Tuesday, November 29, 2005

ahem

WAKE UP AMERICA!!
[que patriotic music]

this is your reality
******
your unfavorable backgrounds and hobos are gone
your ass is flatter and your stomach less repulsive
your custom generated features are better lit
your titties are bigger and symmetrical
your skin is less wrinkled and ragged
your weathered tats are gone
******

FIREWORKS_1.gif (2586 bytes)



FIREWORKS_4.gif (4565 bytes)

Monday, November 28, 2005

smart-funny

This is about the funniest video i've seen on the internet this year.

If you dig, you can see the first 4 episodes here.

Did i mention that today i drove to Toledo and back in a work vehicle? Interesting thing, this particular truck was an pre-production "export" model, which meant the steering wheel was on the right. It was crazy. The hard part as trying to shift and change radio stations with my left hand. The harder part was trying to keep the right wheels out of the center of the lane. The rewarding part was when truckers and such would look over and get that Kramer-esq freaked out look their face.

no talent ass-clowns

having both a) lived in a snowy hell where cars get stuck daily and b) worked in the auto industry... this clip is pretty darn funny.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Training update:

Nearly a week of training lost to sickness with no end in sight. Seems the bird flu came early this year. Also, the family-filled weekend of buffet-oriented entertainment, probably didn't help my cardio situation.

can't get... "no easy way out..." out of head... must workout... in Siberian barn...

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

i feel like the guy on the right




chicks dig the fury rats

i don't know what the hell is going on.

this seems pretty legit







You will go to jail for:
You claimed sex toys as a business expense on your tax forms



Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

assignment of worth


My blog is worth $1,693.62.
How much is your blog worth?

Monday, November 21, 2005

those crazy germans pt II

to think, this car is having problems getting into the US because of "safety regulations".

Thursday, November 17, 2005

more drabble



I have been inspired to return to my roots. well, pseudo roots, that include a college career full of running. Shit, i took a class in the damn sport (or whatever you want to call) so technically the art or pastime or whatnot of running partially earned me a bachelor's degree. Inspired partly by chestocrates and the Wildman in their ventures, and partly by my growing, daily dependance on alcohol, i've decided to begin training for a marathon. The marathon specifics, i have not yet decided, but i done figured i should be good and ready by the summer, with autumn being my fallback date.

Things may not go well. It wouldn't be the first time i grew bored and just gave up (anyone want to buy that damn guitar?) but i've been putting in a lot of foot-time lately, and though I will not completely adopt a full training schedule until the first of the year, i'm feeling good about this. Plus, as my shoulders have always been my greatest source of anatomical failure, my legs as best as i can recall, have never failed me.

So that's that. I think Ultimate-Patimus will be my "kinda" training partner. We may run a few 10 or 5ks here and there in the mean time. Now where's the beer?

this should entertain youse.
this could be fake, but it makes me think of Chestocrates.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

LINKS!

first, yes, Bush is an idiot. Who cares? He wins. He will always win. If you disagree with him you are a minority and should realize that your people are on the losing team.

Second, well, there is no second.

I'm going to sleep

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

like a sailor without a boat

when did this new "flag" option show up, allowing you to flag blogs with questionable content?

and why doesn't spell check recognize "blog?"

(computer: learn spelling)

well at least that's settled. i need a boat.

oh my

(i wrote this post a few days ago at work, but with the recent re-election of "the man" i feel it's eve more appropriate)

Today as I was pulling into Company X parking lot I saw a man in a suit standing next to his brand new Car. This was a new car that had just recently been released to the public and it was shiny and sleek and hip and modern and all the things a new car should be to appeal to the masses. (It's been selling very well) And the guy himself looked modern and hip and clean and proud and all the things a guy should look to succeed and present himself as so. But then I looked beyond him and saw he and his car were alone in a parking lot of cracked concrete and faded paint, littered with debris. The dreary lot was surrounded by a rusty fence crowned with broken barbed wire, keeping out the derelicts that reside in the burned out hulks, but failing to restrain the overgrown foliage and unkempt lawns. And the further I expanded my field of vision, the dirtier and uglier and more destitute the whole picture became.

That's when I realized I was staring at a perfect picture of Detroit. And I was about to hit a parked car. I avoided the parked car but the collision of contrast left a stain on my brain.

"Fuck the G-rides, I want the machines that are building them"
-Rage Against The Machine

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

join up

why everyone is wrong and the whole system is fucked:

Just when i thought i had thoroughly acquainted myself with all the biases levied against a contract worker in a major corporation, i am yet again shocked at my shirt sightedness. Today i discovered that company X has a very nice, large, brand new health club nestled deep in the bowels of the building, featuring expansive spaces and decedent equipment. Further more, even during what should be peak work out hours (lunch time) the facility was nearly completely empty. (i can not help but theorize this has something to with living in Michigan and working with lazy, professional fatties)

Step off that tread mill good man, you sir can walk the streets of the city and lift rocks for endurance. But don't lift car parts, for as an engineer and a non-union member, you shall be cast to the depths of hell.

