. Okay Tom? But i will put anything in my mouth that is given to me, whether it's supposed to be there or not, okay tom?

whatch'all do'in?

Ya'll? Where'd you learn to talk like that?

Hatiesburg...

So there's this party, right...

A party of Functions!

All of the functions are there, e^x, Pi*r^2, i^2 and even some old school guys like abs(x). Anyway, poor e^x is alone in a corner acting all morose. His good friend Sin(x) comes over and says "what's the problem?" c'mon, integrate yourself into the party. e^x looks at him and says "why? it's not going to make a difference!"

one foot out the door

I realize now why middle management is often referred to as the reigns of hell. When you're the lowest totem on the man-pole (such as me), your immediate supervisor is just an old-guy who barely slipped beyond were you're at now (and you're 25 years younger) He's not going anywhere. He watched his chance of career advancement slip through his fingers and now he doesn't care about life. this is as good as it's getting for him and he's just waiting for death or retirement.

This man is your leader.

Look at him sit there at his desk... he's not going to tell you what to do. He's not going to introduce you to the right people, learn you the ropes or teach you about the industry. This man is useless. He probably wouldn't notice if you didn't even show up. His boss isn't much better, just a lot closer to the grave. Well, i'm not putting much stock in this position; if these people are my leaders, i got on foot out the door, baby. if this ship starts taking water and one day someone wakes up enough to realize my whole group is a joke, I'm gonna be the first one to dive off the side, resume and stolen pens in hand. Never invest too much. Never be worth more dead than alive.

other news: Big wedding saturday; gotta give that best-man speech to 350 strangers and pretend like i approve of this debauchery....

time for my yearly self portrait

here it is

I just wish people would leave me alone

Real Quick (i hafta pee...)

NASA is going back to the moon, and then to Mars. (google it, bitches) Number one, why is this not a huge event in the eye of the public? Number two, i'm more excited than i was when i found out they were building a space station. Then I realized the Space Station was coming up quick on the end of it's "warranty" so to speak. And i'm gonna be damned near middle aged when they land on the moon again. Fuck. I feel very unaccomplished.

I got a new cell phone with my contract renewal. It has more memory than my first computer had hard drive. (again, the oldness... it comes for me) However, if you've got picture messaging, hit me up and i'll shoot you a pic of crotch.

word.

i watch for Willie, i swear...

This is for Holly

This is for me.

...number 17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.

i have to go check some documents...

more about sex


STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Mark E. Petersen
Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been,
both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it
must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must
decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that
decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a whish, more than knowing that it
is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up
your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to
resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may
come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific
guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal
toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay
in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem,
YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people
having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit
together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind.
Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your
mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it
really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in
the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe
and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where
you will have some member of your family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most
part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily
touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time
consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to
remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your
thinking that the temptation would leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT
OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is
in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and
despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this
suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the
subject of your thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem.
Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a thought, then an act." The
thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to
remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free
of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books
-- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern
too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of
Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New
Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark,
Luke and John -- above anything else in the Bible can be helpful
because of their uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that
will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith,
pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries,
the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE
PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN
CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT _OUT_ of your
mind!

The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how
easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made
to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the
behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may
trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean
so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful
habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional
stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme.
It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no
way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to
fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and
defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect
testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings
become burdensome, offerings.

To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a
brieation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man
function.

The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions
of reproductive cells call _spermatozoa_. These are moved up a tube
called the _vas deferens_ to a place called the _ampulla_ where they
are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called _seminal
vesicles_ and the _prostate gland_. The resultant fluid is
_calleeminal vesicles_ are full a _signa_ to the _central nervous
system_ indicating they are ready to benother, depending on such
things as exercise, state of health, etc. everal times a week, for
others It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at
night during the emptying of come from the central nervous system.
Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part
of this normal process. Instead ourse, the reproductive system is
operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of
semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at
his increased rate, for an indefese are not harmful and are to be
endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of rel During
this period of control several things can be done to make the pr As
one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming
masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is
essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can
be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will
strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and not lout when
the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce
emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the
solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel
stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell _STOP_ to those
thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a prechosen
Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your
thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year
and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself
to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a
changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and
in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan
to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with
your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and
talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and
learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of
developing friendships found in books such as _How to Win Friends and
Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel
lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can
trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance
to counter these low periods through various activities, such as
reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with
you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color
the day black. Your goal will be to have _no black days_. The calendar
becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked
at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar
up until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain
times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what
your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how
it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique
called _aversion therapy_. When we associate or think of something
very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but
undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel
out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very
distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop
the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of
having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do
the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom
door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total
privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no
matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day
with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of
fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as
lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not
binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might
create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in
overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even
in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed
frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a
semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by
wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove
while half asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be
a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or
reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a
continuing reminder of your progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns
which were part of your problem. _Satan Never Gives Up_. Be calmly and
confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win
this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give
your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and
fulfillment.

