The Witch, the Goblin and the Mystery Soup.

What follows is a poorly formated attempt to describe just a small micro-chasm of the many events that took place this weekend. The hilarity lies not only in the story, but in an attempt to tell it via a corporate messenger program (think AOL-ish) that is ripe with naughty-word seeking bots that are hot for certain words. The more i explain the less funny it gets... (all that is needed to know is chicken dinner has previously been equated to sex)

Co-Worker (How many rounds have you fired, and how often have you cleaned it?)

Me 75 rounds between three of us in one weekend up north

Me cleaned it once during the weekend and once again after

Co-Worker Isn't cleaning the firearm a good time?

Me eh.. kind of a lot of work with such a long barrell

Co-Worker Wait. Isn't that what she said?

Me ZING!

Me (i can't believe i didn't even see that coming... i think i'm slipping)

Me so if i were to mention fried chicken dinner, you'd know what i meant, right?

Co-Worker probably. Let me think about it.

Me (stay with me)

Me if i were to add "non-traditional methods of engagement" would you have an idea?

Co-Worker Yes.

Me think... rear

Co-Worker Yes. I got ya loud and clear.

Me right

Me corporate-safe ingo

Me lingo

Me so we're at the party and it's about 2ish.. going real strong

Me the garage is the designated "cool off, relax, chill, smoking" area

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is there with me and my old housemate and my old housemate’s g/f and i think h and my housemate, etc...

Me the a for mentioned topic arises in conversation

Me still with me?

Co-Worker yes

Co-Worker (I'm not that dim)

Me i know-

Me it's cryptic

Me more history-

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) disappeared earlier for about 2 hours with My housemate's g/f's roommate

Me "the witch" we'll call her because of costume

Co-Worker right.

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) and former housemate’s g/f are debating the earlier topic

Me My friend from a far (primary Character) is against

Me strongly

Me we're sitting and he has to stand to make his point

Me not ever has, not ever will

Me engage

Me she's like, you know, getting real graphic and medical with her explanation of why it works just fine, whatever

Co-Worker (shame)

Me (the witch was in the garage also)

Me later that night

Me the witch

Me she's like, i couldn't understand why he would say that

Me since, you know, earlier, that's what went on

Co-Worker ha ha ha

Me he just, you know, didn't know

Co-Worker (how can you not?)

Me she's like "i figured he was into it so i just rolled with it"

Me (how can you not, indeed)

Co-Worker That's hilarious.

Me so of course, morning after, we're like, "so, My friend from a far (primary Character)..."

Me about your tirade on certain acts...

Me To My friend from a far (primary Character)'s credit he took the joking at his expense quite well, admitting in his life of living such an error had likely occurred once or twice... Though i'm not sure how i feel about that since, ya know... whatever...

Me (note your earlier comment)

Co-Worker I digress: HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW

Co-Worker although digress is the wrong word to use.

Co-Worker The strategy for eating fried chicken is completely different. Different methods must be used to ensure that you create the least food waste or mess.

Me you're saying... when you sit down to dine... you know what to expect based on what's on the plate?

Me and prepare accordingly?

Me but should you expect ribs and discover soup, you'd immediately recognize your fork is not working out so well?

Me (what?)

Co-Worker Yes, exactly.

Me well, i hate to say it...

Co-Worker Because soup is eaten and enjoyed in a completely different manner than ribs.

Co-Worker you can't rush into eating soup because often it's too warm.

Me but i think the real examination of "character" should be laid upon the witch

Me EXACTLY

Me that was the turn of phrase

Me we needed

Me whilst ribs can be enjoyed almost immediately

Co-Worker Exactly.

Co-Worker I agree we're judging the witch.

Me exactly

Me i mean... what's going on there?

Me where it's just like... you know, soup and ribs are interchangeable?

Co-Worker does she have soup every day and ribs every evening for dinner?

Me no- because here's the thing

Co-Worker Most people I know that aren't accustomed to soup on a regular basis throw up a fuss when it's delivered.

Me lol

Co-Worker "waiter, I didn't want soup!"

Me everybody wants soup

Me they just might not know it

Co-Worker They just don't know it.