Of course, i never would have even found the facility if my co-worker and i had goals and tasks with which to fill our day. But, as he put it, this is the most low-tech, un-fulfilling, directionless position i've ever had. And he retired from company X after 30 years of service, coming back as contract, i guess, to make his life a little less boring. guess we both lose.

I have officially given up on Company X and begin anew my search for fulfillment through employment. Also, i will stop whiney now. about work. but watch out for my trash talk about everything else.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

all i hear is white noise

Holly and I went to the U2 concert last night and it kicked the Llama's ass. House-mate's and I dominated the concert in a way only experienced, college grads like us could. Housemate Stos managed to get his full name displayed on the band's crazy stage-effects generator right in the middle of the show, but sadly he was there with his mother and not able to impress any women. (you'll have to talk to him about the details, i'm in a hurry)

Also, former house-mate and recently-retired-blogger rob used the opportunity of the concert to surprise, and i suspect locally seduce, long term female Steph.

Holly and i on the other hand made our mark by standing freakishly close to the stage the whole time. I made up some diagrams at work today to show what went down. However, since i'm now out of work and on "Curt-time" I won't go into detailed explanation. But i will mention this: we were close enough to Bono to see that he has freakishly stubby fingers that i suspect, smell like cabbage.





Note: on the close up of the stage, its actually Larry who plays drums, not Adam. Also, Larry never smiles. In fact, he looks as if he hates the whole crowd.

Friday, October 21, 2005

windy

mother nature's a bitch.

proof.

more proof.

and this is just silly.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

sing and dance and screw

She came from Greece,
she had a thirst for knowledge.
She studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College.
That's where I caught her eye.

She told me that her Dad was loaded.
I said, in that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola.
She said fine, and in thirty seconds time she said,

I want to live like common people.
I want to do whatever common people do.
I want to sleep with common people.
I want to sleep with common people, like you.

Well, what else could I do?
I said, I'll see what I can do.

I took her to a supermarket.
I don't know why, but I had to
start it somewhere, so it started there.

I said, pretend you've got no money.
She just laughed, and said
oh you're so funny. I said, yeah?
Well, I can't see anyone else smiling in here.

Are you sure you want to live like common people?
You want to see whatever common people see?
You want to sleep with common people?
You want to sleep with common people, like me?
But, she didn't understand,

[Jackson]
She just smiled and held my hand.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
When you're lying in bed at night
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.

[Shatner]
You'll never live like common people
You'll never do whatever common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw

[Jackson and Shatner]
because there's nothing else to do.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Sing along with the common people.
Sing along, and it might just get you thru.'

[Chorus]
Laugh along with the common people.

[Shatner and Chorus]
Laugh along, even though they're laughing at you

[Shatner]
and the stupid things that you do
'cause you think that poor is cool.

[Jackson]
Like a dog lying in a corner,
they'll bite you and never warn you.
Look out.

[Shatner]
They'll tear your insides out
'cause everybody hates a tourist.

[Jackson]
'Cause Everybody hates a tourist,
especially one who thinks
it's all such a laugh.

[Shatner]
Yeah, and the chip stains' grease
will come out in the bath.

[Shatner and Jackson]
You will never understand
how it feels to live your life
with no meaning or control
and with nowhere left to go.

You're amazed that they exist
and they burn so bright,
while you can only wonder why.

Rent a flat above a shop.
Cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool.
Pretend you never went to school.

But still, you'll never get it right.
'Cause When you're lying in bed at night

[Shatner]
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you called your Dad he could stop it all.
Yeah.


You'll never live like common people

[Shatner and Jackson]
You'll never do what common people do.
You'll never fail like common people.
You'll never watch your life slide out of view
and dance and drink and screw
because there's nothing else to do.

[Chorus]
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.
I want to sing with common people, like you.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

judge me

my appreciation for articles like this and the people who right them will forever prevent me from becoming "a sophisticate" or "refined" because deep down inside, i just want to drive a fast car and listen to loud music.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Let's see what's in the news today!

Compliments of the Detroit Free Press, On Guard for 174 years...

Delphi Declares Bankruptcy; A major automotive supplier and employer of unionized workers says "yo, yo, yo, i gots no dough!" This move would never work for an actual manufacturer of vehicles because it would destroy customer loyalty and faith in the product. Who wants to buy a car from a company that you can't be sure will be around in 3 years? It seems one sided to blame the union workers and their outrageous wages... but we will anyway.

Something about an earthquake somewhere... Another 40K dead... What is that for last two years? about a quarter million dead from weather, world wide?

Local news: (not even front page here)

Detroit Zoo Faces Uncertain Future; The auto industry takes a dive and Michigan follows. And when you've got the most depressed major city in a state with the highest unemployment...

Fire Bomb Hits house of Ecorse Mayoral Candidate; yeah, this happened about 5 miles from my house. There's more stuff, but i don't much have the energy or desire anymore. Time to check out the comics.

"where as profound hatred can can feel transfiguring, sadness just sits there"