weekend round up

I'd love to comment on the New Orleans Situation, but my bad chemicals are too high as it is. That said, i just finished "Breakfast of Champions," which is in my opinion, Vonnegut's best work. Which means a lot, i think.

The most interesting event of this, a very action packed weekend, occurred at the annual Pig Roast (actually at breakfast the morning after) One of the attendees had brought a lady friend that he met on the internet. They were both pushing middle age and she was a blind Mennonite with a seeing eye dog. After over-hearing some very strange conversation, we were clued into the fact that this women lived all her life in a religious isolation (compounded by the fact that she was nearly blind and had the outside world described to her through a overly oppressive religious filter.) Fed up with the Funk, she decided to free herself and explore the real world. And we all know the real word starts at the internets! (insert "BLIZOW" internet sound effect here)

This dude comes along and somehow she travels from her home state of where-ever to good ol' high-five to the face michigan. This breakfast was her first experience with: bacon, Mountain Dew (which i know i wish i'd never met), the saying "B.S." (and it's accompanying phrase "bull shit"), a description of what a pig looks like and pretty much every second word uttered of mine and my posse's mouth. It was crazy. And the whole time, this helpful dude she's with is explaining the ways of the world; but try to imagine explaining what a pig looks like, and then immediately going into the reason men are called pigs, followed up by a brief analogy of how men like to fix up machines (so they'll be shiny and can be shown off) and women like to fix up men (so they'll be shiny and can be shown off) and the older you get the bigger projects you try to take on.

Eventually someone asks the obvious; Why did you leave home. And before the Mennonite can answer, the proprietor of the pig roast walks by and spouts "to get laid." Which was really funny until the Blind Middle-aged Mennonite agreed. "well that was one of the reasons..."

I think that's when i went off to shoot skeet.

right...

though i would rather read Vonnegut and work on the accelerometer, i will share these links with you.

Efforts, though often mis-guided or dense are being made to round up the corpses. I've heard a lot of arguments as to why the shit hit the fan so hard down south. Some say it's because the black folk are treated differently than the white folk, and though i might buy that on a microscopic level, not so much on a large scale. The other reason is because they'se po'. Well, that could explain why so many muthas choose not to leave, but believe me, i'd be walking, running and rolling to avoid eating that shit sandwitch.



Some would argue that there simply exists an element in society that will start fires and shoot helicopters, if that repercussion-less occasion should arise, which i can buy. But then a fella who actually spent some time in the East side explained about the excess avaiability of drugs in that area and how a lot of people are supporting habits that can't be met in red-cross shelters or astro-dome buses. and these folks don't have a means anymore to support those needs and they're going to a little crazy and they're gonna loot a few hospitals and they're gonna shoot some shit.

Probably a combination of the lot.

Use the internet for Non porn purposes

so tired... so fucked...

open your eyes to the world around you, man.

no energy to expand on this

in the midst of a mother-nature fucking, some things remain constant.

Mother Nature Strikes Back Again, Again:

Son of Mother Nature's Revenge III Dot com The Movie.



In all fairness, however, these things tend to happen when you live below sea level in a flood plane.

Update: Apparently they have bigger problems than runaway oil rigs down there... sounds like the police have been ordered to stop cutting people out of their flooded attics, (as if they were drowned sailors trapped in the hull of an overturned battleship a la Pearl Harbor) and start patrolling the streets. Seems the gun stores have been thoroughly looted and the shits jumping off like the wicky, wicky, wild west. Armed, hungry and thirsty is no way to go through life son.

think of how fucked this is and remember the tsunami was at least 100 times worse. but in our defense, the americans did add their own flare to this disaster: guns

Update 2: Things are bad in Seattle as well.