Co-Worker Right.

Me how do you convince someone they want soup?

Me force feed them? haven't we moved beyond that?

Me (i'm not even sure if i have to apologize for that joke because it was so vague)

Me anyway- here's the thing

Me this whole engagement was predetermined because the witch hadn't had any type of chicken for some time.

Me and was pretty much a shoe-in for this dinner

Co-Worker Yikes.

Co-Worker Did the witch reflect someone who had eaten her fair share of meals (dual meanings here)

Me no to the literal and not sure to the metaphorical

Co-Worker So there wasn't a logical reason she hadn't had a chicken dinner in 1.5 years.

Me yeah, i'm not sure about that... odd since she sat down to dine with My friend from a far (primary Character) with no advance plans

Me clearly reservations aren't required at her restaurant

Co-Worker I guess not.

Me perhaps the world will never know the mystery of the witch, the goblin and the soup

Co-Worker Indeed.

Co-Worker IN a last point not to poke fun at the goblin yet hard to be avoided: perhaps the reason he didn't know is that the serving utensil was underwhelming and not effective at eating the fried chicken?

Me hmmm... i hate to think that was the case

Me i think the goblin would have much lower self esteem if he were vastly under equipped to enjoy a fine meal

Me I'm not saying i have direct knowledge of what's in the picnic basket

Me but i've heard stories that would seem to indicate otherwise

Me I'll ask the witch

Me (through other people)

Co-Worker Right, often times the degradation of the quality of meal would require either a large piece of chicken or a small fork.

Me right

Me (knife)

Co-Worker Again, I place the onus of the blame on the witch.

Me wait!

Me perhaps there was second shooter?

Me in the bushes

Co-Worker yes.

Me i can't believe i didn't think of that

Me of course the witch should know how many people are at the table

Co-Worker Yes.

Me this conversation has made my monday much better

Co-Worker heh.

Co-Worker I'm not looking forward to my night.

Me no soup for you?

Co-Worker She's still laid out with fever and cough and sore throat.

Co-Worker Plus I have about 5 hours of homework to do.

Me boo

Co-Worker Agreed.

Me speaking of which, (witch?) i have to go to class

Co-Worker Enjoy. Watch out for the fried chicken. It's delicious.

Me all i hear in my head when i read that is the Dave Chappelle joke about fried chicken (literal)

Co-Worker Agreed.

Co-Worker "Turns out I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken"

Me I may blog this conversation

Me should certain parties agree to it

Me with names removed

Co-Worker Of course.

Me it might win me a prize of some type

Co-Worker perhaps a fried chicken dinner?

Me perhaps

Me i'll call the witch

Me solve the mytery of the soup

Me (old man Jenkins?)

Co-Worker yes

Me (he would have gotten away with it, too... if not for the meddling kids)

Co-Worker Thank you Wayne's World.

Me no, thank YOU, My friend from a far (primary Character)

Co-Worker indeed.

Me catch you tomorrow

Co-Worker likely.

damn that smelled good

mean gene

Gene.

campus watch

To All Wayne State University Students, Staff and Faculty,

In This Issue:

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats
2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

1) September 2006 Campus Crime Stats:

- Crimes Reported on the Wayne State University Campus -

September 2006 Jan-Sept. 2006 Jan-Sept. 2005

Homicide 0 0 0

Forcible Sex Offenses 3 7 2

Non-Forcible Sex Offenses 0 0 0

Robbery 0 5 7

Aggravated Assault 2 7 3

Burglary 9 71 87

Larceny 24 321 345

Vehicle Theft 3 21 22

Arson 0 1 2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

2) September 2006 Campus Crime Summary:

