wh- what?

Captain Ron has nudity. Nipples. I just seens it with mine own eyes.

Then i confirmed it with the internets

for some reason this deeply unsettles me.

news day

One
two
three
four

Your assignment is to read the above links. Compare and contrast the underlying mechanisms with specific attention paid to social, cultural, institutional and religious burden.

Keep your papers to yourself. Everyone receives an A for showing up.

Surrounded by it

It's the topic at the dinner table; it payed for college.

Dad built roads, mom built cars.

The automotive monster is ever present every day.

a softer world

source

(Damn this robot soul)

link face

If i build a house it will look like this.

Finally, more definitive proof that robots are stealing the BEST FUCKING jobs and as i have said before, need exterminating.

go here. Read these. be amused.

Still

number one.

(at being AWESOME!)

(your face is)

I faught the law

..and the law won. But (as Stos says) i beat the spread.



This week I watched a state trooper take the stand in court and tell a direct lie. It was the culmination of both my justification to fight the system and a heavy-hearted view of reality of all rolled into: Simultaneously i was vindicated and beaten. But as a wise man once said in a quote that i made up for this story, "vindication in your own mind is like an erection at a sociology convention full of hot chicks; chances are no one is going to notice you."

Ah well, so concludes an absurd trip full of painful insights to the legal system.

There were several offers made (which is not unlike allowing someone to choose what type of gun they'll be shot in the face with) and I took one that precludes me from driving this spring.

(Fuck those fucks. Sure i could have rolled over 8 months ago and taken the easy way out but I'll pay tens times as much to keep them from getting a single dollar more for their corrupt fucking money machine. I just pity the poor mutherfucker can't afford to fight back because he's the one who is truly screwed.)

at least I'll have plenty of time to play Call of Duty 4 on the Playstation 3.

Play us out Bush:



(man fuck this shit yo, I'm going the fuck home)

risk management

Everyone has to live somewhere. Choose your poison.


(see more here)



choices, choices, manage the risk.


risk. manage. manage risk.

seems unlikely.

Have an Erection?

want it to go away?



(forever)

Dot you eye? Pentagon can. And will.

If only, James, if only.

This time (year)... WILL BE DIFFERENT!



Today all my dire predictions for the new year at the gym came true. There was a gaggle of high school floozies and it smelled like a damn perfume counter. I'm telling you this: my nostrils were burning with hate. One of them, the skinniest and skankiest of the flock had a shirt that read "Young, rich and beautiful." Considering Oakland County, these are likely all true statements. (demographic info- look it up). I considered explaining to her the theory that shirts with sayings are typically only considered funny when Ironic or sarcastic and in her case she it would clearly be better accepted if she mangled up her face a little, but then immediately assumed the effort would be futile. So i continued ripping myself to awesomeness.

seems about right

2008

as far as i can tell this simply means the gym will be packed with wankers for the next 4 weeks.

Almost time to reset the year

First something to clear the mind:



This video, I swear to the gods, this is what i see when i pass out drunk. It's beautiful.

Feeling insecure? this illustration will either hurt, help or have no effect, guaranteed.

Don't believe that new Mileage standards cannot be met easily and cheaply.

Chestocrates' latest commentary on the inability of the masses to stop making babies was spot on. I recommend it. Funny that at the same time myself and the other members of our ZARP (Zombie Attack Response Plan) were doing some recreational shooting out on the farm. Turns out a shotgun is an amazing tool.

I'm not sure if i should spread word of this (NSFW) product but here we go. Basically, it's a liquid that's meant to smell like a woman's nether region and is eye catching for two reason: One, is the video (can't link directly to it but it's relatively easy to find in their fairly minimalistic site) which is simply indescribable. Two, is the fact that i just acquired an Orange Juicer that has helped me realize how little juice one can extract from a single fruit. Think about it...

(actually, don't. You might die.)


So the world's fucked? I'm still happy.

love it

Sell out

To celebrate my first year of gainful employment, I sold out to electronic Novocaine in the form of a TV and PS3 and together they're shiny as hell. Expect a steep dive in blog performance.

And speaking of gaming, here's a shout out out to all my old school gamers. (Gauntlet 4 Life)



That is all.

2007

was a strange year



(it shan't be forgotten as much as the others)

via Top Gear

The Koenigsegg! Supercars are usually uncool because they’re pretentious, but this one is cool because of the simple fact it’s so dangerous you can go through the Pearly Gates backwards in a fireball; a cool way to die.

(Hammond makes no demur, and enjoys the thought of blasting in there backwards in a flaming Swedish supercar)

I’m here! Where are the women?

good luck getting anything done

in the next 15 minutes

It's cold now

Rather than running, I am lifting. Rather than fiating, I am home-brewing technology

Want to make your OWN 4-cell, palm-sized opponent-blinding flashlight? You're gonna need some J.B. Weld.

fdjkh

Today i shook the hand of the Iron Sheik, a great professional wrestling villain from my youth and what must have been the easiest bad guy to come up with...

{flash back to WWF marketing brainstorm session}
-It's the 80's and we need a bad guy
-Everyone hates foreigners...
-And the Iranians!

Thus was born the Foreign Legion and the Sheiks reign as tag-team champion. (okay, so maybe the Iran stuff happened after the Sheik. Fuck you and your linear sense of time.)

Did i mention that the Sheik was appearing at a local Gentleman's establishment? Because he was and that's where we went to see him. I think he wrestled a 100 women, which was impressive considering his old, feeble and chemically altered state. Either that or he sat in the corner. Eventually he would take center stage and work up the crowd for 15 minutes yelling incoherent rambling about being in Detroit, Wrestlemania Three and the "Toe Chesta" which is how he pronounced "Toy Chest" (the establishment)

Other knowledge dropped by the Sheik:
The Ultimate Warrior engages is sex with men
Jake the Snake is a Jabroni
Junkyard dog was a good man (R.I.P)
The other half of the foreign legion is a well to do, thrifty, man of Jewish decent.

Sadly, there was no mention of or demonstration for the camel clutch but i assure if we'd have been at a better establishment we could have had some visual aids.

regardless, autographs and photos were both 5 dollars so we left with neither.

Later we repeated the typical day before Thanksgiving rituals. Some of it was new, but most of it was not.

When it was over, sometime approximately equal to now, I stood out in the snow. This is the first snow of the year and it was real, frozen, hard enough to bounce of your skin and jacket and make that tell-tale sound, type snow. I stood there for a while and it was very quiet and for some reason it reminded me of this place.

Back to the Absurdity

Much has happened in the last few weeks but nothing noteworthy enough to remember or retell here. So like sitcoms and the girls at the strip club, we'll pretend no time or event has passed since our last encounter.

After an exhaustive on-again, off-again 3 week search, i was finally able to download a copy of the fairly obscure Cherry 2000.

This pleases me.



Cherry 2000 is straight out of the 80's, my youth and the sci-fi robot world that blew my mind as a youngster. It's a fine flick about a man and his live-in robot women (i.e. maid/sex-bot) and his travels through post apocalyptic America to find replacement parts for her. I remember watching this movie with my folks, which thankfully wasn't too uncomfortable as I remember it to be nudity-free.

Time has not been kind to Cherry 2000 but i promise you it's worth watching. At least that's how i remember it. I haven't watched the download yet but it certainly wouldn't be the first time a movie turned out to much more sour than i remember it being... you know, in the 80's.

If nothing else, it should be noted that the Cherry of Cherry 2000 was voted the #1 Gynoid. See it here.