FORCIBLE SEX OFFENSES: Three incidents of forcible fondlings were reported on September 12, 2006. All three incidents were perpetrated by the same non-WSU subjects who were arrested by WSUPD and subsequently charged by the Wayne County Prosecutors Office.
The first incident occurred at The Towers at approximately 12 midnight when the three subjects knocked on a residents door. The three female room occupants answered the door. The three male subjects walked in and asked, "Did anyone order some strippers?". The three female occupants thought the incident was a prank and replied, "No". At that point, one of the male subjects fondled two of the female residents. The subjects then left the room when two RA's approached due to the loud noises. None of the female students was injured.
While WSUPD Officers were investigating this incident, a second similar incident was reported at the South Residence Hall. In this second incident, a female resident reported she heard a knock at her door and when she opened it, three unknown males quickly entered without her permission. The subjects demanded the resident go downstairs to the front desk and sign them "in" as guests. The student refused and one of the subjects fondled her before leaving her room. The student was not injured.
Officers at the Towers scene were advised of this second incident at South Hall and responded. On their arrival at South Hall they spotted one of the subjects outside the building. A foot chase ensued and the subject was apprehended. Officers then began an area search, locating the second subject inside a nearby vehicle. The third subject was later found inside a gas station at Woodward and E. Palmer.
All three subjects were arrested and charged with Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct. The South Hall complainant refused to prosecute and no charges were brought against any of the subjects for the South Hall incident. Two Complainants from the first incident at the Towers did prosecute and subsequently identified their assailants. These subjects have been bound over for trial on Home Invasion and Criminal Sexual Conduct charges. Their cases are proceeding through the Wayne County Court system.
Two of the arrested subjects have no WSU affiliation. The third subject is a former WSU student with no current connection to WSU.
All WSU Housing residents are reminded to never open your door to anyone you do not know. Always look through the peep hole and ask who the person is. If you do not know the person, keep your door closed/locked and call the front desk and/or WSUPD at 577-2222

AGGRAVATED ASSAULT: On September 17, 2006, at approximately 1:00 am, a resident of South Hall reported that he and his girlfriend had just left South Hall when they were assaulted by four males sitting in front of the South Residence Hall. The victims state they were walking across Anthony Wayne Drive and had reached the grass median, when the female was hit in the back with a thrown rock. The male student immediately turned around to see who had thrown the rock when he was struck in the face and shoulder with four thrown rocks. At that point four male subjects, sitting on the 'knee wall' in front of the South Residence Hall scattered in different directions. An area search failed to locate these subjects. The male student and his girlfriend were not seriously injured.
A formal crime prevention recommendation has been made to remove the landscape rocks surrounding Ghafari and South Residence Halls.

BURGLARY: Eight (8) incidents of Burglary, Attempted Burglary or Entry Without Force were reported during September 2006. The locations involved were the Engineering building (2 incidents), Old Main (2 incidents), The Towers and South Hall (see Sex Offenses above), Ghafari Hall and the parking booth at WSU Lot 13.

LARCENY: Twenty-four incidents of larceny (the theft of unattended property) were reported during September 2006. The building with the highest rate of larceny, during September 2006, was the Adamany Undergraduate Library with 4 incidents.

VEHICLE THEFT: Three vehicles were reported stolen from WSU parking facilities during September. On September 5th, a 1995 Geo Prism was reported missing from the third level of Parking Structure #3. On September 10th, a 1997 Mercury Grand Marquis was found missing from WSU Lot 30 at the Football Field. On September 12th, a 2000 Chevrolet Monte Carlo was reported stolen from level three of Parking Structure # 2.

Near campus vehicle thefts reported to WSUPD, during September, include:

Sept. 3rd Third and Prentis 1985 Toyota 4 dr
Sept. 6th Anthony Wayne N/O Warren 1998 Plymouth Voyager Mini Van
Sept. 11th Warren at S/B Lodge SD 2000 Jeep
Sept. 12th Third S/O Prentis 1999 Chrysler Cirrus 4 dr
Sept. 13th Cass at Prentis 2002 Dodge Ram Pick Up
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 15th Warren E/O Anthony Wayne 2002 Lincoln Town Car
Sept. 16th Palmer E/o Brush 1998 Jeep Cherokee 4 dr
Sept. 18th Warren E/O Trumbull 1995 Dodge Spirit 4 dr
Sept. 19th W. Forest at Second 1998 Chevrolet Malibu 4 dr
Sept. 21st Lot at 80 E. Hancock 1998 Ford Taurus 4 dr
Sept. 23rd Canfield W/O Cass 2002 Dodge Stratus 4 dr
Sept. 25th Kirby W/O Woodward 2003 Chevrolet Cavalier 4 dr

grrrr

Who's your Tiger?

Also, i can't believe this is still active. Note the people who were interviewed. Someone wasn't trying very hard.

we're all beautiful inside

only some of us are getting laid on the outside

everyday i'm hustlin

I have finally managed to lasso enough free time to update the world on my exciting life, full of fast cars and faster women. See, the problem with grad school is its trickiness. You don’t realize how much times its thieving away, (thieving like a drunken tooth fairy) until you try to do the things you used to do- like take random weekend trips up north, following by another trip to your buddy Wildman’s wedding. Then, when you return from your second weekend away from home, it requires 72 hours of fevered rushing around before you get to enjoy a meal sitting down or indulge in more than 4 hours sleep.

The good news is, Wildman’s wedding (open house, technically) was a hella good time. As every gathering involving two or more Tech alum, this mini-carnival featured ungodly amounts of booze, exaggerated accounts of the trails walked since graduation, a fair amount of remembering the past, some ogling of (but little direct contact with) the ladies, inter-dimensional portals, mad dance moves and some food that was probably really good but really just there to hold down the booze.

The weekend began and ended for the Pelvic Queen and I with a 10 hour drive. Of course the dreadful road home is never as bright when you don’t have that “I took the day off work and slept in and now I’m gonna drive a great distance for a good time” feeling you get when you’re first packing up the car.

It seems futile to account the events in detail, since if you were there, you were there; If you weren’t but you’re reading this, you’ve partied with us before and know what to expect; If you fall into a mysterious third category, you’re invited to our Halloween party- it’ll be kicking. The only part that should be noted is the whole, you know, Detroit Tigers sweeping the Oakland A’s to take the MLB pennant (and even make the play-offs) for the first time since 1984. Of course I had a ticket to game 4 which I had to turn down for the out of state events. And of course my friends made a point to call, text and scream loudly as often as they could to remind me of one simple thing: They were enjoying the city wide celebration nearly as much as they were enjoying rubbing it in that I wasn’t there. I’m sure Magglio’s walk off home run at the bottom of the ninth with the score tied and two outs won’t go down as the greatest moment in Detroit sports history. And the story about my roommates walking down Woodward with a giant Tiger’s flag, though based on actual events, was not all it was cracked up to be. I'm sure of it.

Zero to Ten round up:

Typing of The Dead: 9

Typing this account: 3

Al’s Sister: 8 (9 if she were single)

Chestocrate’s sister: Almost legal

My date: 10 (awww…)

Dan and Al: 10

Winona: 7 in actuality (10 in my memories of college)

Chicago Expressways: 2

Dirty dancing in front of someone else’s family: 7

Tiger’s clinching World Series: 10

$700-$2,500/ticket: 0

we're all fucked

Russia
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175630/site/newsweek/


Iraq:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15176583/site/newsweek/


That other country over there:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14729436/


Korea:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15175633/site/newsweek/


Africa:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8489368


domestic:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15012088/


The only logical answer is to buy a shotty and stock up on 3 inchers

that's a hell of a nod

i've been polluting the net for near'y 10 years now. (mtu in 98 meant mp3s, 200k speeds and icq were the norm, while having a CD burner could be a source of income)

this has to be one of the top ten things i've ever seen, especially considering the other items from the list were likely lost in a drinking binge.

this is it.

(note: like all great things, this link contains nudity)

more science!

this is pretty creepy

Who knew they were already weeding people out with these genetic tests at birth? (should i even bother screaming gatica?) And how much longer will the american people stand by, before they demand the scientist cut me down in my prime, to extract the highly sought after "schlongus maximus" gene?

explained

marmaduke is dying.

very funny

mountain of a man

a little over the top, but good points all the same. Theslate.com has another, slightly more balanced opinion.

btw, clinton's hand's are bigger than walace's head. i would watch out if i were he.

Good use of descriptives

"The devil came here yesterday. He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world. In this very spot it smells like sulfur still."

—Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, speaking at the United Nations General Assembly, alluding to President George W. Bush’s appearance before the body the day before.

banksy

e'rybody knows that i do for my hood

My first activity of today brought me to a middle-school age city-league football game that my nephew was playing in (lost 8 - 18) As i walked, alone with my thoughts, to my car, i realized something was odd in the parking lot. There in that completely full high-school lot was not a single foreign-made automobile, as best i could see. The school was in Taylor, perhaps the most blue-collar city of a blue-collar metropolis. I also noticed that the back of the lot was filled with the work trucks, while the full-size sedans dominated the front of the lot; this I concluded was a result of the fathers- Their pick-ups, vans and a hodgepodge of trucks with ladders, tools and various company emblems on their doors and fenders- parking in the rear, arriving after the mother's and children had come to set up and prepare for the game. Exactly as my brother and his family had.

g-g-g- g unit

This week Ford announced they would cut 1/3 of their white-collar work force, offering buy-outs to some and chopping what's needed after that. What you won't hear in the media is about the average white-collar employee age at ford is several years younger than GM, which is why this round of cuts will be particularly painful compared to GM's. 14,000 professionals will be moving on with lives. Meanwhile, back at the struggle, every street-block (of ~15 houses) has at least 2 or 3 homes for sale. Multiply that by what's easily a hundred blocks in my neighborhood and you can start to understand what's happening here. See, while the white-collars predominately occupy the northern suburbs, here in the south-side, we're surrounded by the factory workers. Every one of the 75,000 union employees, many of whom who've been working erratic schedules, such as one week mandatory vacation per month, will be offered a retirement package, in an attempt to align the number of workers with what's needed to run a company with several fewer manufacturing plants.

Every day i'm hustling

There is a saying that says, "As Detroit goes, so goes the country." The feeling here... is off. Something is very off.

safety is an illusion

It is no measure of health to be sane in an insane society.

-- Krishnamurti

that's what she said

Sounds like the latest struggle party was crazier than all previously noted events. (i may have been in bed, passed out from a combination of some hopps-based liquid and the exhaustion of physical acts not mentioned in your god's book, to witness the alleged "breast suckling" that went on between the women of the party. whatever, i guess.) Here's the moral: bring cheap plasatic beads with you everywhere you go in life. And your dick.

"Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind."
--Sorates

Crikey!

the devil is in the details.

reminds me of an old issue of Christ Puncher

Also, Steve is dead.

On The Edge; that's where it all happens

So concludes both the summer and the week of free stuff: a party at the House of the Struggle. (tonight, food starts at 7)

This week some guy picked me off the annals of the internet and offered up a free fiat transmission and engine for a 79 spider (wait a minute- i have a 79 fiat spider) all I had to do was drive out and lug it home. Fast forward two days and my former ass-smacking roommate (still smacking asses, no longer a roommate) is leaving for NY and offers me his car for free. Same deal as before- pick it up and it's mine. Stos and I spent the evening in front of old Tigers Stadium on Michigan Ave in Detroit, trying to bring a Black '87 lincoln Continental to life. Picture the old college caddy, in black, with more graffiti. Later, we would run into the owner of the house that was "storing" the car in it's street. He would report, "my neighbor warned me that two white guys and a crack head were pushing the lincoln down the street."

Did i mention we paid a bum fifty cents to help us push it to the corner gas station? Because we did. After a drive back to the struggle, here's the tally: Brakes are shit, some lights are busted from a hit n' run and there's a huge exhaust leak from the emissions system. Also, it leaks power steering fluid. All the power steering fluid. And smells like it's on fire. But it's still got huge potential as a cruise. I'll be sure to post pictures of us in front of the stadium jumping the car.

Lastly, we can't forget the craziness that was last weekend. Remind me to tell you the story of the fabricated i-pod cable and how it earned us a free show. Best told in person, it's a moral about how engineer's skills can be handy in these alcohol fueled social situations.

Now we get to tonight. There's a chill in the air and the sun is hiding out, so our baby oil wrestling mat may not come into use. However, the slip-n-slide can still be set up down the main hall leading to my room. That’s where it all happens. On the edge.

booo!

I am saddened by the lack of response to my previous entry. what do i have to do to get a reaction from you freaks?

this makes me happy:

abandoned submarine base!